It is so much easier to deal with someone else’s problems than with my own.  When someone opens up to me I do my best to be a good listener and respond from the nudging I sense within from the Holy Spirit.  Once the setting is done, I walk away and usually leave whatever is left to do with the one who has it.  I’m writing this because when the problem is mine I can’t walk away from it.  It keeps lingering inside and attempting to damage as much as it can.

The last couple weeks have been the annual Christmas/New Year ones where everything in life shuts down so families can be together to whatever degree this happens.  I do love these times but the days following them to reconnect with life in the world haunt me.  They always have.  It is these down times when I get mentally attacked about the work/ministry I do.  Because I spend time reflecting on them, it leads me down the wrong path.  I tend to go on the path of destruction thinking things like–“This best end soon so I don’t destroy it,” or “This will never come together until the leadership is someone else.”  When I am steeped in the work I still have these fleeting thoughts but they dissipate quickly because life is moving on.  However, during these down times the thoughts take deeper root or attempt to.  I’ve been talking to God about them in my devotional times because I realize they are Satan’s tools rather than God’s.  I’m also realizing that they come in dreams when I’m asleep as well as when I’m tired from the end of a day.  Also, if I don’t verbalize them they tend to own me much more.  Writing this here uproots them so I can see them as only futile lies.

2018 is the year of growing our Recovery Ministries at our church.  There are so many people hurting silently.  Satan is destroying any hope they have that there can be light/healing for their hurts.  Today I’m meeting with one of our pastors as we begin to take steps of readiness for these ministries to materialize.  I know these are the reasons I’m having such a present struggle.  Please join me in praying for the hurting ones.  Pray  that Satan’s attempts are thwarted and God’s Light will penetrate their present darkness.  Pray for unity of spirit as we step into completing what The Holy Spirit’s prompting.  I want only to step as He opens each door.  To God be ALL GLORY!

Have you ever thought about what you look like from God’s perspective?  Today, my devotional I’ve begun to use asks me to take a look at myself from exalted God’s perspective?  It seemed instantaneous that I knew why a year and a half ago God asked me to begin to journal to Him.  He wanted me to know my exalted God.  Once I could see Him as Exalted I could then see myself as redeemed by Him and His work with His Son Jesus.  My life had been lived attempting to please a God who was never going to be pleased because the God I knew wasn’t the One True God.  The God I knew overlooked the flaws in me and the sins of me because I worked hard to please Him.  Well, now I know the lies of my thinking.  God also knew I was never going to turn myself around so He asked me to journal to Him so I could actually find the One True God who loved me unconditionally.  He had wanted me to know the extent of work He and His Son had done so I could stand before Them one day–redeemed.  I find this so amazing!

Yesterday’s post was telling of my inner struggle even today as I continue walking with God completing the work He wants me to do.  By the end of the day I was going back to the unworthy, unfit person who couldn’t do this.  This morning I asked God when I would ever get to the place of stability with Him?   He told me I would not get there this side of heaven.  This is something He wants me telling to the world so the world knows He doesn’t need us to be perfect to come to Him.  He already has paved a perfect plan for us.  He wants us to accept it and believe it is real for each of us.  My confession will help others take their step.  If we believers don’t confess our own deficiency others won’t either.  I guess this simply empowers me to be ok with my humanness knowing God is ok with it too.

God is truly the one and only Exalted God.  Taking a moment to let yourself be seen at His level will allow you to see Him at His level.  There is no condemnation there.  That was all down here with me not with Him.  All this starts with me believing.  Wow, isn’t God amazing!

I have no idea what’s going on with my internet and my computer but I can’t get to my blog on it. I can with my phone so I’m writing this from my iPhone.

Happy New Year! I got up this morning knowing I just can’t do the ministry at church being called the recovery ministry. I’m just not qualified and I still sin and on and on. This new year needs to start with honesty and this is my honest confession.

As my devotions began I was starting my new devotional by the Blackaby brothers called Experiencing God Day By Day. It mentions how loving God is and how He equips is to do His Will. His equipping isn’t so much by my skill as it is by my belief in Him. Do I believe I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength? If so I have to believe and that’s the final answer.

I’ve never wanted to do anything more in my life than do this ministry. God has been preparing me for some time now–a life time. Satan sure doesn’t want me doing it. He wants me believing my old self lies. Instead I’m choosing to believe what God promises–I can do all things through His Son Jesus who gives me strength.

I’m going into this new year believing. God has much to teach me here and I’m ready to begin. Join me in believing!

