Today is another day to give thanksgiving and praise to God my Father.  This morning another lady and I will sing a duet with our church choir in the background.  The song is Be Strong and Take Courage.  It comes straight from Joshua 1:9.  Up until the last 15 years or so special music each Sunday morning was expected.  I would often be part of it in our church.  As the trend of worship shifted in churches today I’ve missed somewhat this practice, but mostly I’ve been grateful I didn’t need to try and be good enough to deliver God’s message through song.  I could enjoy church without the need to be good enough.  I write this today because God has done a miracle inside of me.  I know that within myself I am not good enough to ever deliver a message for God, but now that I am convinced this God I serve is within me, I am honored and privileged to deliver this song in Praise and Thanksgiving.

When Joshua took the children of Israel across the Jordan River to conquer Jericho, the river was at flood stage.  However, when the army choir stepped into the river while singing, the water parted.  Today, as worship begins, the water will part and those who doubt, those who hurt, those who praise, those who simply don’t know will all know the Presence of the One True God.  My privilege is to get to be part of the army choir singing God’s praise and experiencing the water parting.  How great our God is!

When my sis in law and I got to the hospital yesterday my brother was like a new man.  He chatted continuously for 1.5 hours.  Much of it was centered around how God has been talking to him.  So much of his own trauma with our childhood has been placed in order by God and Herb is able to honor God in spite of it and now use it as God has been teaching me to do.  The rest of my day was one of thanksgiving knowing how faithful our God is.  How much I love Him.  Join me today in Honoring this God we are privileged to serve.

I had some pretty amazing lessons yesterday which I want to learn so I don’t need to repeat them.  It all started with my devotional time when God was telling me to “be still”.  There is an action that must take place if I’m going to be still and that action is trust.  If I’m going to be still I have to trust God to order my day.  Much of what gives me anxiety is me ordering the day so it completes well all that needs to be done.  If I practice “being still” I trust God to order the day and in so doing I believe I will complete well what He wants me to do within each task.

Yesterday all of the above seemed to happen.  However, it happened and I didn’t even remember the lesson of the day–to “be still”.  The day got everything done I knew I’d need to do and it also got some pleasure things done which I’d hoped could get done.  I even had two of my favorite people call so we could talk.  My sis Bonnie was one of the calls.  She had said she enjoyed reading yesterday’s blog.  I sadly had to admit that by late yesterday afternoon I couldn’t even remember what I’d written.  I had to call it up on my phone to reread it.  So, God did order the day in His way rearranging what I would have done and in so doing I got to do the errands I wanted to complete–buying fall plants to put into a couple pots I’ve been wanting to replant but never having time to get the new plants for them.

In the day yesterday I had a meeting with a couple of the recovery leaders for groups this fall.  It was a great meeting and we accomplished all and more of what I had wanted us to complete.  So, this morning as I reflect on yesterday I could easily see how God had ordered the day completing the assignments He wanted done.  He even ordered it so I could start what brings much pleasure for me.  If I’d ordered the day myself I would have only completed tasks I thought needed and that would have delayed again the little ones about plants and phone calls.  Along with all of this, I forgot the lesson.  It just happened anyway.

Lastly, this morning God has been pointing out one item I need to put into permanent memory.  The assignments for consulting I do and the assignments for recovery I do have one item in common–IDENTITY.  The schools for which I consult have been labeled failure schools by the system.  They are in the bottom 5% of Idaho’s schools as indicated by their student learning success.  The recovery groups we will be starting are going to be working with individuals that feel they too are failures and this has become their identity.  When God pointed this out I could identity immediately.  I have quietly believed this lie forever it seems.  God wants each of us and all of us to know that we may fail, but this does NOT make us a failure.  This is Satan’s lie he plants in us.  God is uprooting this lie and He is finally getting to the taproot of it for me.  It is time I become a fully committed servant of God helping others know this miracle of belief will happen for them too.

God is such an Amazing God.  I’ve been up a couple of hours because He had some important things He was wanting me to know from Him today.  As I begin to write this I’m starting to see that God is growing me from continuing to overcome my past to better using my past.  Every since I wrote the book, The Journey From Error to Heir, which started my blog–The Journey Continues, I’ve had continued interest shown in purchasing the book.  Not a lot of interest at any one time, but intense interest from ones who have a struggle or know someone who does and they want to help them.  I’ve never been too interested in having a huge sale of books, but to have a huge impact on anyone who would read it needing to know God’s position in their life.  Knowing we are important to God and that He created us with purpose is not something I have known until most recently.  My heart aches for those who struggle with the lie that they are a mistake as I had always thought of myself.

