Today I started a new journal since I’d completed my previous one. In so doing I went back to the start of the one just finished to see what I was journaling at that point. This practice is something Celebrate Recovery taught me. It helps us know if we are making progress in our recovery or if we are still working on the same things over and over not making any progress. There is nothing like honest journaling to tell one this truth. So, as I read my first entry from 3 months ago I was writing about pride. In this entry I was writing about my need to address my pride from the reflection I’d done as I’d started it. That means that for 6 months I’ve been writing about my need to address pride. I even put this in my blog just a few days ago. So it is time for me to take this seriously. I think the time is right to do so because God is showing me some steps I am to take in so doing.
First of all, I know that all man has pride in abundance. Not all of it is bad, but when it keeps us from doing what’s best for ones in our lives, it is wrong. I’ve always measured pride against my father’s. He was the epitome of ego/pride (to me). So, God has been showing me that His Holy Spirit’s voice does point out when I’m about to step into acting on self-pride. I do hear a small voice telling me this will have consequences. My response at a time like this is, “Well good, it needs a response because….” Now, doesn’t that sound like self-righteousness? Pride also keeps me at a point where I defend taking a sinful step even though I’ve heard the Holy Spirit say it is such. My response then is that this is a small thing and I’ll get back to Him on it next time.
I write these things out because God doesn’t see my pride any differently than He saw my dad’s. Both are sinful and wrong. This morning I asked God to awaken my sensitivity to His Voice within me. I want to respond to it as though it stood in front of me with His finger in my face saying, “DON’T GO THERE!” I want to respect God’s Voice, though gentle and kind, as final–for it is. Satan has many manipulative ways intermingled with our pride. I want to address this now with God as my Lead.