Since I’ve started writing this blog my own personal family has been less than connected as a whole unit.  Some things happened about 4 years ago which triggered some hurt that has carried into this year.  However, 2017 has been a year of taking steps by the adults.  My own kids have begun to come together allowing their kids to mingle and be cousins playing together again.  I write this because this Christmas has been a culmination of the grandkids being together much of the time this past week.  It has been a week of joy having them together and it has also been a week of chaos.  I don’t say this complaining, just saying it as a fact.  I love how God keeps growing us into a deeper understanding of Himself and in so doing, a deeper understanding of how to get along with those around us–including family members.  All this chaos ends tomorrow as I take our kids from Oklahoma to the airport about 5:00 am.  Everyone will go home tonight to their respective homes.  Kathy and I will have a home of us and our oldest grandson again.  I think silence will have a new appreciation for a few days.

It seems timely to be reading Romans of late.  It is a book filled with the confusion/division of sin conflicting with us being a new creation in Christ.  As the book is written it is a first generation of believers having had a revelation from Christ’s days/years with them.  However, I read the book and find that over 2000 years later we still have the same struggles.  Living the life of a new creation in Christ is simply a complete contradiction to human living and thinking.  We are so driven to prove ourselves by doing rather than accepting ourselves by being.  Christ tells us He has done the work for us to be with Him and He in us.  I suppose I will live the rest of my human days working through the truth of this to some degree or another.  All I can say is that I am so grateful for the work Christ has done for me and each of us.  Living for Him is a gift and I do want to continue this for the rest of my days.

Last night was Celebrate Recovery.  My daughter from Oklahoma City went with me to assist with worship.  It was a glorious experience, for me at least.  We also had our first time ever Celebrate Recovery band.  We had a drummer, a guitarist and a mandolin player.  It was so enjoyable and I do believe God was glorified.  I look forward to seeing this grow.  As we got home my daughter said she saw and heard something from being present last night that hadn’t hit her.  Even though her church has a CR, she hasn’t fully taken part in attending except the couple times I’ve visited them and had given my testimony for them.  She was taken back by the openness of people sharing their blatant struggles out loud so all could hear.  She wasn’t sure how to introduce herself until she heard these others doing it and then it hit her.  I would simply say….  She and her husband have worked diligently at their own church to help it be more authentic.  This candidness experienced last night gave insight as to what authentic actually looks like in a spirit-led service.

This morning in my devotions I started Romans.  Paul is talking about living by faith and just how important it is to do this if we are going to be fully free in Christ to live for Him.  Before Celebrate Recovery I had faith that God would keep my story hidden from the world around me so I could live for Him and serve Him in my church and in my work.  I had faith so turned around!  Now I do just the opposite.  I live each day believing that God will use me with my past as I live each day.  I no longer fear if someone finds out I was_________________ or if I had thoughts about _____________.  These are simply my human side living one day at a time.  As I give myself to God’s purposes each day and believe in confident faith, I can be so much freer.  When I confess the truth of my own struggles I allow my truth to help others tell their own.  This is putting confident faith to work by believing God is in control and I don’t need to try and be.

There is much I want to learn in this new territory of faith living.  I do believe strongly that this is part of being a new creation in Christ.  As we grow in being this new creation we more and more understand that doing for Christ starts with believing.  I’m thinking that believing is one of the first steps in personal faith. It only needs to be as big as a mustard seed to start too as stated in Matthew 17:20.   God is wanting me to take this and make it real in my life.  I sense this strongly.  Join me if God is nudging you in this same direction.

This journey took quite a different step yesterday as all of the family began to arrive.  Only one person came for Christmas dinner outside of kids and grandkids and we had 20 people.  All but 5 of them are nestled into corners and couches attempting to get a good night’s sleep.  I asked God this morning how I would spend time with Him in the midst of this?  He seemed to have a quick response for me.  He simply reminded me that it is in my mind I can seek Him.  He is never even a step away.  He resides there and all I have to do is focus on Him instead of focusing on the chaos of so many people around me.  So, with that in mind, I’ll see how I do today.

I am rejoicing having all of our family together this season.  It has been a few years since this has happened.  God has a way of using all things to grow us into His likeness.  He sure has some work to do with us.  I see much that doesn’t look like Him, but He keeps reminding me He is never done.  I truly praise Him for His patience in all the remakes!  To God be all glory!

Today the journey completes itself at Bethlehem.  I should say my journey completes itself by stopping and worshipping at Bethlehem.  What a sacred and holy day.  This Savior born today was born of man.  Yet, He was born of man so I could be reborn into eternal life.  God knew there was no way any of us were going to make it on our own.  We could not redeem what sin had done no matter how hard we tried.  Sin is stronger than me (and anyone of us).  Yet, God knew He could trust His Son to do what no man could so He sent His One and Only Son.  How amazing is this!

You would think this Gift of Jesus Christ would be the sufficient act of love.  Yet, there is another Gift awaiting us as we accept Christ into our hearts as our Savior.  This Gift is God’s Holy Spirit.  I am learning more and more about this most Precious Gift as I live each day.  Christ and The Holy Spirit complete the Three in One of our Godhead.  God has given these other two as Gifts–one to redeem us and the other to live within us.  Wow, Christmas began a change for man like no other.

