It may be April Fool’s Day but I don’t intend to write anything that will be an April Fool’s type message. Yesterday I exposed a part of me I have never liked–that selfish need to feel worthwhile and meaningful as man would define. You know, I’ve sought this all my life but I’ve also buried the feelings because they reminded me of my dad who was a very egotistical, emotional man. I never wanted to be self-centered as I saw him to be. Yesterday I mentioned the brilliant thinking from Graham Cook. God showed me His brilliance for a moment yesterday in a human way. Not only did a few of you send affirmation but I also happened to find out that I can see how many log into the message each day. I hadn’t given any of this a thought when I started this, but my selfishness began to creep in–my ego needed to be stroked I guess. Anyway, God used this incident to awaken me to Him and His Ways. For a moment I could see that my vulnerability is indeed His tool when used for His glory. I don’t want to lessen it to becoming a human reward only. The purpose is of eternal value and meaning. I commit to continuing this until God removes the nudge to do so.
So I’m learning about my new nature in Christ. This new nature is the actual presence of The Holy Spirit within me replacing my old nature. I just tear up writing this as it is so humbling to know this is true for me. The tarnished vessel I was in my eyes overshadowed any value I could be for the Holy Spirit. The ugliness of the sexual abuse and the resulting, ongoing thoughts I’d have left me “knowing” I was of no value unless I did valuable things for God. God is now wanting this thinking GONE. It is not brilliant thinking. Being in education all my life, I’ve experienced countless times the aha moments when a learner gets it. Their face brightens, the eyebrows go up and their verbal response is something like: “YES!” That’s the way I feel about yesterday’s lesson. I get it! In my new nature I do all things for the glory of my God. I will never know that confirmation of “YES” if I try to do this just for me.
Thanks everyone for being part of God’s lesson for me yesterday.
Yesterday I wrote that I’d been listening to Graham Cook’s CDs regarding “Brilliant Thinking”. The brilliant is reflecting God’s thinking which The Holy Spirit helps us do once we’ve given our life to Jesus. So, I’m going to get personal here. In my heart I’ve always wanted my life to be a reflection of Christ and for Christ. However, Earnie wants that to be recognized once in a while by man so his ego can feel good about “being a reflection for Christ.” I have been really challenged the last couple days by this and here’s why. In starting this blog I thought I was taking a “next big step” in doing what God is placing on my heart to do. I’d written my autobiography and finally, 8 months later, I started this blog site to continue to write about what God is teaching me regarding the topic of being an “heir” to Him.
In the first two weeks of the blog there were a few who made comments and a few who began to follow it. That stroked the ego. In the last few days there haven’t been any comments or new followers so I began to question whether I should even be spending time with this. There isn’t anyway to know if someone simply reads it. What was sad for me is seeing myself as the selfish man I am when my eyes are on the “outcome of my work through man’s recognition” rather than through sheer obedience of God’s nudging. My eyes had shifted to man rather than being kept on God and His purposes for my time.
There is a freshness in spirit knowing I’m doing something for Christ and out of sheet obedience to Him. However, it sure is easy to let my old self creep in. I want to be better at recognizing this in my days ahead. So, not for selfish reasons stroking my ego, but for true learning about being obedient of Christ, I’d like to hear from anyone who is willing to share their own experiences along this line. Thanks and God bless!
Yesterday I left home to work today in Leadore, Idaho. It is a tiny town of 105 people in the mountains of Eastern Idaho. On the way I listened to a CD from the evangelist I like so well–Graham Cook. The topic was relationships–the relationship between myself and God. Graham Cook points out that the new nature given to us when we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior replaces our old sin nature. I’ve not heard this explained the way he does. The key for me is that the old nature is now gone. However, the habits of sinfulness will still be present if we allow them to come into the new nature. Scripture in the New Testament is filled with guidance about living in the new nature, but I’ve always applied it to the old nature rather than learning my new one. I don’t know if this is awakening for you, but if so, I’d sure like to hear from anyone about how they are doing at living in the new nature. There is much for all of us to learn here.
I was actually going to skip this blog today, but I couldn’t get this topic off my mind so I’m planting the seed for responses. Let me know your thoughts and what you’ve been learning here.
This is the day that the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms. 118:24 NKJV. Yesterday I wrote about self-control and my focus on self being the power of the control. I stated I wanted to learn Christ’s reason for making self-control one of the fruits of the Spirit. In doing this I’m learning that the power of self-control comes from my human surrender for the real power is not a human kind of power. The power to surrender is the only power I need to exert. I had a chance to do this twice yesterday. I was in Boise in the morning having the oil changed on my car. As I left I was prompted to go to the Christian Book Store and leave a copy of my book. Any other day I would have bypassed this thought as something too intimidating to do. However, having had my wake up yesterday morning about surrender, I stopped by and talked with a sales person who then talked with the manager. The manager couldn’t see me at the time but wanted my information and a copy of the book. So, I did it. Later in the day I was getting filled with anxiety and temptation so I texted my accountability and within a minute he responded and all was better. Two simple surrenders allowing God to have His way in my life. Well, I am learning.
