Yesterday I said that God is teaching me how to stand before Him and man as a new creation.  As I was journaling this morning I saw how this was demonstrated yesterday by living through the day.  I was needing to confront an issue with our recovery ministries at church and I finished it.  I was wanting to do more with it but God told me this morning that I needed to now leave it with Him.  He is the one to be glorified in this work–not me.  If I were to take the issue any further it would bring the lens onto me rather than Him.  In so doing the grace of the work will be removed and it would be a battle of man.  This I surely don’t want.

Secondly, a dear friend was sharing that his son’s struggle is not turning around.  My friend knows he is to praise God even in the uncertainties of life trusting God and he was struggling to do this.  We prayed for God to complete the verse Mark 9:24:  “I believe, help thou my unbelief!”

As a new creation in God I am presently learning that God sees everything through His spiritual eyes, hears through spiritual ears, and more.  Each one of us humans do all of this through our fleshly eyes and ears.  If we don’t see and hear results we think nothing is taking place.  The characteristics of human growth are so different than spiritual growth.  Also, we humans can’t grow spiritual growth for someone else.  We can only support the growth.  Spiritual growth must come from personal efforts.  As a parent it is extremely hard to learn this once and for all as our kids grow into adulthood.  I for one know this full well.  God is teaching me that trusting, believing, surrendering are all spiritual verbs which we are to act on in human flesh.  This is part of praising God knowing He will complete the work He starts.  How I want to do this well as I grow more into the new creation God is making in me.

This morning I finished the book of Joshua in my Bible reading.  In the last chapter, ch. 24, Joshua is reminding the Israelites of all God has done for them.  Their part in this was keeping God as their God and not turning to the gods of the foreigners living in the land promised to them.  The battles that were won with these foreigners had to be fought but in reality, most of the battle was won by God’s work.  The Israelites simply needed to show up for the battle and watch God do His part.

There is such a direct connection of this work of God then to the work God is doing in my life today and is doing in each of our lives as we keep Him as our God.  The gods of the world around me have been replacing God.  I can so easily see now how Satan has been working on this with me from my very childhood.  The choices of my brother and my dad were used by Satan to destroy the spirit of belief God had given me at birth.  Now that I see God fully as my God and I am working to live in the new creation He gave me so long ago, He is restoring my spirit with His Holy Spirit.  He is showing me that I am His adopted son and that He sees His very own Son, Jesus Christ, in me as I grow more and more into the likeness of Jesus through the new creation He gave.

The Israelites claiming their Promise Land was done physically.  We claim our Promise Land spiritually.  Joshua told the Israelites to choose today whom they will serve.  They chose God.  We are asked today whom we will serve?  I have chosen God and in so doing I am giving up the idols (gods) I’ve fled to in my past–porn, isolation, self doubt, identity issues and more.  I choose God and I stand before Him and man as a new creation.  I am learning more and more how to do this just as the Israelites needed to learn to claim what was theirs and trust their God.

Yesterday’s journey was an adventure which would have taken me into a cave in my times past.  It started simply doing some yard work at home that all went well.  As I headed to a friends to do some work for them I encountered problems with their equipment.  I simply said I’d return today with my own so I could do the work.  On the way home I got a troubling call from one of our men in recovery.  A decision was being made in leadership which would have implications throughout our recovery ministry.  I knew I needed to step into it and I did.  During this time I had one more call from another man in our recovery group who is deeply struggling with his addiction.  He has been deeply bruised by his childhood abuse and his belief system about himself is weak.  We talked much about the new creation God is making in him and this takes time.  A baby doesn’t quickly learn to walk, talk, make decisions, etc. without much guidance and nurture.  One would never expect a baby coming from the birth canal to walk out of the room.  Why would anyone expect a new creation to be strong enough to walk in this world without much help. This is what we are to do with one another helping us to keep our new creation in front of us and not our old haunting habits.

