For months now I’ve been wanting to know better The Holy Spirit who lives within me. I had learned this wouldn’t happen unless I knew myself better. I had to quit looking at myself through the lens of dad, my brothers, my sisters, a few important friends to me, etc. I was to learn to look at myself through the lens of God. The one thing about looking at myself through the lens of dad, I could blame him for those things I didn’t like. It was easy to transfer my selfishness, my fears, my moods onto him. However, now that God is awakening me to Himself and me, I find that the sinfulness of me is me. Yes, in times past, I could blame some of what I thought onto dad. However, I’ve learned that I can’t cling to that or it becomes my excuse. If I’m to become the new creation God intended me to be I need to own who I am (faults included).
This morning I began to read Jeremiah. It says that Jeremiah was called to be a prophet of God even while he was being formed in the womb. God had a specific purpose for creating him and giving him life. Joyce Meyers says God does this for each of us. In Jeremiah’s case, even though he fought cooperating with God at times, he still obeyed. I see the word selfishness coming to the forefront in this. I’ve been in denial to a large degree about my own selfishness. I didn’t want to see it because selfishness meant DAD to me. Most of what he did was out of selfishness as far as the way he treated his family. In the end, he was a very lonely man due to this. God this morning was showing me that selfishness is not bad unless it is taken to the degree of robbing others for your own satisfaction. God is a selfish God. Selfishness knows I need enough sleep, to be fed, to have proper care and grooming, etc. Selfishness can also mean intense anger when one doesn’t get their own way, holding oneself from another just to “get even”. There are many examples I could put here.
God, in His Infinite Wisdom, knows if I’m to get to know The Holy Spirit well, I must be fully awake to my own behaviors including selfishness. Yes, I sense the right thing to do most, if not all the time. I know this is the Holy Spirit prodding me. Just as Jeremiah had to learn, I can’t know the Holy Spirit well unless I learn to say no to my selfishness when it is sinful and yes to Him each time He prods.