I had a rather striking awakening this morning as I began my time with God. I had begun to journal thinking I’d missed my time with my prayer warrior yesterday. I was wanting that time to help me jump a hurdle or two about the things I wrote about yesterday. God had told me He wanted to address them with me directly, but–oh me of little faith wasn’t sure about my part. This morning as I was journaling I asked Him what He wanted me to know for today? He took me back to when I asked His Son Jesus into my heart. I was 10 or 11 years old. By this time in my life I was already a scared boy of dad’s overwhelming power over me and that I was very different from him and my brothers. In this God reminded me of my fears about living for Him: I could never be a preacher for that person had to be much stronger than I was. I could possibly be a missionary because they did things, not preach things. I could be a teacher because they didn’t preach, they taught lessons which were already made by someone else. This I could do. Fear dominated this boy, God was showing me, just as fear tries to dominate this older man today.
I have learned a great deal about fear over my lifetime. But, not until this morning did I see the dominance it has played in my life. This Light of Truth shone into a closet of darkness I’ve kept hidden. It has so much to do with capability or belief of capability. Today I see that God wants me to see the difference between believing fully in His capability vs mine. When He asks something of me, I can be sure He will be the One doing it through me. My role is to be obedient. I’ve always seen the mental picture of me blowing it. God wants me to see Him working through this “jar of clay” Ephesians 2:7.
I don’t need to be this child of fear any longer. Fear may enter the picture but letting it dominate my actions has now become a “high place” for which God has given me hind’s feet to climb over. This is His promise from Habakkuk 3:19.