The day didn’t end with this but my point in writing this is that these issues in my past, even though I’d deal with them as a leader, would take me into my own isolation feeling I wasn’t good enough or the right person to make them.  I’d beat myself up and let the voices in my head rule.  I realized this morning that this isn’t so true anymore.  I’m very grateful for this growth and healing God is giving me.  Growing into the belief that I am made new is truly a healing and gift.  Each one of us must ultimately find this truth within us, but we sure need to help others struggling see that God didn’t leave them out like I thought He had with me for so long.  God is so good!

Yesterday was an odd day for me.  When I typically come back from being gone I am usually so glad to be home and spend endless hours getting yard, work, etc. caught up.  Even though I did this yesterday, my mind and emotions were still back in California with my sis.  I had called her in the afternoon.  She was actually doing fairly well and talked about the steps she was taking to move forward getting things done she wanted to do before going back to her job.  I was glad to hear all of that but I longed to be back with her.  I haven’t known those kind of feelings like I do now.  I don’t think it’s just because I’m “getting old” that I now find them.  I do believe I’ve always had them but now I allow myself to feel emotions instead of just show them at a moment.

Today is a new day and I want to step into it now being fully home.  I have watched my wife over the years take a day or two to “return home” when we go someplace she enjoys.  I know she is very connected to the emotions of life.  I think this may be what has finally connected for me.  We will have to take a minute and talk about this.  It is odd to be old but feel new all at the same time but growing into the new creation God has made is like this.  I’ll probably have more moments as the days move forward.  I’ll keep you informed.  God is so good and faithful making us into the “good and faithful servant” He created us to be.

We made it home yesterday afternoon.  It was a good trip.  As I was departing the plane in Boise I felt my wallet gone in my hip pocket.  I quickly went back to my seat and a stewardess and I searched for it.  It wasn’t to be found.  She told me to go to Delta’s baggage claim to call Seattle and check with the gate where we boarded to see if they had found it there.  I did this and it wasn’t there either.  On the drive from the airport I got a call saying it was found after all on the plane and could I return to the airport?  We did gladly!  When I opened the wallet I found that the main credit card I use was missing.  The last time I’d used it was Sunday for a family dinner at a restaurant in Escondido, CA with 14 of us present.  I had paid for the group using it.  Luckily I had the receipt with me in my shirt pocket so I called the restaurant.  They had it and are mailing it to me.  Boy, did I have a wake up!

Last night was our Tuesday men’s class.  Our assignment had been to list the 10 most hurtful events in our past and answer 3 questions for each one.  It helped me to see that my most hurtful events were all emotional ones connecting to my childhood.  Adult events were painful but nothing compared to the childhood ones.  Also, the childhood ones are the ones that had shaped my character defects impacting my entire life.  Even listening to the others share their own, I could hear and see this time and again.  It awakened again in me how important it is to stay on the journey of recovery until the hurts have been fully addressed and healed.  The habits we develop must be overcome, but if we don’t get to the root cause we will never know the full beauty of God’s redeeming love and power.

Joshua, the Bible book I’m reading presently, is full of God’s command to “fear not”.  All my fears are connected to childhood hurts.  I’ve let them paralyze me endless times.  Now I’m much more awake to this knowing God isn’t wanting me responding to fears with my old habits.  Instead, He is replacing the fears with a desire to help those stuck with their own.  Helping others with their fears (hurts) isn’t arrogance either.  That voice of my past has been a killer for me.  But, I now know that helping others and maybe receiving a “thank you” or a compliment for it is NOT arrogance.  I’ve lived with this paralysis long enough.  It is time to let God set me free and He is doing it.  Thank You Father.

Yesterday was the day after. God had told me to share Joshua 1:9 with Bonnie.” Be strong and take courage….”I don’t know why I always question these times but when I did share the scripture with her she wept. She hadn’t slept well the night before wishing to just go be with Randy. God on the other hand wanted her to know He has plans for her life and to not be dismayed. Gods timing is always perfect.