This morning I’ve had several things stressing me.  I had a call yesterday about the schools I’m being asked to work with this coming school year.  I already know them and their history and I was not eager to be asked to work with them.  When I asked God this morning if these were His choices for me I sensed Him asking me what I’d expected to feel when I was asked to help a site?  Did I want to feel good because I knew it would be easy?  The schools struggling didn’t get to this place of struggle that can be changed by easy answers.  So why am I questioning this assignment God seemed to be asking?  I think God made my answer pretty simple–“of course I will help them”.

The other things I’m struggling with are due to these approaching recovery classes, the leaders being ready for them, and then my brother who just isn’t pulling out of the woods in his healing process following his surgery a week ago today.  God’s response to me this morning was to “be still”.  I already know this message but I need to have it repeated to me often.  To “be still” I need to quiet my mind and not let it race ahead with anxiety.  When I “be still” I can easily organize the day fitting in what must be done and allowing time for the enjoyment of the day like the garden and flower beds as well as being with friends and family.

I don’t know how many of us need to learn to “be still”, but I know this is why God had me up early today.  The assignments God has given me to do in my journey with Him are not to cause me anxiety, but to simply complete as they come.  I can use my past to help with this when I stay in the “be still” mindset.  Satan wants me in a panic mindset so I am filled with self-doubt and anxiety.  I no longer want to gratify the lies I’ve believed.  I want to learn to put into daily practice the truths God is teaching in His Word.  Psalms 131:2 says:  “But I have stilled and quieted my soul….”  This I want to practice today and each day as I learn from my journey with God.

I was given a devotional by some dear friends for my birthday this year.  Its a 60 day one taking the reader through a process of finding abundance in their relationship with God.  Today’s topic is shame.  I was simply amazed to read this and not shut down inside.  Shame has been my most crippling item left with me from the abuse of my past.  The author of this devotional, Ann Voskamp–a Canadian, talks about their adopted child who came from a foreign country.  As a very young child she’d had heart surgery so she has a very large scar in the center of her chest.  Ann had taught her that this scar is her “brave”.

Scars are our reminders of great surgery God does to bring life.  Shame is an open wound filled with infection (shame) in our emotions which we try to protect by building rigid walls around it.  Boy, do I know this well.  We learn to lash out in all different kinds of ways when one comes close to opening this wound.  Over the years I’ve learned to speak this shame which has allowed the wound to begin healing.  I didn’t know how much the healing had taken place until I read this devotional.  As a child no one told me that “the different” I was from dad and many of my brothers was on purpose.  The shame I felt from all the criticism and abuse taught me a lesson God has now largely replaced.  God’s lesson is what scripture has been trying to teach each of us.  God does not make mistakes.  He creates us with purpose and meaning from the beginning.  He wants man to reinforce that with man but Satan has a much different plan.  He does just what happened to me and so many others working to destroy the good of us and then to try and hide it with walls of rigidity.  Those are pretty much gone now.  How I thank God for this–The freedom to be who God created us to be  is what  God wants for us because then we can do for Him all He asks of us.  God is incredibly AMAZING!

I didn’t post it yesterday, but my brother in the hospital had been put back into ICU Monday evening.  He had begun to vomit and in so doing, asperated.  His lungs were compromised so he was on oxygen and they thought they may have to put him on a respirator.  His intestines were totally asleep so nothing was leaving his stomach which led to the vomiting and many more complications.

Yesterday morning as I was having my devotions before going to the hospital with Kathy, my younger brother and his wife, and taking Glenda, God seemed to tell me to leave Herb with Him both spiritually and physically.  We prayed together as we got to the hospital and then went to be with Herb for a little while.  His trauma doctor came as we were there.  He explained the complications and what they were doing to address them.  Herb looked so ill it was hard to watch all that was taking place.  Early last evening Glenda called to say Herb had POOPED 3 times and the nurse had called to tell her!  The nurse said Herb had kept him very busy the last couple hours.  Who would ever think of praising God that someone had pooped 3 times, but we did right then and there!

