Not only do I not get to this blog routinely on this trip, I find myself unable to express what I’d truly want to. I just talk and listen to my sis Bonnie. She and I say I’m going to write the blog and then we start on a topic and 30-40 minutes later I remember I haven’t written anything.
This trip has been a fun time to build relationships with family members I didn’t have before. I would meet with them but the connections were more through my sisters or an aunt. This time the relationships have begun with them and me. I’ve enjoyed this very much.
Tomorrow Kathy and I will fly home later in the day. My mind is already beginning to plan what is to be happening there when we arrive. The funeral for my dear pastor friend will be on Friday, our family dinner was to also be on Friday so I think it will be delayed. The classes for the sexual brokenness leadership training will be starting the following week and the work I do is also continuing. Most importantly (ha, ha) is the planting of the garden seeds in the greenhouse. Now that it is done I will be planting it when we return. I had thought this weekend will be the perfect time. We will see. For today, we are going to go into the mountains. There was frost on the ground today which is highly unusual here, but the sun is shining brightly so away we go.
Yesterday was a day carved and created by God Himself. I didn’t get a post done just because there were too many interruptions to the morning and then we were off to my nephew’s church which is about 45 minutes away. It is a small, very loving and caring group of people. We were all so glad we went. In the middle of the afternoon we went to my aunt’s home to have the rest of the day with her and my cousins that live close. I knew my one cousin is a counselor but what I didn’t know is that she heads the recovery ministry at their church here in Escondido. It is a mega church of about 5,000 people. She counsels through the church and has headed this work for the past 12 years. My word, that was about all we talked about for 6 hours. It is also the church I think my sis Bonnie will be attending. We wanted to find a church that would be a good home for her and knowing our Aunt and family attend this one, it fits perfectly.
At a little after 6:00 am this morning I had a text message from home saying my dear pastor friend, Jim McMillan, passed away during the night last night. He has been failing rapidly, but I felt like I’d been hit in my gut with the news. If there were a man I’d loved to have had as a dad, it was this one. His wife Lois is my prayer warrior for our ministry work. She said his service will likely be this coming Friday and she wants our quartet to sing for the service along with one other group Jim loved. I know this will be a celebration service, but I also know there were hundreds and thousands of people who will miss this man dearly. He has been God’s instrument in so many ways helping people through their tough spots in life. I’m sure God has a special place already prepared for him.
Someday this earthly journey will end, but until it does, I pray I can be an instrument of peace for God as Pastor Jim has been for me and countless others.
There are times when journeys have sweet spots. These present days are some of them. Kathy and I are simply having the best time with my two sisters. We’ve done nothing but eat, talk, drive around and repeat these steps. The talking has been deep sometimes and then we switch to laughter and crying. I know it is a healing time for Bonnie. Even though she is a strong person, there are just times we need to be able to be held and let all that pent up emotion out.
Last night my nephew came over with his wife for dinner. We are going to church with them on Sunday morning. He was so excited to know that. He has been inviting me to go to church with him for years. His mom is Alice and everyone was willing to go this time so that’s where we are going. I’m looking forward to it.
My devotions were very clear this morning about not trying to do God’s work and then give Him credit for it if all goes well. It was well stated that God wants me obeying His nudges so He is seen when His work is done. He is the primary one, not the secondary one. I doubt if most Christians want to be seen ahead of God, but we so often do our “good deeds” hoping they are pleasing to God and completing what He wants done. We are thanked for helping out and we attempt to let God be praised in the meantime. All of this is in reverse order. We are the ones God wants less conspicuous and He wants to be the visible one. Only bit by bit am I beginning to see how this works. At this point all I know is that I am not to act on my own inkling unless I am sensing God’s Spirit leading. This is truly a way of operating I want to become much more sensitive too.
Yesterday Kathy and I went to the movies with Bonnie and Alice. We saw The Greatest Showman. What a spectacular one it is. There was a line in it that hit me right between the eyes. It was that the main character was never going to be satisfied because the emptiness within him was never going to be filled by worldly success. When I heard this I knew God was talking to me. I’ve fought to be worthy in the world’s eyes my whole life never thinking I’d achieve it. Even if I were complimented for something done well I’d discredit it. I know God has been dealing with me regarding this lie. He wants me to know He makes no mistakes with His work. I know this and believe this too. I still have this voice not far away in my mind that thinks feeling good about something done well is called arrogance or conceit. But, God is wanting this to be replaced with the knowledge that He is saying: “Well done My child.” I’m going to work on this with Him or let Him work on me with this.