This morning I awoke filled with anxiety again. I got up and started my devotions. My Bible reading was the book of James. I love his honest, direct approach to living the life Christ intended for us. To put faith into action is a driver along with knowing and using wisdom. I love the fact that God tells me to take one day at a time and live only in the present day. I need to be reminded of this frequently. I also need to have “the worry” I often carry hidden inside me be my reminder to shift my thinking into living in the present. This morning I was able to do this.
One speaker I enjoy listening to says we are in for an upgrade when we find ourselves up against obstacles that seem insurmountable. So, this morning I thanked Jesus for the ability to give my anxiety to Him and for the upgrade in store which I know nothing about at this point. I’m simply going to trust Him this day while I rejoice and be glad in it as I’m told to do in the Psalms quoted above.
I’m perplexed this morning as I begin to write this. I got up feeling very weighed down. During my devotions I was reminded that it is not what we know that makes the difference in our lives, it is what we do with what we know. Christ has given us a new creation as we accept Him as Savior and Lord. It was obvious to me that I was needing to pay attention to the fruits of the Spirit with self-control being the one standing out. In my Bible reading this was stated and in two devotionals it was the focus. However, my whole life has been with the emphasis of self-control on the first word–self. I was to control my self so I lived rightly for Jesus. I’m new in this learning about self-control being centered on surrender to the battle being won by Jesus Christ’s work on the cross.
My response to self-control is not trying to take on the battle, but to remind Satan of His loss to Christ and, if I still struggle, call my accountability team. I made a commitment to Christ this morning to do this. I contact twice daily my accountability but it’s at set times. I’m not changing that but I’m simply adding that if the battle seems to rage within, as Satan often tries to do, I will then contact in obedience to the scripture. James 4:10 says to: “Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up.” Man is so egotistical that in this case of scripture, humble means surrendering to call in the team rather than trying to fight alone. Humble is the right word because I do need to humble my pride to do this. Humble is a new kind of strength I want to learn and learn well.
If you are interested in joining me in this new strength–Humility–I’d like to hear about it.
HE IS RISEN! YES, HE IS RISEN INDEED!
This glorious truth becomes real for us if we accept the gift Christ offers with it. This truth is simple too. We accept Him as our Risen Lord and Savior. He fought the battle. We quit fighting and we surrender to His fight and accept His victory as ours (as mine). I am constantly reminded that the “new Earnie” is not from what I’ve done, but what I’ve accepted as the gift of Christ’s redeeming love. The other gift with this newness of life is the Gift of The Holy Spirit. This is the Spirit Christ anoints us with when we accept Him as Lord along with His being our Savior. I know all of this so well. I struggle to live as though I do from day to day.
Today is a glorious day. Let us rejoice and be glad in it! Have a wonderful Easter everyone!
As I write this blog title this morning, I am prompted to clarify something. I don’t want anyone to think that “the journey continues” because Christ’s work isn’t yet done. The reason the journey to freedom is not complete for me is my humanness. I Corinthians says I see through the glass darkly, and then I will see face to face. The “then” is being in heaven. So as long as I am in this human frame, I shall continue to grow in my fullness of Christ’s work for me.
Easter is amazing. I told Kathy, my wife, last night after coming home from the Good Friday service at our church, that I do not like Good Friday services. They are DARK. I know they are planned that way because of the darkness Christ faced as He was nailed to the cross for me–for each of us. I’ve lived in so much darkness of soul so much of my life, the service haunts me. The good part however, is that I know the outcome. The disciples were told to anticipate, yet their belief at that time was shallow as mine has been about Christ’s work for me while I was still in the throws of my living in the secret of my past. The outcome of tomorrow is Christ’s brilliant light shining forth. I want to be a carrier of this LIGHT for Christ. God bless you as we all anticipate the Glorious Resurrection of tomorrow.
I have to apologize for missing yesterday’s entry. I came to McCall, Idaho to join Kathy and when I went to do the entry yesterday, I didn’t have the password for using the wireless where we are staying. I didn’t want to wake Kathy to find out what it was and so it just didn’t get done. I was in the midst of some struggles/confusion yesterday anyway and God provided a way through them I’ll tell you about.
