Don’t you hate it when the stupidity of others looks just like you? In reading this morning further into the book of Numbers, the children of Israel are griping again. The food stinks, there’s no water they like, and more. My first instinct was, “Good grief!” And then my second instinct was again, “Good grief, that sounds like me!” The flesh is never happy for long when it is in control of our lives and we respond to it as though it should be in charge.

Kathy and I are in Pigeon Forge, TN. The flights yesterday (only two) were as smooth as could be. Other than needing to wear masks for long periods of time, things went extremely well. Our place is quiet and the setting is so beautiful with the lush plant life in this part of our country. I look forward to getting deeper into these Smokey Mountains. I had no idea this was such a tourist attraction. There are hotels everywhere. We are just outside of them for which I’m very glad.

My devotional said something this morning about forgiveness which made me think through some things I hadn’t had presented in the manner they were. Forgiveness is a process it said. The better our relationship is with Jesus the more complete our forgiveness is. So often we have our wonderful experience of accepting Jesus into our hearts and we quickly want to do something great for Him in return. We quickly get disappointed too when we do things for Jesus but the same struggles return in our lives and we wonder why Jesus hasn’t taken care of them? I’m changed so why don’t these people change or these circumstances, desires, temptations change?

As my own relationship with Jesus has deepened over these past years of my personal recovery, I know immediately why “these people haven’t changed” and why “these circumstances, desires, temptations are the same”. I’m not the owner of them, someone else is. I wanted my actions to be enough to change them or that. So many times in my life I was deeply disappointed (hurt) that this truth stood solid. Jesus has taught me so much about doing my part and letting Him take care of what needs to be done in all of these other circumstances. He is my Intimate Friend and Savior and He wants to be that for others too. My prayers need to shift from “griping” to “thanking”. Jesus is always at work and I show my thanks by praying for others instead of griping about them.

The journey begins early this morning as we head to the airport. We are taking a trip to Tennessee to the Smokey Mountains and then to Oklahoma to visit our kids there. I should be staying updated daily with my blog, but just in case there’s a day missing, I may have gotten lost somewhere! (Hopefully that’s a joke)! God is so good!

Yesterday had a couple of meetings for which I had been concerned about how to step into them. As I’d had my prayer time I’d asked Jesus to take the lead. I wanted to be His servant. I had even felt nudged while I prayed to be a good listener and to only speak when I felt nudged with a response. Not only did both of those meetings go unexpectedly well, but those of us involved walked away with a much clearer understanding of our next steps. God is so Amazing!

My scripture reading this morning continues into the book of Numbers. It is here that God commanded Moses to speak to the rock so water would come forth and stop the grumbling of the Israelites. When Moses acted on God’s command, he struck the rock twice as he spoke to it. Water did come gushing forth as God said it would, but Moses had put a bit of himself into God’s command when he struck the rock as well as spoke to it. Because of this Moses was told he would not be going into the promise land. I’ve always thought God was being overly harsh with Moses, but this morning gave me a much clearer understanding.

There is no other bible character for whom God spoke to as Moses. Moses had a lot to learn about trusting God, but once God had spoken to him at the burning bush, he never walked away from God’s direction in his life. When God told Moses to speak to the rock that’s all he was to do. In the New Testament I Corinthians 10:4, Paul writes that this same rock Moses struck twice represents Christ. Moses had already struck the rock in Exodus bringing forth water from it. This time all he was to do was to speak to it. Instead he struck it twice. If we are to be surrendered servants to God’s Kingdom Work, we cannot continue to try and have ourselves seen in the work. We are Light carriers of the Light itself–Jesus Christ. Only He is to be seen.

I use to do all I did for Christ so I’d be worthy/valuable for Christ. Today God is making it clear that Christ has already made me valuable/worthy. I’m to take myself out of the equation and be a Torch Carrier for the One True King–Jesus Christ.

It was 38 years ago today that God gave me the precious gift of Kathy as my wife. There are countless times when I could tell anyone how God has used her to face fears, adjust my thinking, see His Light and hear His Voice in darkness. In addition to all of this, Kathy has shown me what love looks like. So much that I kept in denial from my childhood, I needed Kathy to let me know it was a risk worth taking to face the darkness of an abusive past. Throughout it all she has remained God’s gift. How I thank Him for her!

Saturday we leave for two weeks. The first week will just be the two of us–poor Kathy has to spend it with only me! The second week we will be with our kids in Oklahoma City. I’m looking forward to all of this. It will be the time for the “RE’s”. We will reflect, regroup, refocus, reenergize, and remain faithful to the One True God for whom we both love and give thanks to.

Today I read in Numbers 14 where the Israelites rejected the plan of God for them to enter their promised land. Instead, they listened to the obstacles which were presented to them by 10 of the 12 scouts. It didn’t matter that God had not so long before given the 10 plagues to the Egyptians, parted the Red Sea for their crossing, brought water out of a rock, and more. They heard the obstacles, feared, and acted on their fears. Now, so many thousands of years later, I can read this and wonder why they couldn’t trust? Of course I am then checked by God’s Voice within wondering why I struggle so much with trust and be gripped with fear? It seems as though we may have the message of someone else’s story, but until we live through our own life experiences that we then learn to some degree to stand up to fear and grow our trust.

This is one of those places where I want to learn to use the 3-R’s: Recognize the fear, Reject it, and then Replace it with God’s Promises. He promises in Deuteronomy 31:8, “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” I want to grow in this area for the rest of my life.

