I wasn’t going to write this morning but I have a few minutes before leaving for church. There is something stirring in me that started in the middle of the night. I awoke unable to sleep for a couple hours. It seemed I was filled with all kinds of emotions I couldn’t sort out. When I awoke this morning I was 30 minutes later than I’d intended. As I finished my devotions and my journaling I was asking God what all this emotional stuff was about? He seemed to simply tell me to respect them and feel them.
I had finished reading a book last night which was authored by the counselor I went to for 3 years from 2009-2012. It is fiction but it is definitely about real issues in life and a counselor not so unlike herself is leading a group of people through their issues in a group setting once a week. I identified well with one of them. This person was living in a state of being which the abuse curriculum I’m using in my Tuesday night class calls “deadness”. By the end of the book this person was coming to life–sensing and enjoying the feelings she has.
As I was showering this morning it seemed God awoke me to the emotions I was feeling as those which had been “dead” within me. There is so much more I need to learn and awaken to in all of this but I do see what deadness is from reading it in the book and now finding it within me. The journey continues!