I can tell I’m home–I’m anxious about work, Pastor Jim’s service, finding the right car for my daughter, and am I doing all of this through God’s leadership or am I trying to take the reins from Him? It does seem several things are coming to a head. My daughter got a call from the rental car company and the insurance is stopping coverage for the rental tomorrow. Seems we must have a car found by then? Secondly, I’m working today with a doctor’s appt. in Boise later in the afternoon yet I need to practice for a duet I’m singing in for the service tomorrow at some point this afternoon. The quartet is already practicing tonight for 4 songs tomorrow. I realized while lying in bed last night that I will be on the other side of the state next Monday night working and I’m to do a final choir practice for a song I have a solo in the following Sunday. I’ll be coming home Tuesday from the work just in time for the recovery ministry training to begin. I do know God’s timing is perfect and I’m to be patient and simply do my part. That would not include becoming anxious and second guessing every step I’m taking. God says to trust Him and this is a good time to do so without all the YIKES!
This morning’s devotion time brought me back to my early days when I would spend so much time with Pastor Jim at our church. I was in my early 20’s. I had just started teaching and he began to use me more in the work of the church. I was teaching a class of 20, 5th and 6th grade boys on Sunday morning and again on Wed. night for what was called CYC–Christian Youth Crusaders. I would lead Sunday morning and Sunday evening singing and often have a solo or a duet even with Jim. I would often go have coffee, lunch, talk about church growth and dream big time with him! How I loved those days.
My devotional reading was entitled: Whom Is God Sending to You? Between reading it and the scripture reading in Thessalonians I was challenged to look at what I’m doing in light of what it does to impact God’s Kingdom Work. I know God is not asking me to be the judge of what I do, but to do what He gives me to do believing, and to do it keeping Him in the front line of all the work whether for the church or for secular education. He will be the One to use it if I am obedient to Him. So, I’m going to move forward through the next days doing just this–believing and obeying. I use to love having these conversations with Pastor Jim to confirm whether I was on track. Now, almost 50 years later, God is wanting these conversations to be with Him.
Today’s journey has us heading back to Idaho. What a wonderful trip this has been. One of the things Kathy and I have done several times with family here is take a day and go to a little town in the mountains named Julian and then go to the Palomar Observatory. We did this yesterday with my two sisters. It was a perfect day. The weather had changed on Monday to being quite chilly. There was frost on the ground yesterday morning and there was some remnants of snow at Julian and on the mountain top. When driving back from Palomar you could see the ocean with the sun glistening on it. We ended the day having dinner with one of Bonnie’s boys and his family at an Iraqi restaurant. Kathy and I thought we had gone back to Yemen for a moment. The food was so similar and good.
I got the details of Pastor Jim’s service last night. It will be a songfest just like many of his Sunday morning services would be. People would complain because he didn’t leave himself very much time for his sermon, but then the next Sunday the service would be very much the same. He loved music and I loved him for this. His sermons were always spot on with God’s Holy Spirit using it to touch an area of need in your heart. This would be true for a high school boy as I was when I first started attending all the way through his life.
As we head home today I thank God for providing this chance to be here. Kathy and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that we were to come and this has been confirmed over and over while here. My mind wants to shift to being home preparing for all the work forthcoming, but I tell it to stop and enjoy this last morning with our California family. I treasure these two sisters. They have been so very important for me personally as I’ve needed to heal from the wounds of abuse. They have been God’s angels for me. It is fun and humbling to return a portion of this love when they are the ones hurting from loss. I do love them. God is so good when we allow Him to be in charge of our every step. I want to be much better at this in my days ahead.
Not only do I not get to this blog routinely on this trip, I find myself unable to express what I’d truly want to. I just talk and listen to my sis Bonnie. She and I say I’m going to write the blog and then we start on a topic and 30-40 minutes later I remember I haven’t written anything.
This trip has been a fun time to build relationships with family members I didn’t have before. I would meet with them but the connections were more through my sisters or an aunt. This time the relationships have begun with them and me. I’ve enjoyed this very much.
Tomorrow Kathy and I will fly home later in the day. My mind is already beginning to plan what is to be happening there when we arrive. The funeral for my dear pastor friend will be on Friday, our family dinner was to also be on Friday so I think it will be delayed. The classes for the sexual brokenness leadership training will be starting the following week and the work I do is also continuing. Most importantly (ha, ha) is the planting of the garden seeds in the greenhouse. Now that it is done I will be planting it when we return. I had thought this weekend will be the perfect time. We will see. For today, we are going to go into the mountains. There was frost on the ground today which is highly unusual here, but the sun is shining brightly so away we go.