This morning my sis Bonnie and I have had a chance to talk and truly talk meaningfully. I love this and treasure it. She is God’s gift to me as a sister!
It is beautiful in S. California. It is odd to have green lawns and flowering bushes but I do love it. All of this is in addition to nice, warm days.
Have you ever had those moments when you had to be patient and yet inside you were filled with anxiety knowing you need to do something and yet there isn’t anything to do but wait? I do have these every so often. I’ve been somewhat this way with my youngest and her car dilemma. This morning’s scripture reading in Colossians is telling me no less than 4 times to be anxious for nothing and instead find peace in waiting. It is one thing to need to be patient, but it is entirely different to be patient while resting in God’s peace.
Paul is telling the Christians of Colossi to live in the new creation God gave them. God was reminding me of this same thing as I was reading this. The freedom and peace that passeth all understanding does not come just from waiting. It comes when we wait on the Lord resting in the assurance of His love, timing, and complete control of our lives. If you struggle with any of this I hope you will join me in living in God’s peace and assurance today. Give Him all that is making you anxious. How good our God is when we only give Him a chance.
Happy Valentine’s Day! I’m really late getting this done due to the arrangements here in California. I sleep at one sister’s home but she doesn’t have wifi. When I walked to Bonnie’s I spend so much time talking I still hadn’t gotten to it. Well, here it finally is for anyone who is still interested.
In my devotional reading this morning the writer of my devotional book told the story of Hosea and Gomer. Hosea was a prophet and God had told him to marry Gomer, a prostitute. His marriage was to be an example of God’s love for Israel in spite of their continuous breaking away from Him. I know this is not the valentine’s love we American’s talk about, but it is truly the depth of love God has for each of us. This is the love I also want to better know and allow God to give others through me. There use to be a chorus we’d sing when I was much younger. When I asked God this morning what He wanted me to know immediately the words of that chorus went through my mind: “They’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love; yes, they’ll know we are Christians by our love.”
Today is a special day. We will be in S. Calif. to see my two sisters there arriving around noontime. Both are widows now which is a real awakening moment that this life here on earth is truly temporary. I can and do get so caught up in the daily living that I often forget that the daily living has an eternal connection. Satan would love to keep us caught in the doldrums of the day but there is a HOPE that springs eternal when we lift our eyes to God Himself and see just how much He Loves us and wants us to get to know Him, His Son Jesus and His Holy Spirit.
As I was reading the last two chapters of Philippians this morning I was made aware of something I want to share. Paul is writing to the people of Philippi in this book. God awakened in me as I was reading it that 10 years ago we (a small team of 7) were preparing ourselves to start Celebrate Recovery at our church. One of us was taking the lead as she had already had this preparedness and was now using it to build our own. During the past 10 years I have learned so well just how much God has wanted me to take all of my past and instead of hiding it, pull it out one chuck at a time, face it, deal with the hurt and damage of it, repair and heal, and then face some more. We often call this process: peeling the onion. God gave me some very special people to assist in this process too. Now, ten years later, God is using me to help prepare a new group of leaders to address those caught in the destruction of Sexual Brokenness. Two weeks from today we will start the leadership training for the groups just as we did ten years ago for our Celebrate Recovery. I would have never dreamed 10 years ago that I would be writing such a detail as this. Nor would I sense such a freedom and desire to help others know this freedom from living as the new creation God has given each of us through His Son’s work on the Cross. How grateful I am!
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. The day of LOVE. Man does a lot to demonstrate what man thinks love is. But God has shown us the Ultimate Love through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus and by giving us His very own Spirit to live within us if we only accept His Son’s work on the Cross by asking Him into our lives (hearts).
Today starts with snow on the ground. A year ago that would have been scary in that we’d had so much that another inch or two only added to the foot or more already here. This morning it is a treat in that we’ve had so little. Tomorrow Kathy and I fly to S. Calif. I am looking forward to this getaway. Not only do I get to see my two sisters, we get to have some warmer weather for a change. I said a little yesterday about my angst in leaving without having my daughter’s car situation settled, but God has provided peace in that His timing is not now and I can not only see this but thank Him for it. We sure don’t want to settle on a vehicle He isn’t honoring.
Our step study lesson yesterday on Gratitude was so rewarding. One of the men said he’d dreaded this lesson. He has struggled this past year so much with his addiction and has relapsed twice. Giving gratitude seemed not the thing to do at this point. Yet, he said after the class ended that the sharing in class and hearing from others that gratitude is something he can have even in the midst of the depth of recovery. His wife is supporting him, his church is fully behind him, he has a job he loves–yes, he struggles, but everyday he has several men who he checks in with or they are checking in with him. He said he thought this must be what the first church was like. Christ was helping others come out of their misbeliefs, see the truth and help one another find their own truth in Christ. This is what happens all the time in Celebrate Recovery. In our deepest sorrow and sharing there is never judgment given, only support and love. I am truly grateful for this too.