Today will be the last one here as all of us leave in the morning very early to head back to Idaho. My bible reading this morning was continuing in Joshua. In 5:9 it says God rolled away the reproach of Egypt from you. Reproach means disgrace or shame.  I know He has been doing that for me.  In this journey of mine God has been removing my reproach–the shame and disgrace of my past. I can see God being used to help others through me. This morning He told me that this use isn’t arrogance as my dads condemning voice within my head always demeaned me with. It’s simply being Gods servant. The haunting voices of the past are being put to death. Praise be to God. 

Yesterday’s service for Randy is done. In all of it there was so much love, honor, and grace shown. Both boys talked and even the older granddaughter gave her 9 year old speech. God was blessed and Randy was too. 

At a time like this I realize my journey isn’t just mine. It needs to be including my family. All of us who came to support Bonnie and her kids were of vital importance. It was so visible yesterday as the service came together and the dinner followed. Taking everything down made the work simple. My niece and husband were so gracious in hosting the service.

Today my scripture reading was starting  the book of Joshua. Moses has just died and God is telling Joshua to be strong and take courage. Just last Sunday our choir sang this song. Today God seemed to say to share this message with Bonnie. We do feel so abandoned and alone after death yet God wants us to know He has never gone away.  He wants to be strong in us with His tender love and mercy. That’s part of why He gave us His very Holy Spirit to live within us. 

I’ve needed to know this many times in my life and today I’ll share it with one who needs to be reminded. Gods love is to be shared one with another. 

Today is the memorial service for Randy. Yesterday was spent at my nieces home getting the yard ready, parking area readied, and simple chores needing done for a hundred people to be at their home. They have s small acreage so they can handle all of this without overloading anything. It’s nice of them to host the service for my sis’s family. 

Even though I’ve got my message ready for today I sense an insecurity. I know this is more about me and how I’ve always seen myself. God has already told me to know I’m redeemed and this is His service for Randy. My role is to complete the spiritual work He’s assigned to me.  I’m going in His name to do so. The two sons are both talking. This will be a tough moment on them but they agree they want to do this. I know it will be healing for them. One told me last night he’s glad we’ve waited a couple weeks to do the service. He’s more emotionally able to do this now. 

God is good and always is. Randy and God are present in this day. Randy was a quiet servant to God and he’d want today’s glory to go to God the Father. Being servants today ourselves we want to make sure this is done. 

My brother and his wife arrived yesterday earlier than expected. The one brother who was to come with them changed his mind at the last minute so they left a day before. Today the last brother and wife fly down. It is so nice to see such great support building for Bonnie and her late husband Randy. Bonnie is like most of us in the Lewis family–doubtful she matters too much to very many. God is graciously showing her otherwise. 

When I came before it was obvious what needed attention. Now it’s less so. Just being here seems to be the right thing. God said to watch where He is working and join Him. It’s funny but I’ve never thought to watch for God working in just visiting. I’ve always looked for physical evidence of work. I’ll pay better attention today to the relationship piece. God is so amazing. 

I was given a book a couple weeks ago by one of our pastors to read. I knew I’d be coming back to California leaving yesterday so I saved it for the trip and plane ride. The books title is: People of the Second Chance. It is all about the authors life and learning to let God use what he thought he’d need to keep hidden. His story is far different from mine but many of the roots of tragedy and abuse are exactly the same. At one point I was going to tell Kathy about it to find if I talked I would just start crying. I said it would have to wait. 

The part of the book which I’m truly learning is real for me is just how much Satan doesn’t want anyone talking about their past to help someone with theirs. These strongholds are his handiwork. More than ever I’m convinced and committed to being Gods servant in this area. 

My sis is making good progress with her moving forward having lost her husband Randy. The service Saturday will be a celebration and I can see that she is ready now. As tough as loss is there is a beautiful reality waiting for us on the other side if Christ has been able to take the lead. I’m so glad Bonnie is at this place. To God be all glory.