Yesterday was a day carved and created by God Himself. I didn’t get a post done just because there were too many interruptions to the morning and then we were off to my nephew’s church which is about 45 minutes away. It is a small, very loving and caring group of people. We were all so glad we went. In the middle of the afternoon we went to my aunt’s home to have the rest of the day with her and my cousins that live close. I knew my one cousin is a counselor but what I didn’t know is that she heads the recovery ministry at their church here in Escondido. It is a mega church of about 5,000 people. She counsels through the church and has headed this work for the past 12 years. My word, that was about all we talked about for 6 hours. It is also the church I think my sis Bonnie will be attending. We wanted to find a church that would be a good home for her and knowing our Aunt and family attend this one, it fits perfectly.
At a little after 6:00 am this morning I had a text message from home saying my dear pastor friend, Jim McMillan, passed away during the night last night. He has been failing rapidly, but I felt like I’d been hit in my gut with the news. If there were a man I’d loved to have had as a dad, it was this one. His wife Lois is my prayer warrior for our ministry work. She said his service will likely be this coming Friday and she wants our quartet to sing for the service along with one other group Jim loved. I know this will be a celebration service, but I also know there were hundreds and thousands of people who will miss this man dearly. He has been God’s instrument in so many ways helping people through their tough spots in life. I’m sure God has a special place already prepared for him.
Someday this earthly journey will end, but until it does, I pray I can be an instrument of peace for God as Pastor Jim has been for me and countless others.
There are times when journeys have sweet spots. These present days are some of them. Kathy and I are simply having the best time with my two sisters. We’ve done nothing but eat, talk, drive around and repeat these steps. The talking has been deep sometimes and then we switch to laughter and crying. I know it is a healing time for Bonnie. Even though she is a strong person, there are just times we need to be able to be held and let all that pent up emotion out.
Last night my nephew came over with his wife for dinner. We are going to church with them on Sunday morning. He was so excited to know that. He has been inviting me to go to church with him for years. His mom is Alice and everyone was willing to go this time so that’s where we are going. I’m looking forward to it.
My devotions were very clear this morning about not trying to do God’s work and then give Him credit for it if all goes well. It was well stated that God wants me obeying His nudges so He is seen when His work is done. He is the primary one, not the secondary one. I doubt if most Christians want to be seen ahead of God, but we so often do our “good deeds” hoping they are pleasing to God and completing what He wants done. We are thanked for helping out and we attempt to let God be praised in the meantime. All of this is in reverse order. We are the ones God wants less conspicuous and He wants to be the visible one. Only bit by bit am I beginning to see how this works. At this point all I know is that I am not to act on my own inkling unless I am sensing God’s Spirit leading. This is truly a way of operating I want to become much more sensitive too.
Yesterday Kathy and I went to the movies with Bonnie and Alice. We saw The Greatest Showman. What a spectacular one it is. There was a line in it that hit me right between the eyes. It was that the main character was never going to be satisfied because the emptiness within him was never going to be filled by worldly success. When I heard this I knew God was talking to me. I’ve fought to be worthy in the world’s eyes my whole life never thinking I’d achieve it. Even if I were complimented for something done well I’d discredit it. I know God has been dealing with me regarding this lie. He wants me to know He makes no mistakes with His work. I know this and believe this too. I still have this voice not far away in my mind that thinks feeling good about something done well is called arrogance or conceit. But, God is wanting this to be replaced with the knowledge that He is saying: “Well done My child.” I’m going to work on this with Him or let Him work on me with this.
This morning my sis Bonnie and I have had a chance to talk and truly talk meaningfully. I love this and treasure it. She is God’s gift to me as a sister!
It is beautiful in S. California. It is odd to have green lawns and flowering bushes but I do love it. All of this is in addition to nice, warm days.
Have you ever had those moments when you had to be patient and yet inside you were filled with anxiety knowing you need to do something and yet there isn’t anything to do but wait? I do have these every so often. I’ve been somewhat this way with my youngest and her car dilemma. This morning’s scripture reading in Colossians is telling me no less than 4 times to be anxious for nothing and instead find peace in waiting. It is one thing to need to be patient, but it is entirely different to be patient while resting in God’s peace.
Paul is telling the Christians of Colossi to live in the new creation God gave them. God was reminding me of this same thing as I was reading this. The freedom and peace that passeth all understanding does not come just from waiting. It comes when we wait on the Lord resting in the assurance of His love, timing, and complete control of our lives. If you struggle with any of this I hope you will join me in living in God’s peace and assurance today. Give Him all that is making you anxious. How good our God is when we only give Him a chance.
