I had a remarkable awakening this morning as I began my journaling. I didn’t seem to have too much to write once I’d written what I was grateful for regarding yesterday. I asked Jesus my daily question of what He wanted me to know for today and He immediately brought to mind the song He has been having me focus on for a few weeks now. The song is Amazing Love. As I began to sing it quietly and write out the words He asked me to write what I love about myself. I instantly recalled having my counselor ask me this question for which I didn’t answer. It triggered ugly memories of dad’s condemnation when I would do anything worthwhile as a kid growing up. He’d say I did whatever it was to “get the bighead”. This time, however, there were things that came to mind. I wrote them down and then He asked me what I love about Him? The first thing that came to mind was that He loved me. I know so much about love but I have believed so little about it. It has been a lot easier for me to live life doing what I could and what I thought I was suppose to, rather than thinking about things like love.
Yesterday I got a letter from my prayer warrior. In it she wrote out the gifts she sees in me which God gave me. Only now do I call them gifts. I use to call them curses because they were what dad ridiculed so much. This morning’s journaling caused me to realize that I can now thank God for these gifts. As I did I began to well up inside with humble gratitude. God has never given up helping me move from condemnation all the way to gratitude.
Lastly, I began to see that I am not the one who uses these gifts. It is actually The Holy Spirit within me. In surrendering myself to The Holy Spirit’s leadership, He is able to complete His work through me. He is the One who prompts the messages which come forth, He is the One who nudges and then follows through with the nudge’s purpose. My job is to respond obediently to the nudge.
This has been a tough message to write out but I know God is likely doing this same work in many of us. I pray for His Light to shine forth for you as it is beginning to do so for me in such dark places in my life.