Our Oklahoma son-in-law’s parents arrived last night to go to dinner with us and spend the night. They graciously are driving a pickup back to Oklahoma City which is being given to our granddaughter by her “Grampie” who lives outside of Seattle. It is a treat to have them come. Kathy and I have always enjoyed having them with us. They haven’t been here for16 years.

Last night was Celebrate Recovery night and we had our meeting ahead of time with our pastor who oversees this ministry. We hadn’t been able to meet for a few months so there was much to talk through. There is some internal strife at the present so the meeting was very necessary and healthy. I do thank God for the way He takes charge when we step out of His Way.

Today I get to stay home and clean up the last of Fall. There are leaves still falling from a few trees. I wanted to let them finish before I go out and rake, but I can’t stand them being all over the way they are so today will be a great day to get to them and the wind is not blowing!

The journey has me seeing things about myself which I now realize are the realities of living in a fallen world–a world of sin. It is filled with man’s selfish nature and man’s selfish desires. It also is a world of the frailties of man caught in his sin. I write this because when we try to step out of this way of living on our own strength we keep stumbling and tripping up.

When Simon Peter denied Christ as Christ had predicted, it was Peter’s wake-up to his weak flesh. The Bible doesn’t tell us at this point what Peter did to become The Rock which Christ told him he would “be”. He wouldn’t “do” a Rock”, but he would be one. He would be solid in his stand for Christ. We do know that Christ confronted Peter that early morning when he had gone out in the boat to fish and caught nothing. When Peter recognized Christ was the one on the shore he jumped into the water and quickly went to Him. It was there that Christ asked him the three questions, “Do you love Me?”

Somewhere along the timeline Peter became the Rock Christ was making him to be. The journey I am on, and each of us are on as we follow Christ’s leadership in our lives, is helping me see who I am in Christ. It is here that I “am”. As I recognize this more and more and surrender to this more and more, I finally awaken to the folly of my efforts to “do” for Christ. “Be”ing a new creation doesn’t come from my efforts, it comes from my surrender. I learn to hear The Holy Spirit’s voice within and receive it as my “Commander’s charge”.

God is a Wonderful God of second chances as we strive to pursue His Ways. I know this personally for myself and also in witnessing this in others. I recently was asked to write a “letter to the editor” regarding a former student of mine who was now running for a city office with the voting yesterday. He had been a state senator a few years back but got himself into some ugly situations which caused him to need to resign from the position. Now many years later, 6 years, he has restored his marriage, his walk with God and was ready to see if the community would restore him in the political world. He text me yesterday morning asking if I could contact folks encouraging them to vote which I did on Facebook. Results–he won. I really do see this as God giving him a second chance. He really is a good man and has learned much about life and how to surrender what is God’s to address rather than for him to address it.

Last night’s class for us men was a challenge. It hit sexual abuse right in the face. There were moments in doing the assignment where I had to put it down and return later. However, I find myself able to talk about a few items which I couldn’t speak out loud a year ago. When it was done and I was leaving, one of the gals came up to me in tears. She told me she was so stunned to find that there are other women able to speak about their past in ways she hadn’t been able to until last night. God is so good at taking our past and using it to help another soul face theirs. How I love God for this!

The reality, truth, I wrote about yesterday needs a good deal more attention on my part. The fact that The Holy Spirit lives in me as a Gift is not to be taken lightly. Within each of us who have accepted Christ into our hearts–lives, is The Holy Spirit. He speaks to us in the quietness of our minds. He nudges us to take steps we often question and resist. Yet, when we do surrender our resistance and obey His nudge or His voice, there is an outcome which usually, if not always, startles us.

God has really been speaking to me through His Holy Spirit of late. This will sound silly, but hear me out. Our Christmas production is coming up in just a month. It is like the last 5 we have done in that there is an immense amount of memorization and some acting. I love watching this in a program, but I “hate” being part of it. I always endure this time of year prepping for it. I feel as though every spotlight is on me and I’m about to blunder big time! In my mind I’d decided this would be my last year to take part even though in the spirit of me I love the message and love being part of its delivery.

After practicing an hour or so yesterday morning on my own and then last night’s choir practice, I sang the songs without props–my book. I even did my solo without help. It’s still a month until the production. This morning as I journaled I asked God to help me know why this fear is so dominant in me? It seems to own me. I was reminded that throughout my childhood when I did a great deal of memorizing I began to sing more and more. It was my gift which dad couldn’t touch with his criticism. What he did do however was create a spirit of fear for doing it “right”. As I wrote all of this out I found myself awakening more and more to the truth that I need to surrender the fear and trust my Gift–The Holy Spirit. This entire program is for His Giver–Jesus Christ. I’m not doing this to prove anything to dad. That’s part of my past–forgiven and gone. This is all part of Jesus, His Holy Spirit and me today. We are going to do this in tremendous freedom to His Honor and Glory! AMEN!

