There is one thing I’m learning from my journaling each day and then following that up with the writing of this blog. This process helps to solidify in me what I use to carry within my mind as just a wish or hope. This morning was a good example of what I mean.

As I began my Bible reading in Psalms a lot of requests were going to God about stopping the enemies, holding back the opposition, destroying the message of division and hate and much more. These messages were seemingly being prayed or sang to God. There is an inferred message of these prayers going to Jesus, but He isn’t known as of yet–just prophesied.

Because of the big event starting a week from today, my mind is filled with expectation and details to have the expectations completed well and impacting the host of people needing to be present. So, as I started my journaling I began to write: Father God. I then quickly recalled my commitment to journal to Jesus. However, that strong sense that I needed to go to the top with all of these very important needs was paramount. But, as I began to ponder this oddity of mine, I wrote: “Jesus, help me know why I don’t trust you with the most important things in my life?” As I continued to journal I began to realize even when I journaled to God, I still felt the anxiety of “will this get done correctly, will the people be there who need to be there??” I began to realize that I still didn’t trust even when I “went to the top”. It was more about a hope than a trust. It was about me, not my Father or His Son Jesus. It’s another character defect as Celebrate Recovery helps us to see. This process of journaling helped me to see the error of my ways and I confessed my selfish thinking and lack of trust and surrendered all of it to Jesus.

As I asked the daily question of what Jesus wanted me to know and believe for today, He told me that our “true relationship” is only months old. The one I knew before and the father of the one I knew before were not Who They are to me today. Jesus wants me to be a servant leader. He helped me see that a servant leader knows Who he is subservient to and then leads out of obedience to Him. I’ve always wanted God and Jesus to complete what I thought I was doing for them. Now I’m learning how important to no longer have hope, but instead, turn my hope into TRUST and obey what Jesus nudges through His Holy Spirit. This is about Earnie working for Jesus rather than the other way around.

These are humbling moments and I want to be a faithful student who is learning to be a faithful servant for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

The journey has some relaxation built into it today–or so it seems. It is not a day of scheduled things to get done. Yes, there’s the lawn to mow and beans to pick but I can choose when to do them. It is nice to have a day like this.

When a time in the morning takes place where I have more time, I often turn reflective taking a look at the things driving me. As I was journaling about this I was nudged to never forget what God’s most important drive is–bringing His children home. There are a million “things” we can all be doing to keep ourselves busy. However, it is not too difficult to step back from them and see which of those are Kingdom Activities (those which focus ourselves and others on Jesus) or those which are simply important to man. I sure want to keep Kingdom at the top of my list. To God be All Glory!

The reality of a powerful weekend is coming together which is only 9 days away. I’ve been in touch with Christopher Yuan’s admin and talked with him directly in the last couple days. We are refining the schedule for the weekend and including time for him to meet with our family support group and for all the leadership working with our Celebrate Recovery, Restoration Ministry and pastoral staff. Saturday night Kathy and I get to host a dinner with Christopher and his parents, a couple from Boise who Christopher says he wants us to get to know. They have a passion for this work. All of this leaves me “weak kneed” thinking there must be something I’m leaving out and what is it?

This morning’s reading in the Psalms 57:7 says, “My heart is fixed, O God, my hear is steadfast and confident! I will sing and make melody.” Joyce Meyer writes a statement regarding her lack of confidence at times and how Satan feeds insecurities as she is working with her ministry. I know those voices of insecurities for they scream at me. It was God’s timing to read this for the voices in my head have been screaming at me regarding this upcoming weekend. I sensed Jesus’ voice this morning saying to take a step away from the heat of the moment and look up at Him. He is the Master of this Work, not me. I am to complete my part. The voices in my head are there, but He is also there and to let Him deal with them while I do my part of obedience. Confidence doesn’t always look the way we feel inside. However, confidence acts on doing what God leads us to do in spite of these inner voices.

I love this God Team!

This morning I awoke from the night’s rest with a mind full of “things” to get done. However, as I began my bible reading one of the first scriptures I have standing out to me is Psalms 50:14: “Offer to God the sacrifice of thanksgiving and pay your vows to The Most High.” Then in verse 23 it says, “He who brings an offering of praise and thanksgiving honors and glorifies Me; and he who orders his ways aright to him I will demonstrate the salvation of God.” All of this was giving me a promise I’ve longed for all of my life–“salvation of God”.

