This morning I was reflecting on my years in education–50 years total. I have to confess that during this entire time, even though I loved these years, I yearned to be more effective in helping others see Jesus in what they were learning and doing. On a personal level, I would talk to someone or someones if it were a small group, and bring Jesus into the picture. The effectiveness of this would then be left with them. I would tell myself that this is as close to helping others as God wants me. Others need to help the ones who truly struggle with living life. I couldn’t do this because I had my own huge struggles within.
In the past 6 months of focusing entirely on this counseling program, I have seen so much effectiveness–Christ’s work in one’s life. It is so amazing to see someone walk into a room in their first visit with an expression of hopelessness and a few weeks/months later, walk into the room vibrant and hopeful. Seeing the light of learning click on for children is a glorious experience in education–I always loved this. But, the LIGHT of JESUS clicking on in someone’s life struggle is nothing but a miracle of LOVE & GRACE provided by God Himself. I am so grateful I get to spend my years now witnessing this.
I’ve said for many years that Spring comes for me on March 1. This year is no different, however, it welcomed me with about 7-8 inches of new snow! School is cancelled in our area today–this I saw. However, it wasn’t until the light of day began to appear that I could see how important it was to cancel. We haven’t had a snowfall like this all winter. Well, the groundhog wasn’t kidding when he said winter was staying. No matter, it has snowed in Spring before and it will likely do it again. My heart is welcoming Spring anyway–I just won’t rototill quite yet!.
One of the things God has been teaching me is to see Jesus as my barometer for living. Much of my life I used my father and brother as this measuring stick. If I were a better person than they, I could be a “good man”. Seeing Jesus as my measuring stick for living has opened my eyes to all of mankind. Everyone struggles with their sin nature–I’m not unique in this. The counseling program has truly reinforced this truth. I had a couple who are 85 & 86 come yesterday to deal with their anger. As we got into the session, we focused on communication between them which was feeding the anger.
Yesterday I confessed about my struggling sin nature. Today I recognize once again that I am simply human. It seems silly but I do need to give myself permission to be human. I know this all ties back to never “being like my dad or brother”. Instead, I will focus on being righteous through the blood of Jesus. God sees me through this lens and I will too (or keep trying to). God is never done remaking us–thank goodness!
My devotional had a short paragraph that I had to reread a few times. It has a message I don’t like, but it will always be true. It says, “I exult in Your righteousness by reveling in the wondrous truth that You gave this priceless, holy gift to me! Your perfect righteousness is already credited to my account–even though I continue to battle sin in my life.”
I lived with so much “sin in my life” while growing up, I wanted to reach the point as an adult where this would no longer be my story. It has been hard for me to admit that I battle sin daily, yet it is true. I know that we all do. The one huge blessing about this truth while we live in our flesh, is that I can fully relate to those who come for counsel. I can easily relate to their guilt and shame. What I can do too is share the loving grace of God that is credited to our account when we accept Christ as our Savior and Lord. I stand righteous before God because God sees me through the righteousness of His Son Jesus!
There is nothing like a prayer warrior in one’s life! Yesterday, early afternoon, I met with my prayer warrior, Lois. She had done a little homework for me putting scriptures to a list of what’s called “thinking errors”–a document we use in counseling. However, the time turned into something I wasn’t expecting. As I sat down for us to talk, she said she wanted to tell me something. She said that most of us wait until someone dies to tell just how much they meant to us. Well, she wanted to tell me right then how much I meant to her and to God. I could hardly hear the message I got so choked up. Several months ago Lois had told me I was like a second son to her. I confirmed to her that she was like a second mom to me. As she concluded her compliments and I was able to speak, I told her that I’d longed for a message like this from my mom. I so wanted to know I met her approval. However, that had never happened. However, for reasons only God knows, He had Lois give me the message yesterday.
The motivation to serve God as a young man was mostly about receiving His approval. Little did I know then about His Love for me. Today my motivation to serve God comes from a depth of gratitude for God being so loving, so forgiving, so compassionate. There are so many in our world that do not know God and certainly do not know these generous characteristics of Him. I want to do my part in passing them along just as Lois did for me yesterday.
There is a young man I meet on Saturday mornings for the purpose of counseling. He is one who knows a good deal about the bible and its content, but asking Jesus into your life isn’t part of it. In fact, he isn’t sure who Jesus is other than a good and wise man that the New Testament talks about. The young man isn’t Jewish but was raised to believe the traditions of the Old Testament.
I have challenged this young man to ponder this “man Jesus” and see what he thinks keeping his mind open. Yesterday in our session I had a list of scriptures which support the topic of “self-esteem”. The topic ought to better read, “God supported self-esteem”. The first 5 verses were from the Old Testament and the remaining 3 verses were from the New Testament. We went over each verse for their application to this man’s life since we started the counseling last September. He has made remarkable progress and I wanted him to see how much of this has come from the promises of scripture–Old and New.
