Today I see this journey my life having different parts to it but it is still one journey. All of my life I’ve used what I do in the secular world which is my educational work to attempt to create my worthiness for the spiritual world–my church involvement. As I’ve needed to drill down deeply into my belief system which drove this thinking and my actions, I see a boy (now man) trying to find his value someplace, somewhere. The past several weeks of working through the lessons in my Abuse class have helped me see this so plainly.
This morning God has been pointing out how He wants me to carry His Light (Purpose) into the work I’m doing with the schools. Right now this looks like helping the ones involved see the value of their present tasks. We are deeply into the work of assessing all the areas influencing why each site is scoring so poorly in their students’ learning. It is painful and it comes at the same time each teacher and administrator has to also do their daily work. It feels like more WORK. This morning God has been showing me how this process, even though it has a secular application, is the same process He has been taking me through emotionally and spiritually. Little by little, getting all of this garbage out of myself, God has begun to show me the person He originally created. I’ve always believed the work I’ve needed to do secularly and/or spiritually is due directly to who I am (a failure) rather than what God has me doing. My work was a consequence of my lack of value instead of being a consequence of my worth.
As I’ve been able to let go of some recent negative beliefs, God showed me this morning that my daily living is to become of one focus, His Alone–not secular and not spiritual, but His–period. He has never separated what He has had me do or what He currently has me doing into spiritual or secular. He is God in all of it and I am His servant in all of it. I for the first time this morning saw the issues of my past as tools which no longer own me but as tools which I can state and use to help others unravel their crises so the crisis no longer owns them. I feel so much freer as I attempt to explain this right now. God never ceases to amaze me!