“If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!” John 8:36.  The freedom our country celebrates today is national freedom.  Do we remember what the freedom was from?  Our forefathers fought for religious freedom as well as taxation freedom.  We were not going to be a country flying another country’s flag.  We stood for a freedom that had not been recognized in the old country.

Today, I celebrate two freedoms which have similarities, but are very different.  The one freedom is what July 4th is all about:  our national freedom from the bondage of ownership by England.  I am not a historian by any means, but I do know our country wanted to proclaim itself free to be and do as its leaders decided–not what our leaders wanted and then OK’d by another set of leaders.  We paid a steep price for this liberty.  The second freedom I celebrate is one that cost me nothing.  God had His Own Son Jesus pay the price that I could never pay no matter how good of a fighter I might be.  This freedom humbles me and brings me to my knees in gratitude and tears of thanksgiving.

The spiritual freedom our forefathers fought to obtain will only be maintained if we don’t lose sight of its ongoing importance in keeping our other freedoms.  God is our One and only King, Ruler, Guide and Intimate Friend.  Yet, if we let our country lose sight of this, we cannot maintain the other rights to freedom.  Man cannot forget that even though man fought for this freedom, the greater battle was one known as a spiritual one–Jesus Christ fought this one for us and WON.

Lets wave our flags of freedom today but lets not forget to wave our thanksgiving to God our Father and Jesus Christ His Son.  The one freedom cannot maintain itself if this truth is forgotten by our nation–One Nation Under God!

Have you ever hurt from the pain of someone you love or care about?  Even little kids know this pain.  It was not uncommon to have a young student at school come up to me when someone they knew had been treated poorly by another child or even from the teacher or a playground adult on duty.  Kids know when someone is mistreated.  God built us to sense each other’s pain.  These are characteristics He gave us which are His own.  He knows our pain and it pains Him too.

My sis who lost her husband the end of April is in the midst of hurting from the loss of Randy.  It doesn’t matter that she knows he is in a better place–with God Himself, she is left without his physical presence.  I feel her pain and pray with her in it.  In my devotions this morning God was showing me another part of Him that I know, but needed to be reminded.  This reminder is that God knows our pain and feels it, and those of us supporting the one hurting need to also praise God.  Praise God that the pain we know might be real, but it is also temporary.  What is eternal is the love and mercy of God.  The pain will subside but God’s love and mercy will never subside.  We know pain because of man’s choices (our own and those before us) to sin.  Death is part of man’s consequences of sin going back to Adam and Eve.  However, God through His love and mercy gave us Jesus to provide the way to God’s eternal love and mercy.

This morning I hurt for my sis but I praised God that Randy is with God now.  We can do the same–praise God from whom all blessings flow!  We can do that for one another when the one who hurts too much can’t praise at the moment.  God knows and understands.  I think that’s why God tells us we are family.  How I love this Heavenly Dad we have.

This morning I was wondering what my mom was feeling 67 years ago when she had baby #10 to care for?  Bonnie was only 2 and now another.  Dad was gone on a fishing trip yesterday with most of the older boys.  She was left to get herself to the doc for my delivery and she didn’t even drive.  Times were different then even though I know most father’s wouldn’t have done what dad did that day.  I’m so glad to know that in spite of man’s behaviors, our God plans for each one of us.  He wanted me around for a reason just like each one of you.

Yesterday was a pleasant and relaxing day driving into the mountains, eating lunch with friends and enjoying the beauty of God’s created earth.  I had a couple calls from Aslan but I let it go.  God keeps reminding me He is the One at work now and my role is to keep watching.  When I’m to take a next step, I’ll know it as I keep grounded in His leading.

Today I simply want to praise God from Whom all blessings flow.  He is the One and only True God.  I never want to lose sight of this Truth.  To God be all Glory!

It is my birthday!  About 7 years ago my grandson who is 13 told me I was “lucky to be alive” when he found out how old I was at the time.  He laughs now when I kid him about this.  He says he was a little boy then.  I still love his demonstration of childhood thinking and the freedom to express it.

Last night I had two of the most troubling phone calls from the Aslan group.  I am totally stunned by the thinking and absurdity of a couple members.  The situations of this journey I’m on presently leaves me thinking I’m totally on the wrong track and I need to shift quickly.  However, God is staying my actions.  He keeps telling me He is doing His work and He wants me to be ready to respond with my part.  I wish I could be specific with the details, but that would be too much like gossip.  This great group developing to support sex-trafficked girls is in need of prayer.  Satan is certainly not wanting it to move forward.  Splitting it down the middle is exactly what he’s trying to do and last night it was about to happen.  I’m hoping I was able to stop the process for now.

