Yesterday I wrote about this full surrender of Earnie being the driver of all I say and do, thinking that was the deeper root I’ve needed to see and respond to. Well, today, God is going even deeper. It started with my devotional reading. A couple of excerpts are: “Beloved, I want you tp pay attention to what you’re thinking about–both the obvious thoughts and the subtle musings of your subconscious.” Then, “…This is your season of breakthrough. I am doing a deeper work and drawing out the poison of lies so that you can be truly free.”
In my journaling and asking Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today, one of the things He pointed out was the beauty of sexual intimacy in marriage. He went on to remind me that Satan wants to destroy this beauty since it is one of God’s great intimacy creations. The sexual abuse I had coupled with dad’s beatings and verbal attacks calling me “Hazel” and saying I’d make a good wife someday” had its toll on my thinking of self. I longed to be loved by my dad so gay thoughts were lies in my “subtle musings of my subconscious”.
I have a couple of clients who are caught in their own confusion of self-identity. God is helping me see with much greater clarity– my own self, which allows me to better approach them. My “season of breakthrough” seeing this “poison of lies” is amazing! God is never through as long as I remain committed to living fully for Him and helping others who want to do the same.