I will never cease to be amazed by the workings of God. I have known for months now that God is wanting me to better understand His Fullness. The fact that He is Three in One I do comprehend, but He has been pursuing me so I comprehend this truth personally.

This morning in my devotional time I journaled about how much I loved the time with two of my grandsons yesterday and the time with friends during the evening. Before all of this at church, our pastor had given his message on “Blessings”-the theme for November. The message centered around Jabez’s request found in I Chronicles 4:9-10. It’s a request made in which God tenderly answered it knowing it was from the heart of man rather than from the selfishness of man. After journaling this I read in my devotional about God’s Spirit which was His Gift to us when we accept Christ Jesus into our hearts. Of course I know this, but I was overwhelmed momentarily by the intimacy of this from God to us–to me.

God’s Gift of His Holy Spirit is nothing but intimacy in action. This is the essence of my understanding the part about me “being” a child of God. I’ve spent my life “doing” what I’d hope would earn me this reward. God has been tenderly and patiently waiting for me to awaken to His Intimate Love already given and within me. The truth that I can “be” a child of God is already present because I am one already. God’s Holy Spirit is transforming me more and more into this. This is not selfish–it is the reality of awakening to the truth of God’s Holy Spirit working within me and I surrendering and obeying Him. I could never earn this by my efforts, but I can “be” this because I already “am” this child of God. Oh my word! What an awakening this is!

I love a nice quiet home in the early mornings. It simply allows me to hear and think clearly. That is today. Our home doesn’t have little ones in it unless company is here and Kathy is gone for the weekend so it is only me. I don’t want this long term, but I do enjoy the quiet of solitude.

Today in my scripture reading in Jeremiah, God is telling him to prepare himself to give rough, tough messages to the people of Jerusalem. Jeremiah 5:14 is the exact verse. Joyce Meyers writes a note regarding this message. She tells that each one of us helping others face strongholds in their lives should prepare. Ask God to help us face Satan’s attacks on us as we help others do the same. I really needed to read this after last week. I don’t want to be surprised by Satan’s attacks, I want to be prepared for them and expect them. As I write this I know that if someone were talking to me about their experiences, I’d tell them to prepare and to expect. It was a good wake up and reminder for me.

Yesterday’s morning was nothing more than one crisis following another. By noon time I was emotionally spent. There were only two issues being addressed, but both of them were so deeply troubling and involving several people I have grown to love and respect. By the time the day wrapped up everything a person could do had been done. It was now up to the individuals directly involved. I felt as though I’d done what I was led to do and I actually restrained from doing what my emotions wanted to have me say/do. It simply was a difficult day. In the afternoon I had two more meetings which took the rest of the day but in both of them, the outcome seemed Godly.

The day ended with a 2 hour practice for the Christmas program our choir is doing at church early in December. We actually have a 6 hour practice today. I enjoy singing but I am not an actor and there is much drama built into the production. This puts me on edge. I told Jesus this morning that I wasn’t sure I am doing this to honor Him or doing it because I didn’t want to tell our choir director (whom I like immensely) that I wanted to bow out of this. Anyway, there is much to memorize also.

I’m thinking my journey this morning is only about complaining! Now that all of this is written I am going to step into the day with a different attitude knowing God is already in it and I’m going to join Him. Thank you Jesus!

Today’s journey has me right smack in the middle of yesterday’s message. I thought I was on track with a couple that our pastor and I were meeting with next week. Come to find out, I was way off base with the intent of the one. I had translated meaning given to me to be restoration of a marriage. All the one had in mind was restoration of a position their spouse had. They had no intent of restoring their marriage. I had misled the one in my communicating with them. I’ve given my apology but I somehow wish I’d questioned better the original intent without assuming it.

I know God uses all things to His honor and glory when we surrender to Him, right now I just want to surrender and say I’m stepping out of this quagmire. However, God has a purpose in this for me–question more thoroughly before stepping in from assumption only.

Today is a day to be home and tie up all the loose ends as Winter is coming. The Serenity Prayer tells us to take “one day at a time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace”. I pray this present hardship will bring eventual peace for the one connected to this moment.