Today we are taking a drive into the mountains and enjoying time with friends who are there for the weekend.  We will go for the day and I need to go pick raspberries before we can leave!  I am lucky to be alive and most lucky to be free to live my life totally for God’s purpose in my life.  I want to forever praise Him!

In my devotional this morning which I’m using, it asked if I know the meaning of heir?  Of course I immediately in my mind went to my book’s title:  The Journey from Heir to Error.  It went on to say that heir gives us access through the work of Jesus Christ to all that Christ has access to with His Father.  We have this access because we chose Christ to be our Lord and Savior.  My greatest component in being an heir has been my freedom from my past.  Living in the freedom, that my past is a tool used by God, is amazing.  However, I’m also learning that to maintain freedom “one day at a time and one moment at a time” is its own assignment.  In the times like the first part of this week, when I had lost sight of my freedom,  I needed to BELIEVE something that for the moment I couldn’t grab a hold of.  I’ve said before that words like believe, trust, faith are spiritual substance words.  They are tangible in the spiritual realm, not this earthly-human realm.  I see this so much more clearly now that I’m back on track.  I am an heir to God’s freedom.  He wants me to fight for this freedom for others who don’t know about it.  This is what happened yesterday in our meeting.  I found myself fighting.

In our board meeting for the sex trafficked girls, I was hearing from others that there is “sin in our camp”.  The reason we are not able to move forward with our plan is that someone is sinning, one member informed us.  This set me back on my haunches and I’m leading the meeting.  We were able to address some troubling actions but we didn’t make any resolve.  The conflict is still very present.  In journaling this morning with God about it He is reminding me of what my Experiencing God is teaching me.  We board members are facing a crisis of belief.  In the crisis God is working and I need to let Him do His kingdom work.  The work this board is attempting to do is Kingdom Work but if man keeps staying in control God can’t and won’t.  So, I’m acting on belief that this outcome will be God’s handiwork.  I’ll only take steps when He opens the door shedding new light.  Until then, if there is sin in the camp, He will certainly identify it.  My assignment?  “Be still and know that I AM GOD” Psalms 46:10

Our God is a loving, gentle, kind Father.  Yet, the work He wants us to do is not called kind and gentle work.  As I have expressed the past couple days, I’ve needed to take a look at the worst character defect–my personal belief of who I am–and BELIEVE what I had thought is nothing but a LIE.  As difficult as it is to work through to the truth that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, God has done His part lovingly, gently and kindly.  The work I do in helping someone else work through their own ugly past is to be done in the same manner as God my Father has done with me.

Just a couple days ago I was questioning whether God actually wants me–this man who was sinned upon and has committed his own sins–to be used by Him.  He gently informed me that it was for these very reasons He wants me doing this.  I will always find this so amazing.  Today’s devotion time led me into God’s understanding that I chose Him to be my Father.  He actually said that when man adopts, the parents choose their child.  However, when God adopts us, we choose Him.  I had never thought through this before, even though I was very aware I chose God to be my Heavenly Father by accepting His Son Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

Today is the meeting with the board for our group working to establish a care facility for sex trafficked girls.  We will be expressing our personal commitment and what God has shown to us He wants us doing specific to this work.  The one thing I do know is that my old belief about myself will be something everyone of these abused kids will struggle with.  I know this piece of their struggle very well.  I want to commit to being loving, gentle and kind as I have the opportunity to mix with them and tackle this huge piece of work.  To God be all Glory, great things He has done and is doing.

Well, the battle of the past couple days didn’t end with yesterday’s blog.  I was called at noon time yesterday by the gentleman who leads our 7-Pillars group for our accountability.  I told him my struggle with the lesson and the specifics of the struggle.  He thanked me for articulating it to him.  He talked to me about his own battle and we ended the call.  The battle raged throughout the afternoon within me.  When I finally got to class last night I really was not in a good place emotionally or mentally.  I had begun to question the commitments I’d made for doing “God’s work”.  In class I talked about the findings from the lesson.  The walk away from the lesson was to replace the lies with truth in God’s word about who I am to God–“I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” for example.

This morning’s devotions brought more clarity for me.  God reminded me where He has me working–in the very pits of human pain and emotional suffering caused by man’s sins.  The past three days of torment have been just that–tormenting.  However, God is reminding me of His love for me and then He reminded me how telling my story of His work in my life brings healing.  He said that there are many who are suffering with their identity with man and particularly their identity with Him.  They need to hear how God is healing this for me.  They need to know that our pain turns into His passion once He is able to help us find His love, purpose and healing.  The roots of abuse run deeply within our flesh, but thanks be to God–our Healer–He takes our hardships and makes them a “pathway to peace” as is stated in the Serenity Prayer.  Our need is to just to take one day at a time and even one moment at a time with God at the helm.  This is not easy work but it is so rewarding when we finally find God in it.  I love this about our God and Father–The Mighty Healer.