Salvation in a simple sense means deliverance. We know that God gives us deliverance from sin and the consequences of it through the work of Jesus Christ on the Cross. In so doing all of this for us I’ve always longed for the deep sense of belonging to God, to be loved by God. I’ve truly not understood why this longing seemed so difficult for me to complete. I’ve not understood love from a human standpoint. It has always been something to earn or achieve. God is abundantly wanting me to let this go and begin to understand His Love for me is not earned, it is a GIFT. It is a natural part of Himself to me from the beginning of His creation of me in my mother’s womb.

All of this is helping me see that the desire to serve God is no longer done to earn anything–it is done to Worship and Give Thanks to the very God who gave me salvation. Wow! Isn’t that great?! And, it is true for each of us!

The journey of yesterday was God ordained. The conversation I had stewed about for days took place with tenderness and with loving kindness. It seemed to even be welcomed. I look upon this and see just how much The Holy Spirit prepares for His Work to be done. Why oh why do I question this each time? Trusting God to be at work is exactly what He is always doing for it is His Work. Pray and Obey, the assignment of yesterday needs to become my daily action. I want it to be but my flesh gets in the way so often.

Today I go to my schools again. As I prayed and had my devotions, so many requests seemed urgent. I know Satan is trying to tear apart families, destroy confidence in God’s promises, promote shame and so much more. Yet, God asks me to do nothing more than this –Praise Him and Believe Him. As I was bringing these requests before Him this morning I was seeking what to do. His message was clear, “I AM the destination for all things done. Bring your requests to Me and know I AM GOD. I AM the GREAT HEALER of all wounds. I AM THE HEALER of all family crises, I AM THE HEALER. Jesus is The Way, The Truth and The Light. Go through Him to find ME and when you are there–STAY. This is the place you TRUST and OBEY.”

So, this morning I bring to God through His Almighty Son, my requests. I trust and will obey what He leads me to do. How much I love this GOD we serve.

Everything about yesterday was different than I had thought. The person I’d hope to talk to wasn’t even at church. Somehow I knew from that I should leave it until today and meet with them in person. I’m going to set this later this morning. The scripture comes to mind in Matthew 18:15 about confronting your “brother” between you and him. This will be the focus of this visit.

This morning in my scripture reading in Psalms 40:6, It says, “Sacrifice and offering You do not desire, nor have You delight in them: You have given me the capacity to hear and obey….” Joyce Meyer says in a caption she wrote, “God’s plan is not hard, we make it hard…. If you want God’s will for your life, I can give you the directions in their simplest form: Pray and Obey. God has given you the capacity to do both.”

I loved reading this in the Psalms and then reading Joyce’s response to it. I could write my own! How much I have learned about my need to quit wanting God to obey my wants and instead, learning to obey what He wants. In so doing, I find the greatest rewards, the greatest satisfaction, the greatest peace within. How Good God Is when we learn to Pray and Obey.

I love September and I love March. It sounds silly to write this but it is nonetheless true. Both of these months bring the hope of change. March brings the hope that the cold and doom of winter is leaving and September brings the hope that the heat of summer is ending. I do enjoy everything that summer brings to us–gardening season–I just don’t enjoy the intense heat that accompanies summer. I endure it because my love of gardening overshadows it.

Now that this is stated, my journey brings me today to addressing what I wrote about yesterday. It is something that truly needs addressing, but it is nonetheless, difficult to do so. I sort of hate being “the right person” to do this. This morning I’ve given it to God knowing Jesus and The Holy Spirit are within and the promise that when we act in obedience to God’s nudges, The Holy Spirit is already working.

Today brings the restoration classes to focus again before the congregation. I pray for people to be open to their needs and to The Holy Spirit’s nudges if they are hurting from an area needing help. These are such difficult things to address as I well know, but, the freedom on the other side is so worth fighting to have. I know this is why Satan works so diligently to keep people in their closets, but Jesus Christ is still the Answer and I’m praying this will be felt and known this very day as the services begin. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!