This morning God has been helping me deal with an issue that has haunted me since I was a senior in high school–50 years ago. That year at Easter time the cantata No Greater Love had come out. Our church choir was singing it and I had the role of Christ in it which entailed several solo parts. It was being performed on Easter Sunday night in April, 1968. That day my older brother Ralph had come for dinner with his kids. He was divorced at the time. He began to tease dad about his pronunciation of a few words and dad denied it. Mom and I both concurred that he did pronounce them incorrectly. After Ralph left dad informed mom and me we sure knew how to make a man feel like a heel!
I started the milking a little early that evening as I needed to get to the church. No one else was going from our family. As I’d finished and ran into the house to dress and clean up I was asked by dad what I was doing? I told him I was headed to Deer Flat for the Easter cantata. He said I wasn’t going anyplace! I told him I had the role of Christ and I had to go. He said I could rant all I wanted but I wasn’t going. I went to our phone to call the pastor to tell him I couldn’t be there but dad grabbed the phone out of my hand and slammed it down onto the phone’s cradle. He then left with the pickup and took the car keys so I was stranded. The next day at school I asked the high school principal if I could call long distance to our church and he let me. I told the pastor what had happened and he said it was ok that everyone knew my dad.
Tomorrow I am singing a solo with our church choir. The song is: All Praise Rising. We are also prepping for our Christmas program which will be in early December. I’d decided in my head this will be the last time I do any of this. The anxiety is too great anymore. However, this morning as I was having my devotions I asked God if there was something in my past generating this intense anxiety? He instantly brought to mind the story I told above. He said it was time to let His Son bury it at the cross. He said He wanted me to sing this song tomorrow praising Him, not hiding behind these intense insecurities. It is amazing how God works! He told me His timing is perfect and now that I’m doing this class on abuse I can let these times go which still have a grip on me. Christ is wanting to bury them and I can rejoice in freedom instead of hiding from unworthiness. The gift of God’s Holy Spirit is Who God wants seen tomorrow so I’m going to step into this with a new heart! Praise God from Whom ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!