For the past three days I’ve been in another part of our state doing some educational work.  This is the first time I’ve been gone like this and been so at peace.  The earthly circumstances didn’t provide the peace.  The school district had to close their schools for the days I and our team were there but we were able to do our work anyway because people came in spite of the weather.  What was so amazing to me was the peace that was present within me.  There was also a strength present that was only about God’s Spirit.  Now that I’m becoming more aware of living in the new creation given by Jesus Christ I find an assurance I’ve never known.  These trips in the past have always caused anxiety because I’d be tempted to look at porn or something along that line.  This just wasn’t the case.  The only time the thought even entered my mind, it was immediately countered with the awareness that this new creation doesn’t stoop to it.  When it happened I thought–where did that come from?  Yet, I knew.

Today is a big day.  I’m going to the district where I’ve been working the past three months filling in for an administrator there.  I’m prepping to leave as I’ll be done next week.  This isn’t such a big item, but it is saying good-by to some mighty good folks.  Tonight I have a board meeting with the Aslan group.  We have some critical conversations needing to take place and I’m leading them.  God has provided me with materials I sense He is wanting us to use.  I woke up anxious about it at 5:00 am and got up.  God was wanting me to see all of this in His perspective.  There is so much for me to learn about living in the spiritual strength of being the new creation Jesus gave us.  Instead of fear, I go in anticipation of experiencing God’s Spirit doing His work as I obediently do mine.

Lastly, we had Celebrate Recovery last night after 3 weeks of cancellation due to this weather we’ve had.  How great is was to experience God’s presence once again with those who are so honest with their hurts, hang-ups and habits.  God is so GOOD!

I know I said yesterday that this title needs to adjust to the journey begins.  I still feel this way today.  It is as though the journey continues all right, but now I’ve finally found the true path to righteousness in the journey.  The path has always been there and I’ve somewhat been on it.  What is so different is the person on the path.  I have not been awake to this new creation God has given me.  Now that I’m actually awake to being this new creation I see a path I’ve never known.  This path is one of assurance.

So much of scripture is about spiritual living but I’ve always tried to translate it into a flesh meaning.  No wonder the Word of God has been such a mystery for man.  Jesus talked often in parables.  Just the statement that man must be born again is a perfect example.  We say, “How can a fully grown man be born again?”  It is so simple when I see this birth with my spiritual eyes open.  Please don’t think I’ve not understood being born again.  I just am using it as a simple example.  What I haven’t known and understood is living in the life that is born from this second birth.  God is helping me see this new creation not as a hope but as a reality.

I am going to be here the rest of my earthly life.  I want to be awake and a good learner in this new creation.  What freedom is mine and how wonderful to not feel the shackles of man’s bondage and shame.  To God be the Glory!

As I write this morning’s entry I feel as though I should entitle it:  The Journey begins.  It is the first day of consciously living as a new creation.  All day yesterday I kept being reawakened to the fact I am no longer the old me.  All the teachings of Celebrate Recovery, Conquer, the counseling I’ve had, church sermons, Bible studies and more are now making complete sense.  I know that 24 hours of believing this new me is nice, but I also know that life moves on and so does the fleshly side of living.  The amazing thing is that I have an inner assurance that this fleshly side is not what owns me.  To choose to live in the Spirit is now in ownership.  Before, this has always been somewhat of a mystery and grounded more in hope.  Today it is a belief that goes clear to the beginning of me–when I first came into existence thorough physical birth.  I learned awfully early that I wasn’t what man  wanted, however, I was exactly what God intended.  I no longer have that baggage being dragged along with me.  I have always wanted to dislodge it but with all the learning I had, I couldn’t seem to do it.  Now that I have been able to allow Christ to take Him and me to the very core of me, I am FREE.

Christ was tempted just like we are but He never chose to sin.  For the first time I can see myself choosing not to sin too.  This is such an amazing awakening.  I know there will be much more for me to learn in the days ahead but I don’t look into the future with any kind of fear.  I only look with anticipation for I am stepping into it as a new creation.  I am led by a God I now trust fully and with His team of Christ within me and The Holy Spirit for whom I have much to still learn.