I’ve had so much support myself in my own recovery. I remember a few years back when Kathy and I were driving to S. Calif. and I was going to be sharing my recovery testimony to my sis there. We had spent the night halfway and it was now the morning of the day when we’d arrive. I had been driving about 30 minutes. I was so fearful about what I was about to do that I pulled over on the side of the road and simply bawled. I asked Kathy why in the world she would love me and be so supportive and why would my sis ever love me once she heard what she was about to hear? Kathy’s words were so touching. She didn’t see the person I saw in me. My sis didn’t either. Now 5 years later, God is helping me see the new creation He has made in me. I am a servant to man through Christ Jesus telling of a Gift that has been so kindly and lovingly given to me. This gift is that of Christ Jesus Himself and that of The Holy Spirit. I want people to know This Gift is also equally available for them. To God be all Glory!
Today is mom’s birthday. If she were with us she would be 108 years old. Well, in many ways she is with me. I carry the treasure of her smile, her quiet strength deeply within me. So much of my life I wanted to have that quiet strength of mom entering into the chaos. Yet, now so many years later, I have let that go and relish in simply loving the wonderful memories of a mom who never quit nor gave up on life itself. God has used her and her example to help so many of us kids and those who knew her.
When I first was ready to journal this morning I was nudged to not do so until I’d finished the step study lesson we will likely get into later this morning as our class finishes the relapse lesson. I went ahead and opened my book and saw that the next lesson was Gratitude. As I read it and completed the questions I knew exactly why God wanted me to pause and do it. I am driven to have things tidied up when I’m stepping away for a while. Next Tuesday Kathy and I leave for a week to visit my two sisters in S. Calif. I haven’t been able to get my daughter’s car squared away for her and this has loomed over my head. It eats at my inner peace. So, in doing the gratitude lesson God needed to reawaken me to His timing. It wasn’t very long ago that He was talking to me about this and this morning He needed to do so again. My timing is driving me nuts! He wants me back on His timing. I know He is working as I’ve seen so much evidence. I let it go again this morning and thanked Him for all He is doing, has done and will do. I can go next week knowing He is right here taking care of details I can address when we return.
So, what am I most grateful for at this moment?—A God who has made me an heir of Him and His Kingdom. In spite of all my humanness–He loves me. I truly love Him too!
I’m having a difficult time getting started writing this blog today. Almost always I know exactly what I want here or what I think God is wanting me to put here. Today, there is much to say, but I’m struggling for words.
Yesterday, my daughter and I were able to talk through some important items. First, we are not selecting a car while we power struggle. She didn’t see this as a power struggle and I sure didn’t want to helping as though it were one. We agreed to be praying for God’s leadership. We also were able to talk through what was important in the car of her choice separating needs from wants. This was a good step. I spent the rest of the day in collaboration with the small team of people who do the same work I do with schools. We are prepping for the actual work of the coming school year which will be to work with the bottom 5% of performing schools in Idaho. It is quite different from working with the pilot ones I’m presently with. I do know the issues I’ll face with them, but I don’t want to take on this work if it’s not in God’s plan for me. I know one of the biggest problems low performing schools face is consistent leadership whether in the classroom or for the school/district itself. They have constant turnover for various reasons. I don’t want to add to their problems by quitting mid-stream if I’m to work with them–it’s a three year assignment. I haven’t heard God’s answer to this but He is giving me hints.
Today’s scripture reading was in Ephesians 5 & 6. It is in 6:10-18 where Paul outlines putting on the armor of God as we face each day. In years past I’ve picture putting this armor on each morning as I’d finish my devotional time. I wouldn’t get very far into the day when I’d beg God to empower me with this armor only to find it not working well. Today, as I read these verses again I was doing so as a spirit-filled man. I asked God to give me clarity for them. As I began to pray from my prayer list I read what I have at the top–New Creation. I have it written there so I’d remember each morning that I am a new creation thanks to Christ and His Holy Spirit within me. However, my awakening this morning was that this Armor of God is going on this new creation. I’ve always attempted to put the armor on the old me which is dead in God’s eyes. He’s made me new! Today, I’m going into this day wearing the Armor of God as the new creation He made me to be. Praise be to God our Father!
Earnie Lewis 