The last couple of days I’ve written about stepping into God’s transforming love and residing there throughout the day. Today is not going to be any different. Last night I had a Christmas program rehearsal. In it I have a small speaking part and a small singing part. Along with this we all have to take part in a couple of scenes where square dancing takes place and there are a number of songs we all need to memorize. Each year I say I won’t put myself in this setting again. It brings too much anxiety. But, when I’m asked personally by our director if I’d consider taking a part, I say, “yes”. At the moment I’m asked I think I can do that little bit. Well, when the reality hits, the assignment turns into a mountain my emotions say I can’t climb.
This morning I was journaling telling Jesus I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way but I don’t know what to do with it. In so doing, I was instantly reminded of “stepping into God’s transforming love”. By practice time last night I’d totally forgotten about this, my anxiety had taken over. Actually, when I was journaling Jesus reminded me that when I step into His Love, the Love transforms me–that’s what transforming love will do. Just writing this and pondering on it a moment I find a peace I’ve never found with something like this. I can do this assignment because I’m no longer the boy dad criticized so much. I’m the new creation God has made me to be. I’d just never allowed myself to realize this during a practice like last night. The voices of past take over at those times.
I’m putting a post-it note on my binder reminding me that when I go to practice next time I’m going to be present already in God’s transforming love and be the new creation God made me to be.