There seem to be a number of reasons I could not go back to sleep this morning when I awoke due to my wife’s talking loudly in her sleep. I nudged her and the talking stopped, but I seemed to be wide awake. I had a good deal to journal about which God and I took care of. Now, it seems I need to walk through the class yesterday.
Forgiveness is a remarkable act. When I first looked at forgiveness connected to abuse, it only seemed the victim of abuse needed to be asked for forgiveness from the abuser. Yet, having walked this journey thus far, I’ve found my need to ask forgiveness for so many of my own actions. Things like not letting God step in much sooner, my inability to even want to trust God, my pride about not thinking I needed any more counseling only to find I needed years more. There are more but I’m sure you get the point.
Yesterday, one of the gentlemen in the class pointed out that he felt depressed at this point and had shared this with his wife. He said she told him she thought he was grieving the loss of his childhood. This gentleman throughout our months of class kept saying he just didn’t feel any emotion. Well, he is finally feeling and depression is a huge step into the emotions of overcoming. It coincides with anger, bitterness and resentment. Once one realizes these emotions only expose the depth of hurt we feel, they do nothing to correct the abuse. Depression steps in realizing we are helpless to do this work on our own. It is so much bigger than any ability we have. It is then that our God we haven’t been able to trust becomes a better possibility after all. I don’t mean to be trite here, but this reality is very true–I’ve walked this road. It is here we find the arms of Jesus opened wide. Eventually, we realize He had never abandoned us after all. The Light of Jesus is penetrating new darkness and it is a Healing Light!