Isn’t God amazing! Yesterday at this time I was in a confusing place in my personal recovery journey. The lesson we’d done and talked through last Tuesday had left me undone. The topic of homosexuality was gripping me because the shame I feel from it was right in the front of my face. I didn’t even want to write the word out yesterday because I wanted to still put it away someplace where I couldn’t see it. This morning as I’m reading in Romans I find Paul writing to the people of Rome that God wants all of us. He wants our minds, emotions, wants, body and all its parts. He doesn’t want any of these things kept separate. He won’t use us fully if we are holding back.
As I got to my journaling this morning I found myself being reminded that last summer I was prepping to lead the class for men who struggle with homosexuality. I knew in my heart I desperately needed the class on Abuse, but someone needed to lead this other class and I had the background so I’d do it. Well, as I’ve told more than once, God had no one coming for the men’s group on homosexuality so I was relieved and happy to join the men’s class for abuse. I quickly stepped into its leadership as the gentleman who was to lead it didn’t want the assignment. He wanted the class. All these months later I am facing the bleak shame within myself brought out from the abuse of a homosexual brother, but even more, the shame for this temptation I carry. This is where I was yesterday.
Today God has shown me that it is recovered alcoholics who help alcoholics. It is recovered sex addicts who help sex addicts. It is recovered homosexuals who help those wanting out of it. Of course the list goes on but this message was what I needed to hear. God has been bringing the last of the bondage of sin, my sin done to me and my temptations, so I can see them for what they are–sin. He is preparing me to lead the class next year if there are those who come. I wasn’t ready this year and any who should come weren’t ready either. The 28 who came to last Tuesday’s class to know how to support someone with this struggle tells this. God want’s His people supported. He’s preparing this first.
I feel as though as huge burden has been lifted from me. I was putting the weight of sin back on me as I looked it in the face. God only wanted me to see it, not wear it. This morning I let Him bury it as the Cross where He did just that with all our sin through His Son–Jesus Christ. Once again I’m ready to be prepared for God’s next step. If this is it, I’ll be ready and willing because today I surrendered all of me. This is why for today I say–God is AMAZING!