I came to McCall to close on a house Kathy and I are selling here. We bought it about 14 years ago thinking we would use it as a vacation home. Well, in truth, over the years we’ve found that lots of friends and a few relatives have used it as such, but it just doesn’t fit well for us. I brought a friend and his wife with me as I needed a 2nd driver when I returned home today. I am taking a small U-Haul truck back and I needed someone to drive my car as Kathy already had a vehicle here since she came a few days ahead of me. This friend is the one I mention in my book who is my long-time college friend I sing with and he has been my confidant. After we loaded the truck yesterday afternoon I began to talk with him about my struggle learning to live as a “new creation”. I asked things like, “Does a new creation have temptations resembling the old man I’ve always been and if so, how does a new creation handle them as a new creation rather than as an old man? Thus began a great dialogue processing through this. Over the next hour or so he helped me see that the promises of the New Testament are delivered through the new creation I am. It is simply an emotional, mental block to think I have to handle any temptation as the old man. It is going back to handling the temptations as I always did when I went to my cave or into secret. Our conversation also made “self-control” sensible as we talked. I have always looked at self-control as something I did with my own strength in handling any situation. The new creation uses self-control to fulfill what scripture says to do. An example is in the book of James when we are told to confess to someone we trust so that the prayers of a righteous man can be powerful and effective. Rather than handling the temptation on my own (old man style), I call someone I trust to confess it in obedience to scripture and as a new creation’s response to self-control.
So, I’m now ready to take a step into today as a new creation handling any temptation that might come my way. I’d love to hear any reader’s response to this.
Today has always been a special day to me–it is my sis Bonnie’s birthday. She is the sibling just older than me and we were soulmates as we grew up. Happy birthday Bonnie!
I am co-leading a Celebrate Recovery Step Study on Tuesday nights. Our lesson last night was preparing everyone for the upcoming inventory. The process of doing the inventory is often what causes many participants to quit. The reality of doing it surfaces the rawness of whatever brought you to Celebrate Recovery in the first place. There is a very intentional path one walks in order to complete this. The results of doing the inventory should be cleansing for the one doing it. It allows them to safely share all the hurts, hand-ups and habits that have keep them in secret. I’ve done it 8 times now so this shouldn’t be anything new. However, last night I had an epiphany. The reality for me has never been freeing to do the inventory. Instead, it is a burden I feel I must bear as I once again bare my soul. Only last night did I start to understand why this has been so.
Everyone knows I’ve written my autobiography and I’m doing this blog. I’ve done this to support and encourage others to face their own demons of the past. I actually enjoy this in spite of the initial “yikes” I feel on the onset. Doing one’s testimony is the giving back to Celebrate Recovery which comes when you finish the step study. As I said, I get pleasure from this. So, last night for the first time I understood why I would find pleasure in doing the testimony parts: giving my testimony at Celebrate Recovery’s or events, writing my book, doing this blog, etc., because this I do for the sake of others. When one does the inventory it is done so you can help yourself. You have to come clean to yourself and to the one you trust–your sponsor. Deep inside me is a sense of “worthlessness” that the inventory brings out. I feel selfish when I do it and the reasons are for someone unworthy of the cleansing it is to provide. I got really uncomfortable as this truth came out for me last night, but this time I was able to face it as the lie it is. In my devotions this morning I was able to give this lie to Jesus thanking Him for the work He’s done in my life. I for the first time have a new found eagerness to do my inventory this go round. I love to hear someone say they have found their worthiness from their participating in Celebrate Recovery. Well, Praise the Lord, I am finding mine!
I spent a couple hours yesterday with a man who wanted to meet for coffee and talk through some things related to his past being similar to my own. He’d read my book and there were many parallels. As we talked I found it to be very true. Another truth came out of the meeting that was most unexpected and one for which I was most thankful. I’ve mentioned the new man God has created in me, and for each of us as we give our lives to Him, replacing the old man. I’ve also mentioned how I’m learning that I’ve lived all of my life thinking I was remaking this old man into a new one rather than replacing the old man with the new one. Last week, starting this blog site, I hadn’t realized until yesterday how much I’d let that old man Earnie take over again. I was fearful all week, I had temptations to fight that I hadn’t experienced for weeks and months and it wasn’t until yesterday’s talk that the reality of what I had done hit me. I was living in the fears all week that I had kept secret all my life. Here I was writing a blog that anyone could access if they wanted because I knew God was prompting me to do this, but I was doing this out of fear rather than out of joy and obedience.
It is an odd moment as I write this, but I feel free this morning. I can’t explain it any other way. The reality of who God is and what He wants us to know about Him and His Team: Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit are remarkable! Learning to surrender totally to Him is an ongoing process and one I don’t want to quit until the day I arrive to my eternal home.