Today the journey does continue but it is getting a later start than usual. I don’t go to the district I’m working with until noon so the morning time is much more relaxed–actually more focused on what I’m about to write.
Yesterday I talked about turning over to Jesus the temptations I face. I can let them go Jesus said. As I was in Celebrate Recovery last night one of our people gave their testimony. There were points in it which God was using to bring light to me. He waits for us to see our need of facing issues of our past. The need to face certain ones often bring about tremendous fear within. This was always true for me regarding the abuse from a struggling brother and the lingering gay thoughts for which I was left. This is one of those I’ve pushed down far more than faced. Last night I was prompted to face them so when I got home I journaled and asked Jesus what He wanted me to know regarding this? It was like a therapy session for me with the counselor I had for the PTSD. I needed to go back to the roots and find Jesus there and then let Him speak to me. These times brought about fear, confusion, shame and bitterness–all of which have been suppressed. Yes, they are talked about but never quite resolved. Jesus is wanting them resolved now that I am where I am with Him today–seeing myself as a new creation.
Facing the past is a tortuous thing but it is not nearly as tortuous as continuing to stuff the residue which always haunts one. Letting Jesus bring His cleansing power into it is so amazing and humbling. How I love Him, His Father and His Spirit for this.