HOPE. This was the lesson for Celebrate Recovery last night and I was the one to deliver the message. It comes after the first two lessons which are Denial and then Powerless. I am always brought back to the reality of God’s Amazing Work with these first three lessons. For man to stay on top of his sinfulness, he denies it and particularly he denies it’s control of him. Secondly, man works endlessly to be powerful enough to keep his denial in place and to keep his outward appearance strong. I’ve spent a lifetime keeping these two in place in my life. I never wanted anyone to know my past and I certainly didn’t want anyone to know how much the abuse of my past had power over me. Keeping this façade in place was an exhausting, full-time job!
HOPE, being the lesson last night, was a wonderful reminder once again that God is fully in control. His power is given to us in the increments that we begin to confess what we’ve denied and to what degree we give to Him the power we’ve kept to ourselves. This new class I’m experiencing right now in our recovery ones on Tuesday night is revealing for me what I’ve not wanted to confess about my past’s abuse. The fact that I felt emotionally abandoned by my wonderful mom is a huge one. It’s painful just writing it here but it is time for me to come out and confess it. It will continue to have power over me if I don’t confess it and it will be one of those things Satan uses to feed my mind about my value to God and man. I can honestly say that mom was simply human and she did the best she could given her circumstances. But, in the fact that she was human, she did fail in some areas. Knowing how to address the woundedness of her kids from the abuse of dad, and for me, the abuse of my brother were things which left her feeling helpless. She prayed and for that I am truly grateful.
This second paragraph outlines a deep rooted hold the sinfulness of abuse has had on me. The beauty is God’s healing in last night’s lesson–HOPE. During my lifetime I’ve always hoped the day would come when I’d be free. I use to think it would happen when I died and I no longer lived in this sinful world. However, God has taught me He has a mightier plan than mine. He wanted me to know this freedom even while I’m here in this sinful world. He wanted my story to help others find their own freedom. He wanted mom’s helplessness story to help others know they don’t need to hide that feeling of theirs. How much I love my Father God! He is the Founder of HOPE and the provider of it. Praise His HOLY NAME!