This journey is a lifetime event. I keep reminding myself of this because I tend to be one of ones who wants to find the end of a life project and then move on from it. The journey of life with God will not come to an end until we humanly reach this end which only opens the door to the eternal side. What I’m trying to say is that this new creation I am created to be still has the human connection which I’d love to have removed.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend I hadn’t talked with for a couple months catching them up on what’s transpiring with the recovery ministries, our families and lives. I told them about my awakening to my mom’s neglect and how I’d learned its impact I’ve tried to stay in denial to. This seemed to open a door to a need I still hadn’t addressed or surrendered. I sensed a longing to have mom confirm me as a boy (man) she loved. This just never happened in my life. However, this morning in my bible reading Christ was telling the father who wanted his son healed in Mark 9:24 to believe. The father said to Jesus, …”Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.” This passage really hit me because I recently had this unbelief removed from me.
So, today I felt God telling me to let His Holy Spirit fill this emotional need I have had confirming my value to Him. There is a missing joy when we have not been confirmed by the one/s we trust the most. So, I spent time letting The Holy Spirit fill this void. (Sometimes what I’m writing makes me think any reader is going to say–“Good grief, I’m done reading this guy’s nonsense!”) However, this is real and God is real and I will claim this joy all the more because God does love me. I can know this once and for all and I will believe it for the rest of my days. My hope is that any reader can find their way to this new freedom if they too struggle as I have. God is so GOOD!