Tuesday evening I was looking at my emails to see the one our female ministry leader for Celebrate Recovery sends out. It read, “I am looking forward to hearing our lesson on “Powerless” this Thursday taught by Earnie”. I thought–did I sign up for this? I must have! Back in August we create the list of dates for testimonies and lessons for the coming year allowing those who want to participate in either category to sign up. I usually put the ones I commit to in my cell phone calendar. Well, this one I didn’t.
Since Tuesday night God has really been speaking to me about a much more thorough meaning of powerless than I’ve ever allowed myself to know. Throughout my childhood I learned that I was powerless to do anything about the abuse of dad, the abuse of my brother and the absence of support from mom. From this I had told myself I’d never let myself be a victim to any man again once I was free from home. This freedom would start for me in college–I thought. What did start in college was my hiding. Those years in my autobiography are called, “The Secret”. My power would come from no one finding out about my past when I was powerless. The world would know me as a confident person who was a teacher, a singer and a gardener.
One of the most fearful things I’ve done through Celebrate Recovery is allow myself to be powerless again. It was in therapy I faced this immense giant. I had to give up being a teacher, a singer, and a gardener to become a “new creation”. Little did I know that a new creation could still do teaching, singing and gardening. In the last 11 years God has been growing the seeds of surrender and understanding for me so that I now better know and understand the scripture II Corinthians 12:10: “…For when I am weak, then I am strong.”