Today is one of those days I always look forward to–staying home. I do have a couple meetings during the day, but for the most part, it is home. As I was reading my devotionals and my bible–Numbers, I found the passages all speaking the message–do not let fear stand in the way of completing what God has given to do. In Numbers, Moses just sent out the 12 to scout out the new land. Caleb and Joshua were ready to tackle the immensity of what they saw, but the other 10 were scared and triggered the fear of the most. My devotional message was saying that God has gifted each of us. Will we use what God has given to us or will we make up excuses as to why we aren’t the right person to do this? Fear is usually at the root of why we resist just as it was during this time for the children of Israel.

I have always been a doer. I learned as a child to do and do well so you can possibly be accepted or given approval. I never did well what dad wanted. God has taught me and walked with me through a great deal of recovery so I no longer am haunted by the voice of disapproval. I do still have some fear which shows itself, but I’m better equipped to see it before it cripples the work or stops it completely.

The other piece to this is, which has been a struggle for me, is doing good work and deflecting any praise it may generate. “Praise led to arrogance” which dad beat into my head and body. God is tenderly taking care of this too. Arrogance is man’s term and meekness is God’s term. When we are completing the gift/s God has given us and we do it with Him, He keeps us meek for we know it is of Him we do this, rather than of us.

I’ve always prided myself in being punctual and present. I could use this as an item of value. Remembering the things to do in any given day are basically built into the person I am. But, then there was yesterday. As I began my journaling this morning it suddenly hit me that I forgot our on-line choir practice yesterday afternoon. There was absolutely no conflict with it, I just forgot it. This doesn’t often happen, but when it does it is a sure reminder that I am very human and getting old!

I’ve mentioned the 3 R’s of late: Recognize, Reject and Replace. I’ve also written about my recent struggle replacing the sense of unworthiness with what my prayer warrior prayed for me: self-love, self-appreciation and self-confidence. The voices which have been in my head condemning me are mostly gone. However, I find myself wondering what self-love actually feels like? When I do something like forgetting yesterday’s practice I want to beat myself up royally. There is no value in forgetfulness. Yet, if this were someone else I’d simply laugh at their humanness. I write this and realize maybe this is what I’m to do with my own humanness?

God is forever reshaping us into His image. I know He is not forgetful so this doesn’t reflect anything about Him. It is a small thing however, so I think I’ll let it go now as one small thing realizing my value is not being questioned.

Today is step study day following the first service at church. We will today step into the first lesson that is new to all of the attendees. We have caught up with the work done last spring and now we are a team ready to embark on the overcoming work of our Holy Spirit within. It is lesson 5–Turn. For a first-time attendee, the lesson focuses on turning your life over to the care and will of God. Accepting Christ into your life if you haven’t done so. For someone like me who has done about 10 step studies, the lesson takes on a whole new meaning, yet the questions are the same.

The very first question is: What is stopping you from asking Jesus Christ into your heart as Lord and Savior? Savior–yes. Lord, well, this is a daily event which will never change until death. Every day I have found that I must decide if I am going to be the one deciding for me or if I am going to surrender me so Jesus can be Lord. What I’ve found in the past several months are so many beliefs Jesus has wanted me to confront with Him and put to death. The three R’s I’ve recently blogged about: Recognize, Reject, Replace come into play here. Jesus has wanted me to do the three of these with each area he exposes. The most current one is what I wrote about yesterday. The degree for which Satan’s demons can influence us unless we dispel them in Jesus’ Name.

The new life which we gain from accepting Christ into our lives is the most precious gift. The prayer which ends this lesson on Turn has a part which I need to daily remember: “…Please continue to help me overcome my hurts, hand-ups, and habits and may that victory over them help others as they see Your power at work in changing my life. Help me to do Your will always. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen!”

As I was reading last evening in the book for which I’m doing the book study, I found myself questioning the idea that spirits can be “that real”. How can they influence so much of our own life and the lives of those around us? I’ve run up against this same message before in other books I’ve read. In times past I’ve taken the things I thought were relevant and dismissed much of the intensity of this message as just someone’s ideas–but they are a little overboard.

This morning as I began to journal I asked Jesus what I was to do with this message? I started to doubt its intensity as the author was bringing out in the book and I was expressing my doubts to Jesus. Instantly I heard the message in my mind reminding me how I came about this book study. My prayer warrior had been led by God to suggest I do it with my friend. The message wasn’t to go through it so I could dismiss what I wanted and keep what I liked. Instead, I know Jesus was telling me I needed to stop and address what I doubted and question why I doubt it. Does the bible support the work of evil spirits? Good grief, the bible is filled with this. Man is not just flesh, but spirit and flesh. God IS SPIRIT. We are created in His Image. I’ve just squelched the spirit within me. As my dad use to say, “I’ve got to kill that spirit within you.” I doubt he really meant what that message portrayed.

If I’m going to be a child of God, surrendered fully to Him, be a messenger of His Word and a warrior of HIs for others, I need to know all that this entails. I want to question for the sake of understanding God’s message rather than question for the sake of dismissing it.

I always feel reflective and appreciative the morning following Celebrate Recovery evenings. Each and every week there is visible evidence of how God is working in the lives of those around us. The process used in the program allows time for us to reflect on our week so we can personally see how God is working in us when we may miss it at the time. Looking back always is clearer. Listening to others tell their personal journeys makes my heart joyful.

Last night we had a testimony from one of our women. In man’s eyes one would wonder just how she has made it? However, hearing her story, one sees God’s handiwork artfully creating a beautiful story which He is using to help others know their own past and present doesn’t need to determine their future–surrendering themselves to God allows Him to create their own beautiful story just as we heard last night. What an amazing God we get to serve!