Join me today celebrating this most precious love Gift from God our Father.  Then, tomorrow, lets be sure the world knows just how important it is for them to know and receive Him too as our journey continues.

Yesterday afternoon I had finished the gift wrapping and took care of a good deal of clean up following Kathy’s sorting of what to keep and what do discard.  I settled into my recliner and finished a book I had struggled for days to read.  I knew it was good–Kathy had told me I needed to read it.  As I would sit to read it I found myself putting it down repeatedly with a subtle desire to leave it.  Yesterday I steeled myself knowing I needed to get it done and find out why I should read it and why I kept trying not too.

It finally hit me as I was approaching the end–VOICES.  The book had several characters being developed.  Each of them would eventually be connected as the plot culminated.  What each character had struggling within was voices.  It was so subtly woven into the writing I hadn’t picked up on it until last night.  These evil, ugly voices of worth/value, conceit, judgment and much more have been the ones I’ve battled all my life.  That was the very reason I had to so often put the book down while reading it.  I couldn’t stand the fact I related to all of them so well.  Kathy knew this from having read the book.  She didn’t say I’d enjoy it–she said, “I needed to read it.”  I had to weep as I finished it.  It just hit so hard.

This morning as I had begun my journaling I wrote that today is the eve of our celebration–Christ coming to redeem man.  Later in the journaling I asked God why that dang book was so important?  He immediately pointed out the second half of Christ’s coming for us (me).  In John 14:15-17 Christ is telling us that He will ask the Father and He will give us an advocate to help us….  This advocate is The Holy Spirit.  Do you know how we know The Holy Spirit?  It is by the gentle voice within us.  He is the voice of promise, the voice of hope, the voice of direction, the voice of light.

If you are at all like me you have battled voices all your life and likely your childhood brought about hearing voices which now weigh heavily within us.  As I stated in yesterday’s blog post, many of mine are dying.  This is the promise of healing Christ is giving to me and to each of us who come to Him.  What is a greater gift is the Voice which replaces those of lies.  This is the Voice of The Holy Spirit–The Voice of Truth.  This Christmas I am thanking God more than anything else for this GIFT–The Holy Spirit.  He is giving me a voice of hope, promise, direction and light.  I give Him much thanks for this!

If you struggle with these voices of evil–of lies, stop long enough to read John 14:15-17 and let the first voice of truth speak to you.  He so wants to be your dominant VOICE.

As the day got rolling yesterday it turned out I’d be babysitting a couple of the younger grandsons.  School is out and mom is still working.  I had thought it would mean no gift wrapping but as the day progressed, I did get all the boys done as well as the men.  As I was taking them home last night I had realized there was little for their stockings.  I get caught in this each year.  I watch and listen to them talk to determine the best gifts for Christmas.  What I never watch for is the small things like what they enjoy snacking on.  These are usually a large part of the stocking stuffers.  I asked while I was driving and got a good list in my mind.

I stopped at the grocery store once they were deposited home.  I had found most of the items they told me about.  A couple however had me stumped.  I don’t know candy well as I’m not much for snacking.  As I went to the bulk dept to see if they by chance had it I ran into a lady who had been a student of mine 41 years ago.  Her son had also gone to my school so we had much to talk about.  She said she’d heard I’d written a book so I told her it was my autobiography.  When I said it was about my overcoming a childhood of abuse she took note.  I mentioned my involvement in Celebrate Recovery and then she opened up about her own involvement in the program a few years back.  I suppose we talked for over 30 minutes.  I’m mailing her a book as her request.

This morning I realized I had no fear in opening up to her last night.  Those old voices were gone.  I praise God for that.  That is a real healing God is giving.  I love this God of ours.  He is so loving.  Praise Him with me today.

I sit down to the computer this morning with a great deal of gratitude.  The work I do with the schools is done except for the monthly reports I will finish this morning, shopping is done and my grandson is here to help me organize the wrapping process, the ministry work is on hold until after the new year, and I’m able to take the next couple days and get my part all done for the upcoming family days.  There is something about time and having enough of it so getting things done can be enjoyed rather than crammed into a quick moment.

When I was journaling earlier I asked God what he wanted me to know for the days ahead when all the family is here (arriving Sunday evening for the week)?  I’m always taken back by His immediate responses to questions.  He simply said, “Don’t allow anything to interrupt our time each morning.  You need to know that I desire it with you, you need it and desire it, and your family actually looks to you in admiration for taking the time with Me each day. ”  I do love how plain God makes His messages.  I can get all befuddled trying to analyze things, but when I simply ask, He gives a clear and concise response.

So, into the day I go ready to sort, wrap and enjoy!