Happy Father’s Day! There is something that keeps coming to me each morning as I have my devotions which I haven’t spoken/written. A tremendous hurdle victims of abuse face is trusting God. I’ve skirted around the topic numerous times and talked about hating God, etc. But, in reality, the topic of trusting God is huge. I’ve always known God is eternal and that when I get to heaven with Him, I will be too. That much has never been a struggle for me. It is this earthly life and the fact that God gave man such freedom to choose that makes many abused victims question trust in this God of ours.

As our men get deeper into the curriculum of our Mending the Soul class, this topic of trust becomes more verbally spoken. I recall when I went through my divorce in 1979 a saintly lady in our church wrote me the kindest letter. She said that God must love me dearly to allow me to hurt the way I had been hurt. At the time I thought that was such a bizarre statement. Yet, I hung onto it because the lady who wrote it was one I respected greatly. Today, I realize what she meant.

When I hear the men say the things I use to say I want God to take care of those scars/deep wounds right now so they don’t need to hurt and believe such lies. However, I’ve learned to trust God’s healing process and to not question it. God doesn’t “fix” as I would try to do, He HEALS. And, with the healing He provides deep understanding as to His reason for giving man such freedom to choose. If God didn’t give full choice to man, man would turn around and say, “Well, that God of ours just manipulated me into ‘loving him'”. God didn’t manipulate me into any of this truth. He has patiently led me to it over many, many years. Today, I choose to BELIEVE & TRUST!

Almost 7 months ago my sis just older than me had a stroke which left her unable to continue to work and has completely changed her life. She has two sons who live close enough to her that they have stepped in and become her right-hand men. The older one has been there with her each and every day since she was able to move back home. Her home has sold and today she moves into a senior apartment. There is 6 months of details I could add to this but truth be known, each one of us is a human with a fragile life which we cannot determine its outcome. Yes, we can certainly determine much of what we do during this lifetime, but the deterioration of our flesh is not in our control. I love this sis of mine. She has been my cheerleader throughout my life. We talk several times a week and now it is my turn to cheer her on. She is only two years older than me so we have fully lived through one another’s lives and the events of them.

I thank God for Bonnie and I thank God for her sons–especially her older one who could manipulate his own schedule to be his mom’s number one caretaker. The beautiful part of this too is that his wife and daughter have been right along side of him throughout these past seven months giving all the support possible and never complaining about the sacrifices needing to be made. This is all a testament of a Godly family unit. Boy, do I thank God for it!

Well, anyone present to hear the testimony last night at Celebrate Recovery would say, “Wow, that young man is a genuine example of God’s handiwork!” It was one of the finest, if not the finest testimony I’ve ever witnessed. It is never easy to sit in the share group following the testimony and listen to the ways God used your story to give insights to another. At least it is never easy for me. This young man said he wanted to leave so he didn’t have to witness this part, yet it is a real confirmation of God doing the work and man being obedient to His leadership and to The Holy Spirit’s nudges. This young man has an entire life ahead of him. I look forward to watching how God continues to develop him and use him.

Our God is AMAZING and we get to take part with Him as we surrender and obey.

Yesterday turned out to be one with great learning. I went to see my prayer warrior. It was to be an hour but turned into two. She is such a Godly woman with tremendous insights from God’s Word. She helps clarify so much for me. She reminded me that praise is to always start our prayers to God. Praise shows trust/faith, even if it is only the faith of a mustard seed. God inhabits our praise. I needed that reminder. I always start my journaling with notes of praise but by the time I begin my prayer time I forget this key and I go right into needs–not today. I’ve put my praise reminder at the top of my prayer list now and it is in red.

Today one of our young men will be giving his testimony for Celebrate Recovery. He is coming so far in his walk and development of Godly wisdom. I really look forward to not only hearing it tonight, but to also see how God will use the message to touch others’ lives. I sent him a message this morning encouraging him as I know he will be nervous and will already be. It is a joy to be part of one’s journey and get to witness the continuous healing and growing God does in one’s life. Then, to witness the one giving back to God by sharing the journey’s steps for the sake of someone else’s needs. Our GOD is so GOOD!

This morning’s devotional time has brought about some clarity I asked Jesus about when I first started to journal. I asked Jesus when I would finally quit having to deal with the lies of my abuse? Lies such as: one cannot ever overcome, one cannot ever be Christ-like, you’re just a sinner so get use to it, pornography will always haunt you because you’re just one of them. These thoughts not only haunt me but they are the ones I hear when our men come together in class. They are also ones the men at Celebrate Recovery often say.

In my devotional reading Charles Spurgeon says it is a sin to question (disbelieve) the promises of God that He gives us in scripture. His exact words are, “Banish any unbelieving fears, for they bring great dishonor to God….” As I continued my scripture reading in Ezekiel I read more about what God was telling him regarding the punishment the Jews were experiencing due to turning their backs to God’s leadership and following their own desires. In Ezekiel 22:30 it says, “And I sought a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the gap for Me….” Joyce Meyers writes. “God is looking for people today who will ‘stand in the gap’ for others just as He was in Ezekiel’s time.”