Happy Valentine’s Day! I’m really late getting this done due to the arrangements here in California. I sleep at one sister’s home but she doesn’t have wifi. When I walked to Bonnie’s I spend so much time talking I still hadn’t gotten to it. Well, here it finally is for anyone who is still interested.
In my devotional reading this morning the writer of my devotional book told the story of Hosea and Gomer. Hosea was a prophet and God had told him to marry Gomer, a prostitute. His marriage was to be an example of God’s love for Israel in spite of their continuous breaking away from Him. I know this is not the valentine’s love we American’s talk about, but it is truly the depth of love God has for each of us. This is the love I also want to better know and allow God to give others through me. There use to be a chorus we’d sing when I was much younger. When I asked God this morning what He wanted me to know immediately the words of that chorus went through my mind: “They’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love; yes, they’ll know we are Christians by our love.”
Today is a special day. We will be in S. Calif. to see my two sisters there arriving around noontime. Both are widows now which is a real awakening moment that this life here on earth is truly temporary. I can and do get so caught up in the daily living that I often forget that the daily living has an eternal connection. Satan would love to keep us caught in the doldrums of the day but there is a HOPE that springs eternal when we lift our eyes to God Himself and see just how much He Loves us and wants us to get to know Him, His Son Jesus and His Holy Spirit.
As I was reading the last two chapters of Philippians this morning I was made aware of something I want to share. Paul is writing to the people of Philippi in this book. God awakened in me as I was reading it that 10 years ago we (a small team of 7) were preparing ourselves to start Celebrate Recovery at our church. One of us was taking the lead as she had already had this preparedness and was now using it to build our own. During the past 10 years I have learned so well just how much God has wanted me to take all of my past and instead of hiding it, pull it out one chuck at a time, face it, deal with the hurt and damage of it, repair and heal, and then face some more. We often call this process: peeling the onion. God gave me some very special people to assist in this process too. Now, ten years later, God is using me to help prepare a new group of leaders to address those caught in the destruction of Sexual Brokenness. Two weeks from today we will start the leadership training for the groups just as we did ten years ago for our Celebrate Recovery. I would have never dreamed 10 years ago that I would be writing such a detail as this. Nor would I sense such a freedom and desire to help others know this freedom from living as the new creation God has given each of us through His Son’s work on the Cross. How grateful I am!
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. The day of LOVE. Man does a lot to demonstrate what man thinks love is. But God has shown us the Ultimate Love through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus and by giving us His very own Spirit to live within us if we only accept His Son’s work on the Cross by asking Him into our lives (hearts).
Today starts with snow on the ground. A year ago that would have been scary in that we’d had so much that another inch or two only added to the foot or more already here. This morning it is a treat in that we’ve had so little. Tomorrow Kathy and I fly to S. Calif. I am looking forward to this getaway. Not only do I get to see my two sisters, we get to have some warmer weather for a change. I said a little yesterday about my angst in leaving without having my daughter’s car situation settled, but God has provided peace in that His timing is not now and I can not only see this but thank Him for it. We sure don’t want to settle on a vehicle He isn’t honoring.
Our step study lesson yesterday on Gratitude was so rewarding. One of the men said he’d dreaded this lesson. He has struggled this past year so much with his addiction and has relapsed twice. Giving gratitude seemed not the thing to do at this point. Yet, he said after the class ended that the sharing in class and hearing from others that gratitude is something he can have even in the midst of the depth of recovery. His wife is supporting him, his church is fully behind him, he has a job he loves–yes, he struggles, but everyday he has several men who he checks in with or they are checking in with him. He said he thought this must be what the first church was like. Christ was helping others come out of their misbeliefs, see the truth and help one another find their own truth in Christ. This is what happens all the time in Celebrate Recovery. In our deepest sorrow and sharing there is never judgment given, only support and love. I am truly grateful for this too.
I’ve had so much support myself in my own recovery. I remember a few years back when Kathy and I were driving to S. Calif. and I was going to be sharing my recovery testimony to my sis there. We had spent the night halfway and it was now the morning of the day when we’d arrive. I had been driving about 30 minutes. I was so fearful about what I was about to do that I pulled over on the side of the road and simply bawled. I asked Kathy why in the world she would love me and be so supportive and why would my sis ever love me once she heard what she was about to hear? Kathy’s words were so touching. She didn’t see the person I saw in me. My sis didn’t either. Now 5 years later, God is helping me see the new creation He has made in me. I am a servant to man through Christ Jesus telling of a Gift that has been so kindly and lovingly given to me. This gift is that of Christ Jesus Himself and that of The Holy Spirit. I want people to know This Gift is also equally available for them. To God be all Glory!
Earnie Lewis 