Yesterday’s post was only the beginning of my learning about what the torment of “my differences” were.  After I’d written my blog I began to do my 7-Pillars lesson for tonight.  It was all about what from your past is still leading you into behaviors of addiction?  The lesson confronted head-on the blatant abuse of my brother’s sexual use and my dad’s verbal abuse about my worth to him.  The culminating part of the lesson was my writing that my only value to a man was his sexual use of me.  This I knew was a lie, but I also knew it about took my breath away having the rawness of this old truth (lie) breathing down my neck again.  I wanted to talk to Kathy and I wanted to call someone “I trust” but I didn’t do either.  I didn’t want to say this out loud!  It is too painful to risk it at the moment.  The only thing I did was alert my Celebrate Recovery accountability guy that I was struggling with an old lie brought out from this lesson.  I needed his prayers.

Today’s time with God brought out His Divine truth.  I needed to see the “differences” conversation from Sunday’s time with my brothers tied to the old lies from my past.  Yes, I did use to believe the lie about my value, but I now knew in my mind it was a lie.  I needed to know in my heart and soul it was a lie.  God assured me this morning that “He who begins a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.”  Philippians 1;6.  God reminded me He is healing all of these old areas of bondage.  These lessons may be painful but they are cleansing once I work through to the truth of them.  How blessed our Lord and Savior is.  He is the Healer and I want to stay on this journey to be completely whole.

In yesterday’s post I wrote about God’s nudges and His awakening regarding full obedience.  One of the questions in our step study lesson was what area of your life are you facing denial and working to change it?  I had written in response to the question my need to accept myself as OK.  The strengths and interests I have are very different than most of the Lewis boys’ strengths.  This doesn’t make me weak, it makes me different.  Yesterday afternoon two of my brothers and spouses came for dinner.  We had decided to start doing this monthly after being at my brother-in-law’s funeral the end of May.  They were bringing up some of the ways I am different as humorous and it was.  I laughed to because where they are strong I am not and it is funny–as in the time I needed to change a flat tire on Kathy’s SUV and I looked for 45 minutes for the spare.  I finally found it–mounted on the rear of the rig.  We had owned it for 5 years and of course I “knew” it was there, but, this is not a strength of mine!

Last night, after everyone was gone, I was being tormented about being different–weak.  I wanted to escape and flee into past sinful choices.  God was speaking about this to me.  This morning’s devotions spoke about seeing what makes us anxious, confess it and ask God to show the root cause so it can be uprooted and replaced.  I did just this.  I confessed the desires to escape and asked God to show me the root.  It was simple–my brothers were pointing out the differences between them and me.  I saw them as weaknesses yet, they only saw them as differences.  Satan has wanted me to believe these lies and throws them in my face rather routinely.  I don’t need to go there anymore.  The new creation I am is OK being different.  Differences don’t make weaknesses.  They actually make a stronger team when we use our differences for Godly means.

This morning I confessed my anxiety and asked God to uproot any last personal identity pieces/beliefs so they can be replaced with truth.  How patient God is in helping us return to the one He created us to be in Him.  The obedience I need to put into place is now being obedient to this truth.

This morning I’ve had a message driving itself home to me.  While I was doing my devotions I had a number of things on my mind needing done.  Once I’d finished my devotions and prayer time I went over my lesson today for the men’s step study we do for Celebrate Recovery.  Then, following that I did a lesson in Experiencing God.  Both of these lessons were about being obedient to God.  The portion that really was standing out to me was the part about how we limit God’s work in our life by the belief we have in Him.  How much faith do I actually have that God can and will do great things through me if I will simply obey no matter the size of the task?

I must say that this was very eye-opening for me.  I needed to walk through my life listing times I obeyed with faith and those times I disobeyed for lack of faith.  Each time I have disobeyed it was solely due to my belief in who I thought I was and what I thought others would think if they found out who I really am (with the past I have).  Now for the first time I am seeing the full extent of what God is asking of me when he says to “take up your cross and follow Me,”  Luke 9:23.   My cross was certainly my belief or lack thereof.  I was completely unwilling to take my past and follow Christ.  I had to stay in denial about the hurt of my past in order to do anything for Christ.  For in my mind, my past would eliminate my doing anything for Him.

Today God is wanting this totally gone.  A couple days ago in my devotions Joyce Myers states that “out of your heart will flow rivers of living water” John 7:25-29.  In this I now see that as I begin to fully obey Christ’s leading in my life, The Holy Spirit  will have full opportunity to flow out of me.  Joyce said that our past places stones blocking this flow.  I can easily state many of these stones but what I want to do today is admit these stones blockages and let The Holy Spirit remove them so He has full access to me and I show this by obeying all He asks of me.  In so doing, He can flow out of me freely.  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!