This morning as I was about to start my journaling I reread yesterday’s entry.  It was there I saw what God had told me.  I was stunned.  The trauma of watching Herb and feeling so helpless had overridden any memory of what God had said to me.  It was another moment of giving thanks back to Him for His faithfulness in spite of whether I had remembered or not.  How much I love our Father!

One last thing, yesterday afternoon when we had gotten home, I was reading Facebook entries.  Facebook had posted an entry I’d made three years ago announcing my book.  It was encouraging me to share it for its 3 year anniversary.  I immediately thought I sure wouldn’t do that but I was also immediately corrected in spirit saying I needed to do this.  It was for celebration purposes and not any of the old lies I use to hear and believe.  I did it and it was amazing to see how many people responded with comments about how much it has helped them.  There were also a few who didn’t know about it and wanted to know how to get one.  God is faithful to His promises.  He does make all things new!

Psalms 119:130 says:  “The entrance and unfolding of Your words give light, their unfolding gives understanding to the simple.”  Maybe you like me don’t want to be called simple.  Yet, there is so much about God’s Word which I do not claim and do as The Bible teaches us.  That is what makes me simple and each of us.  In reality, if we (I) would just follow God’s lead and not fear, fret, worry about the outcome–that would be simple.  I try to manipulate what I do for God and in response to God attempting to make it more comfortable for me.  I forget at these moments that God is in control and I don’t want to be.  These simple manipulations are disallowing God to have all the control.

Today, as I “entered” the scripture above and God began to “unfold” it, I told Him I no longer want to be controlling the day to day living.  I truly want to be surrendered totally to His Leading in my life and all the steps I’m to take each day in my life.  The understanding that God promises will not come about unless I take the steps He asks me to take while I am responding obediently to the unfolding of His Word to me and through His Holy Spirit’s nudges.

I’m on day 2 of claiming yesterday’s scripture.  I had to read it several times during the day reminding me to surrender fear and claim “the sound mind”.  This sound mind keeps me from becoming “simple” and doing things my way.

Today’s Bible reading is again in Psalms.  I have to confess that this book in the Bible is not one I’ve used or referenced in my life like I’ve done with so many others.  I’ve always read through it thinking it is too filled with complaints and confessions.  Why were the authors of all the chapters always in so much trouble?  They needed to get their lives in order.  Well, today I’m reading these same chapters and seeing myself over and over again.  I realize how much denial I’ve been in to my own complaints and confessions.  I may not say them out loud, but they are thought in my mind and they too often control how I respond to God’s leadership for me.  Joyce Meyer even writes a note telling about her own confession of negativism which she struggled with until she learned to replace it with true confession and then stating a verse to replace it.

Much of my negativism is centered around fear–fear of what I’m asked to do which I don’t think I can, fear of someone finding out how incompetent I actually am when I will fail, fear that this crazy idea of mine is just that–a crazy idea, etc.  II Timothy 1:7 says,”God has not given me a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind.”  Joyce said in her insert that for 6 months she would quote a truth from scripture twice a day to replace a lie she had believed and struggled with just as I am still doing.  I’m going to start today applying this to my daily living.

Remember that fertile garden analogy from a few days ago?  Well, I need to poison those taproot weeds which still exist in my garden so that the soul food God wants growing there can have all the space.  That “sound mind” God says He has given me needs for me to replace the lies with His truth.

My word, after today’s devotional time I feel as though I need to have the sharpness of mind I see in my youthful grandkids.  It was all about converting knowledge into Wisdom.  When man knows much and he stays in charge of all that he knows, he can easily become arrogant.  Others who need the knowledge don’t feel comfortable coming to him for help.  This is so contrary to what scripture says about knowledge and wisdom.  Wisdom is a major descriptor of Jesus, God and The Holy Spirit.  We would all agree they know ALL.  However, our entire lives are lived with them learning how to apply what we are taught in meaningful ways.  This is Wisdom.  Godly Wisdom takes knowledge and helps us grow from it into more Christ-likeness.

This morning’s scripture reading is in the Psalms.  In Psalms 115:11 it says: “He has given food and provision to those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him.  He will remember His covenant forever and imprint it on His mind.”  (Amplified Bible)  This could be easily interpreted as God giving human food and human provisions which He does do.  The deeper application however comes into focus when we apply it to Wisdom.  God does give us tremendous knowledge in His Word for our spiritual food.  This food converts to Wisdom when we adjust our living from what we learn.  This is spiritual knowledge being digested.  We actually “eat” this spiritual food when we “reverently and worshipfully fear Him”.  This reverent and worshipful fear looks like obeying the Word of God and obeying His Spirit’s nudges within us.  We also praise God and thank Him for this.  This doesn’t mean when we feel like it, it means when it happens.

