This morning I thought I needed to make a decision about continuing this blog. I had started it almost three years ago as a means of telling the readers of my autobiography what daily living was like while continuing to find and live freedom day by day. What I wasn’t expecting was at some point in time I might do what I did yesterday—go back to counseling. For me it seemed to change the entire purpose of the blog. I wasn’t helping someone, I was now needing more help for myself. As I took this dilemma to God, He said, “I think it is best to continue it.” The fact that I’m going back into some counseling is simply a part of the journey continuing.
I did have an amazing appointment. Instead of being uptight about going, I was looking forward to it. I found myself free of the past fears when I’d gone before. It seemed I knew God was going to bring clarity and healing in spots I had wanted to squelch. In the session I heard comments about “the new creation” God has for me or waiting for me to see and find. The counselor asked me to consider seeing myself the way my grandkids see me rather than seeing myself the way I thought my dad saw me. He said, “Would it be possible that God sees you more like your grandkids do? This keeps ringing in my head.
Maybe it will be helpful for me to be totally transparent in this blog as I will post what I am finding about the roots of trauma which the body stores. The counselor said our body wants to complete what the trauma didn’t so it can bring closure to it. This sounds obscure but somehow I believe this to be true. When this is complete it can be let go. The end result of the trauma–I think–will be God’s use of it rather than my hiding of it.
I’ll keep you posted.