Today Kathy and I fly to California to visit my two sisters there. It is somewhat of a bitter sweet moment as the older one Alice is now in an assisted-living place. Where I’ve always stayed is gone as that has been at Alice’s. I’d walk from there early each morning to Bonnie’s. I love the fact that now I’ll simply be at Bonnie’s, but there is no more of the two in the subdivision for which they live. It is just a moment of life moving on and I need to adjust to it’s reality.
God awakened me last night in my recovery class to an awful area of belief I’ve carried all my life. One of the areas being addressed in our class is to describe who we are and how we see ourselves. Because of my recent counseling/therapy’s help I’m much more aware of what being a new creation is. However, last night I said in class I think God is changing me or wanting me to change to be much more like the Fruit of the Spirit talked about in Galatians. I went onto say that I struggled with this because I would be “boring” if I were good, nice, kind, gentle, self-controlled, patient, etc. all the time. The men laughed and I did too.
This morning I felt God’s check on me. In short, He said these characteristics are HIM and I laughed at them. In reality as I was journaling I so easily saw my judgment coming out thinking these characteristics made me “weak”–certainly not godly. These were the charactristics in me which dad chastised when I was a young boy. I was called a girl because dad saw these as being soft and he wanted his boys to be tough. Now that I see this I told God I choose to be like Him and I confessed my sin of judgment. I want God to transform me into His likeness knowing that His Likeness is All-Powerful.
I’ve got some waking up to do in this area of being a new creation!