Today is the day after. It is the day after I met with the two new schools I’m to work with the next 3 years. It is the day after the start of our new recovery groups. It is the day after. I came home last night with all kinds of mixed emotions from the combination of both starts having now begun. I had lots of confusing dreams through the night to add to the emotional dilemma.
As I began my devotions this morning and got to my journaling I asked God what I am to make of these confusing emotions? It was rather amazing to write what I heard Him telling me. He was reminding me that emotions are the fuel of energy. When we get emotional we sense the purpose to do something or to stop something or complete something, etc. The people I’ve met the last two days in the schools are great ones. I was drawn to them and to their desire to do well. It also seemed they were being drawn to me. Our attendance last night was small–11 came for the groups, yet they were there with intent to participate and become what the promises of recovery offer. I was certainly drawn to them. God revealed to me that the emotions I was experiencing were real, raw ones. Early in my life real, raw emotions were beaten, called stupid and silly, were turned into sexual moments leaving me so confused. I learned to stuff raw and confusing emotions and try to turn them into thoughts or thinking moments. God showed me that these introductory emotions are the result of new, promising relationships which He has brought together. I can trust them and allow them to turn into inspiration to complete the work I’m there to do. This made so much sense and I thanked Him for this.
The truly unexpected part of this time was when I asked God, as I do each morning, what He wanted me to know from Him today? He immediately told me, “These emotions of yesterday and last night are the same emotions He has for me and that His Holy Spirit has for me. He likes me and so does the Holy Spirit.” I don’t have to work to be liked. They simply like me. I instantly teared up and I do again as I write this. God is re-establishing the intimacy of emotions as He created them to be. This was so unexpected and yet so important to find and hear from Him.
Don’t let Satan tell you anymore lies about God’s desire to have an intimate relationship with you. I’ve believed this far too long. I knew I didn’t need to earn this but my entire system needed to awaken to this truth. I’m sure I’m not done awakening, but it was so inspiring this morning to have this moment of truth!