My questions to God this morning were answered in a very meaningful way. First, banish my unbelieving fears and stand in the gap prayerfully for others who struggle with their own unbelieving fears. Joyce concludes her writing by saying, “Then you will be a blessing to them, and you will make much faster progress toward the fulfillment of your destiny.” Second, it is very important that I stay honest with my struggles telling the ones I trust so they can stand in the gap for me. Lastly, it is also equally important that I ask what the struggles are for others so I may stand in the gap for them. This is James 5:16 in action, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Summer is only 5 days away and with it my trips to school districts is ending for the year. I go to one at noon today and I believe that will be the last for a few weeks. It is nice to have the time to just be home and take care of yard and garden. There are some random workshops in the summer, but they will primarily be ones done at home. That’s nice!

Last night Kathy and I were able to connect with friends who live about 25 miles away. We hadn’t been together since the pandemic started. It was so good to spend the evening with them and get caught up on one another’s lives as well as our families. He is a pastor and was the first man I ever told about my past. At the time they lived 400 miles away so I felt safe in telling him. If he shunned me it wouldn’t matter. I only saw them once a year anyway. He didn’t know any of “my friends in Idaho”. Instead, he gave me a couple of books to read which helped frame some lies I’d thought were truths about myself. I was in my earlier 30’s at this time. A few years later I entered into the first counseling I began having.

As I reflect momentarily on this I’m reminded just how far God has brought me from that first night of sharing. Wow, our God is so GOOD!

I have mentioned several times in the past few days about the lesson a week ago with Mending the Soul. We ended the lesson on the topic of sexual abuse as the 6th category of abuse the class addresses. Yesterday we were to take the time to talk about what God’s Spirit had opened our eyes to as we stayed awake to our own past during the week. I suppose I should not be surprised that I was the only one in class that had something to say. These men are starting their journey of addressing this topic. There are so many beliefs they still have about themselves which God is only starting to awaken as lies. The idea these lies will be replaced in a week is my own self-deception. They need time to work through all of the ugliness which I’ve needed to do in the past few years. I’d like to believe others won’t have to deal with their pasts like I’ve had too, they can skip that painful part. Yet, God is reminding me over and over that this is part of healing.

I always wanted God to remove the memories as though they never happened. Instead, God uses the memories I’ve needed to face to help others do the same. So, God’s help for me last week is another example of Him helping me face what I hadn’t wanted to face so others can be encouraged to do the same. Sexual abuse is an awful sin leaving painful wounds, many false beliefs and destructive behaviors. Yet, God continues to heal these as we allow ourselves to trust Him with them one at a time. God is truly a patient healer!

Today’s journey has several opportunities to proclaim the Glory of God. It starts in a couple of hours when our quartet leads worship for our church. We end the time of worship with a song which I’ve grown to greatly appreciate–“He Didn’t Throw the Clay Away”. It is a true testament of God’s working on my life as well as any other, particularly those who have felt their life had no value.

Our Mending the Soul class will come together the second hour and address the last area of abuse–sexual abuse. Last week this topic silenced the men. As I’ve journaled and taken notes through the week I’ve found that this one area has been the most deeply rooted in my value/belief system. It is also the one Satan has a hay day with. However, it has been so good to lay this out on the table so God could squarely speak to me through His Word and His Spirit. I pray that each of the men will find this truth this morning as we meet.

If there is one thing God has always wanted me (you and me) to know, it is the fact that there is no sin we commit or no sin committed against us too big for God’s forgiveness and grace. He never throws the clay of life away. He continues to mold and make us into His image as we let go of the false beliefs we’ve clung to. How amazing our God is !

There are times when I need to stop and take in what is beautiful around me. This morning is one of them. The beauty of God’s landscape when the sun is first rising is glorious. As I look closer I see the June flowers in the beds outside my den window along with the birds feeding off of them. The silence is golden as I take this all in. God is so GOOD to nurture our souls with the beauty He provides.

Last night’s lesson for Celebrate Recovery was CROSSROADS. It is the lesson where we take what we have been taught to do and see if we are going to make it a habit. Examples of this are: examining our day to see if there were any wrongs in it which need to be admitted and ask amends for; are we now daily in God’s word and journaling, etc. Are the old habits being addressed and replaced with new, healthy ones? The crossroads lesson reminds us that the insights from previous lessons are to become new habits or else we fall victim to relapsing.

As I listened to the lesson I was challenged to apply it to my Mending the Soul purpose for the week–staying awake to what sexual abuse has done and responding to what God wants to tell/show me. What has become extremely clear to me is that I felt the sexual abuse robbed all personal value from me. I had to create value for me from what I do. The self-love, self-appreciation and self-confidence needed to be fed by the success of doing. This has always been my singing, my educational profession and my gardening. My personal characteristics were what attracted men to want me for sex so I had to replace them–I thought. How could one love oneself when he attracted abuse to himself?

All of this has been laid before me these past few days and I give them to God my Healer. He has allowed me to recognize them, rebuke them and to now replace them. All of these teachings are coming together to restore and awaken the new creation God has wanted me to know. I look forward to this coming Sunday’s class so we can share our findings with one another. Our God is AMAZING!