Boy, this journey is not letting up one iota. This present issue regarding my mom and me has finally come to a head. The last couple mornings I’ve awoke at 5:00 am and there was to be no more sleep. In getting up I found God ready to awaken me to a good deal of recovery I hadn’t wanted to face. Of course, this has been all about my wonderful mother.
As I was having my devotional reading the Blackaby’s were talking about every word of the Bible as being alive so don’t miss out on a single word of it! As I began my Bible reading in Mark 11 I could see why. The 23rd verse has Christ saying: “Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea!’ and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him.” At this point I knew God was telling me I had to have a conversation with mom that I figured could wait until I was in heaven with her. I learned how to have these conversations like this while in counseling/therapy and did this with dad more than once, but mom???
I got my journal and began to write out everything I needed to have this little boy in me tell his mom. I had thought this little guy was all grown up having worked through so much with dad and my brother Rich along with God. However, what I had never done and never wanted to do was have this talk with her letting her know how this little boy Earnie needed his mother’s touch and words of affirmation. It has helped me tremendously to know that mom’s neglect did not categorize her as an abuser like dad. It was that her silence did its damage to me similarly to dad and Rich’s abuse.
I’m not going to go into all that I needed to write to mom and all that I heard her say in return, but I will say that we had a wonderful conversation which helped me release a ton. This faith of a mustard seed removing mountains has been moving spiritual mountains like I’ve never known. How little I’ve understood that spiritual mountains were blocking my view of God’s complete healing. Of course now that I’m where I am I can easily see Satan’s deception throughout this.
God is so faithful and I want to be faithful in return through obedience to His Holy Spirit’s leading in my life!