Our flesh along with Satan’s deception wants us believing we make improvement from our own strength alone. We can do this for a period of time, but almost always we fall back into the old patterns or habits/beliefs. The changes we make from God’s promises to us are eternal and the effects impact the lives of those around us showing them what God will do for them just as He has done for us. God is working in this young man’s life and the One’s Name Who is working–Jesus Christ! The Light of Jesus penetrates all darkness!
Last night Kathy and I went to see Jesus Revolution–movie. If this isn’t on your list of good things to do in the near future, put it there. It is time and money well spent. If you are from my generation of the hippie movement, you will enjoy it even more. It is inspiring to take a look at something I well remember and see what God has done with it 50 years later. Wow!
It is insightful to read someone else’s insights in order to better see and understand what I am attempting. I am using a devotional this year given to me by my prayer warrior. Today’s message was about deepening our intimacy with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. It is not only about spending time with them each and every day, but it is allowing the time, and taking enough time, to go deeply into our day, our motives, our desires or lack thereof, our spiritual walk, etc. Along with all of this, it is hugely about obedience to what God asks of us. The more we begin to respond to God’s nudges (all of them) the greater intimacy grows. We learn to trust God much more completely when we obey and find that in obedience there is love, support and peace.
Coming to God with the needs of the day is important, but staying with God until we are in union with Him is an outcome I’m now becoming much more awakened to.
I awoke earlier than usual this morning and the word to describe my thinking would be overwhelmed. I got up and brought my cup of coffee and myself to God. As I began to journal to God about what is behind the overwhelmed feeling God reminded me that He is my major resource of counsel. A major reason for the sense of overwhelmed was the number of clients I’m now seeing and just yesterday I received 3 more intake requests. It is one thing to meet with the clients, its another thing to prepare properly for each session. God simply reminded me that He is my provider for each session. The materials I feel I need to prepare are good, but they are not the Light which brings the connection of healing to the issues one is dealing with. I sure don’t want to lose sight of this truth.
OK, now I’m ready to step into today! God is always the answer!
When I wrote yesterday’s entry, it was personal–just for me. However, as I entered into the counseling sessions for the day I had two clients open up to me that they are struggling with pornography. One is a new client and the other one has been coming for about 6 weeks. This struggle has been my own for several years. Even though I’ve gone through curriculum man has been inspired by God to write, I have not found the release from its tormenting temptations. However, yesterday was different. It seems as though God is ready (or I am ready to hear God differently) to help me walk the high road with this area of struggle and find a freedom from it I’ve not yet known.
The young man who has been coming for a few weeks said he has never talked to anyone about this need. He is so ashamed that he struggles with it. He sure isn’t alone there. God has a freedom most haven’t yet found, I’m believing. White knuckling this issue isn’t freedom. The research of man has shown that porn use has the same impact on our brain that drug use does. However, scripture says God will renew our minds: Romans 12:2. God heals. This is what I am finding and I want others to know and find this freedom in surrendering to God and learning how to depend on Him in this time of struggle.
Do you have a closet that needs to be cleaned out? I have had one most of my life. The closet was built in my early childhood years from the abuse of my gay brother’s use of me coupled with my dad’s verbal abuse reinforcing the belief that I would be a “good wife” for someone someday. The walls of the closet grew thicker during college years and my adult years when I was approached by a men more than once. There is much I could add to this, but I believe the reader can get my point. Over time, the contents of the closet went from hiding what had happened to me to include the thoughts of myself acting out in gay fashion. Later in my adult years pornography enter the closet. I opened up about this torment writing about it in my autobiography and including it in my testimony for Celebrate Recovery. Counselors told me I would likely have to live with this due to the depth of the roots in my flesh.
Today, in my journaling, I wrote that I’d sure like to have this closet cleansed by the healing Light of Jesus and His Work on the Cross coupled with His Resurrection conquering sin and death. I know these thoughts are not my truth, but they do torment me. As I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today, He said, I am ready to start the thorough cleansing. Stay with Me as I do so. You will be delighted.”
I have given this torment to Jesus countless times, yet today, there is a warmth to His Words. I trust Him. His outcomes are always surprising and I rest in His assurance.
God’s timing is always perfect and yesterday was another example of this. The meeting I referenced in yesterday’s entry was a genuine answer to prayer. It didn’t just take care of the problem, it even identified some root causes for the problem’s existence which also was addressed. I love how God works!
The older I get the more I see my sinfulness and my inability to do anything about it except surrender it. One of the ugliest natures of sin is self-reliance–I can do this. Well, no I can’t. Fighting sin on our own only leads to more sin until we are trapped within it. I see this and hear it in our Celebrate Recovery sessions as well as in the counseling ones. I also recognize this tendency within myself. For so much of my life I tried to keep all of my past a secret and sheltered from the community. I had my own reasons (fears) for doing this. Keeping secrets led to other issues like pornography and lying. Then pride keeps us from wanting to open up about it, etc. Then, when one finally does surrender, the LIGHT brilliantly shines through. One wonders why he kept this so long within himself?
Choosing to face sin with confession (surrender) is humbling, but so rewarding. How I encourage ones to see this and take the risk of telling/confessing/surrendering. The benefits are so eternally rewarding and others are then also help.
Earnie Lewis 