Yesterday when I ended my devotions God did something I didn’t find until this morning when I began my Bible reading.  I’ve said for several days that God has been working with me about intimacy.  Yesterday I mentioned what He’d showed me about receiving any type of praise or affirmation.  Well, yesterday was a rather typical Sunday with church and choir, my step study for Celebrate Recovery, The CR leadership meeting and then a quartet practice later in the afternoon.  During this time I’d had a lady wanting to talk to me about her relationship with her husband and the lack of intimacy in it.  She’d asked Kathy if she could talk to me.  This talk was about a 30 minute one and she had much to vent.  I did tell her that God was working on intimacy with me so I wasn’t sure how much I could help her except to understand the need to grow this in their relationship.  I helped her see a couple items like judgment and some rigid boundaries which wouldn’t help intimacy at all, instead it would squelch any ounce of it.  I gave her some thoughts about stepping into a conversation of this topic without these elements being present.  She text me last night saying she just couldn’t do it, she was too anxious about blowing it.  I assured her God’s timing was critical so if last night wasn’t the right time, let it go.

Yesterday I finished reading Ephesians 6 and was ready to start Philippians this morning with my Bible reading part of my devotions.  However, when I opened my Bible and started to read I saw the insert Joyce Myers had written entitled “choose life in the Spirit”.  I was struck by the title’s word:  choose.  It was the first time I’ve actually seen and comprehended the fact I can choose to live in the Spirit.  Living in the Spirit has always been a mystery for me but this title said I can choose.  The interesting piece to this is that I’d just read this a few days back but didn’t catch it. It is at the 6th chapter of Galatians, not Ephesians.   What’s even more interesting to me is that I have no idea why my prayer list was in this page.  I had finished Ephesians yesterday, not Galatians, but that is where my prayer list was.  The added piece to this is the song:  “He Loves Me”.  The words go:  “He loves me, before the world began–He loved me….”  These words and tune have have been going through my mind endlessly for a couple weeks.  I love the song but hadn’t pieced them to God’s intent.

Yesterday I’d asked God to plant the seed of intimacy in me and let it take root.  So today as I began my scripture reading He had me rereading what I’d read about a week ago but didn’t get.  I was telling the lady yesterday things that were in this passage of reading but I hadn’t applied them to me.  He wanted me to see this morning that this applied to me as well as to everyone else in my life and in this world of people He’s created.  I get to choose to live by the Spirit.

The sexual abuse of man and the physical and emotional abuse of man had scarred my own spirit badly enough in my early years I couldn’t awaken it.  However, God, in the past many weeks has been awakening for me a belief that I am His child and I’m on purpose.  Along with this is the fact that when I was born He had this already in mind.  This wasn’t nurtured when I was a child, dad thought it best to kill it.  Now I realize that dad just didn’t understand living by the Spirit.  He was living by the flesh.  I was so deeply influenced by this early treatment that I lost my ability to trust spirit.  In fact I have always believed that spirit and emotions were synonyms and I didn’t want anything to do with them because dad’s emotions were out of control and my brother’s sexual emotions were too.  This morning I was awakened to truth.  God loves me and gave me the opportunity to live by the Spirit–His Holy Spirit.  I needed to awaken to the fact that my spirit is alive.  I surrender it to God so He can help me live by His Spirit.

Yesterday God had me using tools He’s given me without my own understanding of their personal application to me.  I wept when I finally realized just how much He does love me and now I realize He loved me before the abuse ever started.  I’m utterly amazed by all of this.  Yet, it is true.  I am going to be far more intentional in living by choosing to live by His Spirit from this day forward.

It is nice to be home and using the computer to write this rather than my iphone.  I’ve almost finished reading a book on the early life of John Newton, a British man in the 1700’s who worked to abolish slavery in England.  It was funny to watch his life develop as I’ve read the book and to process intimacy in it.  He was a very passionate boy who had it severely treated by a father who loved him but didn’t know how to show it and a mother who died when he was only 7 years old.

This morning God has been pointing out that I haven’t been able to grow with intimacy because I have so many walls still “protecting me” from it.  These are the walls of resisting compliments, talking down words of affirmation, belittling my personal capabilities, etc.  I won’t let myself be touched with words or with human hands.  I shy away from physical touch rather than embrace it.  I will embrace someone but I won’t let them embrace me.  I suppose I’ve known this but I sure haven’t been awake to it like I am now.  Actually, what I awoke to this morning is that the old me is what I become when I am placed in a situation receiving any type of praise or personal affirmation.  If I am touched it is my old self that responds.  These times are when I must let my new self receive, relate and respond.  I’ve asked God to show me what intimacy is and what to do with it.  He is doing this.  Now, I need to do my part.