The fertile garden I’ve written about in the last couple days is starting to make much more sense with today’s message.  If I (my life) am going to be a fertile garden for God, I will reverently and worshipfully fear God which is the start of finding Wisdom from God.  Wisdom removes all the arrogance man might glean from knowledge and turns it into a loving application for living life much more complete and joyful.  This is what God is wanting me to know and do with our new recovery ministries and all we are learning from each one’s curriculum.  I do want to do this well!

PS–My brother continues to make good progress!

Well, Herb’s surgery went extremely well yesterday.  Even though he is 81 and soon to be 82, the surgeon said his bones were as healthy as someone in their 20’s so he could screw into them the repairs needed.  He assured everyone he would heal well as long as he followed the recovery principles they’d teach him when he leaves the hospital.  This was all such good news.  Thanks for prayers and for God’s handiwork!

As I was rereading my blog of yesterday and processing my morning’s devotion today I realized I touched upon a huge item that God is not even close to being done addressing.  This has to do with making me “a fertile garden”.  I mentioned yesterday regarding the song which stated the message.  I then went into the “feeding faith and starving fear”.  This morning God was showing me that it is in feeding faith by trusting completely in Him that He creates this fertile garden. Faith is a garden’s fertilizer.  It is through starving fear that I weed the garden.  Eventually when one diligently weeds a garden that the amount of weeds dwindle and the garden takes over them.  I know this very well in real-life gardening.  By now I do little weeding and mostly harvesting in my garden.  However, in the spring I need to weed often to keep them from taking control.

It is in my mind that I am very susceptible to fear/weeds.  Joyce Meyers says we need to say out loud these fears and confess them.  I do this at times when I get overwhelmed with them.  But, my pride doesn’t want to confess I let them dominate me to the point of being overwhelmed.  My new commitment is to tell the fear early on so the weeds cannot choke out the trust I’d want in my mind.  I will not only confess fear but I will also state out loud my trust.  Yesterday, spending the day in the hospital, I heard several times the word fear from others around me.  When I heard it from them I could easily address it as such and help them process the fear to trust.  However, I am not good at doing this for myself.  I need others to help me by my saying the fear out loud to them.  So this is my new assignment.  I’m fertilizing my garden!

Today is Herb’s, my brother’s, surgery.  It is suppose to be at 10 am.  Shortly, Kathy and I will go pick up his wife Glenda and head to the hospital.  I have a strong peace about all of this.  God is in complete control.  I love this about Him.

Last night at Celebrate Recovery we sang a song that really resonated with me.  I can’t recall the name of it or I’d tell you here.  I had heard the chorus of it but the verses were new to me.  In them the words were about believing God can make a garden of our lives for feeding others.  I thought when I read them that somehow I’d love for that to be true of me knowing this is what God wants to do for each of us.  The lesson last night was GIVE.  In the lesson the best gift we can give is sharing our personal story of God’s GRACE helping us to overcome whatever Hurt, Hang-up, Habits we struggle with or which have owned us.  The lesson made me realize I’d spent most of my life giving so I could hopefully be good enough for God to use me.  Instead, God has been wanting to rearrange my thinking and believing.  I needed to know that my giving would never make me worthy.  Christ dying on the Cross of Calvary did that for me.  My giving should be done in thanksgiving for Christ’s Giving for me and for each of us.

Now this morning, in my devotional, I was challenged by the message centered around “feed a cold and starve a fever”.  However, the author rearrange the message to be:  “feed a faith and starve a fear”.  When I asked God how all of this tied together He pointed out that the garden of my life still had a taproot needing to be uprooted.  This root has to do with my fears.  I still have many fears I confess haunting me.  As we get closer to the start of our recovery ministries my fears are driving me nuts inside.  I’ve been feeding those fears too rather than feeding faith.  Today, God showed me my need to let go of feeding the fears so I can start believing fully that He is in control of these ministries just like I know He is in control of my brother’s surgery.  This new ministry is not being built on me so I can let all of that go.  I am a servant of God doing my part and I will let Him do His.  Boy, did I need to hear this and do I ever need to now keep focused on feeding the Faith!