This is going to be an interesting day.  I have church, choir, step study, Celebrate Recovery leadership meeting and quartet practice today  with one right after the other.  It will be good to try and stay awake to intimacy during these times.  God is a mighty good teacher.  I want to be a mighty good student.

Today’s actual journey brings Kathy and me back to Idaho. We are missing two funerals today of ones we love. I pray for the ones grieving their absence on earth. 

I’ve been fearing this intimacy thing. This morning in my devotions I asked God Himself to help me with it. I know intimacy with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are critical as well as with Kathy and so many more. Yet the word scares me. Today God told me to give this fear to Jesus so He can Crucify it with everything else He took to the cross. He said He was planting the seed in me for intimacy to grow, but my fear–resistance was keeping it from being nurtured so it can spring into life. So I’ve given this fear to Christ. I Trust Him. 

This is a seed I truly want to take root within me. I know others have expressed their need in this area. We can share our growth together. Thank you Jesus. 

Today our new president is sworn into office. It’s a memorable day. But, what will make it most memorable will be restoring a nation that honors God rather than a nation that simply allows its people to honor God if they so choose. I’d love to see our nation putting God in the forefront. 

Today I am challenged to put God in the forefront of everything I do.  If we do this in every aspect of our life we can help others do the same. God had Jesus take my shame and sin to the cross. In its place He has given me His Holy Spirit. I want to be  a vessel who shines this Light of God even showing what has been the haunts of my past. In so doing others can find the courage to take the same step in trusting God to give them the same freedom. I pray as we unite in letting God so show His Light through us that our nation will unite in so doing also. To God be all glory!

These past few days God has been focusing me on matters of intimacy.  I mentioned this a few days ago. As I am now reading Ephesians and in chapter 3 today I find Paul telling them to open themselves to the fullness of Jesus’ gift of healing. In my Freedom book it is asking about where I don’t fully trust?  Good grief–I’m feeling anxious for I know this next step is intimacy. 

This morning the Freedom book asked me to outline what God is placing on my heart and what it would look like as a miracle. It’s too private to write out here but it is all about sexual intimacy. Jesus assures me His healing touch is already at work or I’d not be writing this much. My mind races to all kinds of fearful places but Jesus assures me that staying in the present and taking one day at a time and one moment at a time–He will take the hardship and turn it into a pathway of peace. I’m going to trust this and not flee. 

I hope you don’t struggle with this too. If you do however, I know God’s promise isn’t just true for me. Let’s pray for one another as we step into genuine faith in this arena. 

It has been wonderful spending this week with my family here in California. I can see why reflection is so important in recovery. It’s so important to see where you are in retrospect to where you’ve been. God makes Himself very clear in reflection. He sees the future knowing He wants us to trust Him with ours as we walk into each day. As I reflect and see all He’s done in my life I more easily trust this continued walk into the future of each day. 

God unearths everything I need to address to have freedom. Yet He reminds me to step into the day knowing He is not the God I thought I knew but the God He has shown Himself to be these past several months. I love Him and His Team: Christ and The Holy Spirit. 

Today God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are more complete than I’ve ever known. I journaled to Jesus today for the first time since last July. As I talked to him through my journaling I was meeting someone much richer and qualified to be my God than ever before. God had me journaling to Him these past 6 months so I could now see more clearly the vastness of His Team. Jesus had been as limited as I saw God limited. I didn’t trust God to be all that others including the Bible said. I was wrong. God is not only all His Word describes, but He’s patiently waiting to be what the Bible says for you and me. It starts with trusting. 

My father had unintentionally taught me not to trust the word father. God has replaced that fear with grateful trust. As I was journaling to Jesus I knew this Savior was the Son of The One True God. I look forward to learning so much more in the days ahead about the meaning of all this. 

If you struggle to know and trust God, take the one step to ask Him to reveal Himself to you. You will be amazed at the loving, kind God He is. I truly know this now.