July is filled with family birthdays starting with mine on the 1st. Today is another example. I had a brother-in-law with a birthday today. A cousin is today and my youngest granddaughter’s birthday is today. She is turning 3 and a very happy 3 it is! We are celebrating her birthday next Tuesday at our home. Her requests I’m told are chicken and to sit by grandpa! No problem there!!

GOD is LOVE. This was emphasized again in my devotional. We are to be love too both by our actions and our being. This is so easy to do when one is with their grandkids or friends. However, God reminds me that He wants me to love everyone. I do this by being patient and kind, forgiving and self-controlled. I show compassion when it is needed and tend to the one hurting. It is very easy to see these traits in others, or not see them in some. But, taking time to self-assess is what God is asking me to do and I’m sure each one of us needs to do this.

There was a time in my life when I thought I’d reach a stage when all of this would come more naturally and I’d be able to rest in life because I’d accomplished what God wanted as far as becoming the man He created me to be. Well, now that I’m at the age I am, I see that this human flesh never lets up. We always have a bent towards selfishness and it comes out in ways that never pleases God. But, His Holy Spirit is faithful to nudge when this happens so it can be corrected. It is taking the time to listen and reflect asking the Holy Spirit to speak. And, He does. He never stops directing us towards the One in whom we were all created originally to be like. I will never reach perfection I know, but then, the Holy Spirit will never quit guiding me towards the relationship with Him that helps me to stay on track.

I was having a difficult time getting into the website this morning so I could write today’s entry. I had given up on doing so with my laptop and thought I’d try to do it with my phone. Everything was slow but I did get into the writing portion of the website on my phone. As I was going to close down my laptop I saw that it was finally at the right page so I can now do the writing on it. That is much easier.

Kathy’s special day was a fun one. Kathy and Mary had come across a gentleman from North Carolina who was traveling across country with his pickup and travel trailer. He is a single man, airline pilot, on his maiden voyage. They invited him to put his trailer on the property as he was searching for a way to lengthen his time in Wallowa County and enjoy the scenery. He was just another added bonus to the day. Mary was well prepared for all the company and the addition of two more dogs.

Being love, accepting love and giving love are good topics and easy to see in others. It’s a tough topic for self analysis (at least for me). I watch these two sisters and they don’t seem to struggle with this at all. The gentleman here told me last night the second half of his childhood was in foster care and he’s had a good deal of therapy in order to accept life. This opened the door for me to mention a little of my own background. It was a busy night so we agreed we’d talk more when it was convenient.

God is always opening new doors of opportunity. I want to be ready and let His Light so shine.

Today is Kathy’s birthday–my wife of almost 38 years. She left last Sunday for Wallowa, OR to be with her sis and to be in her old stomping ground. One “friend” who heard that she had done that and I wasn’t going up until today said that my absence was my gift to her–5 days without me! I think we know that a good spouse completes us in so many ways. This has been my truth with Kathy throughout our years together. She and her family have taught me so much about love and loving. All I knew about love from my childhood is what I wouldn’t do when I could make my own choices. Little did I know about what I was to do. Then there is all I’ve been writing about “believing” that I have a love nature just as God is Love. I’ve deeply loved God and thanked Him so many times for giving me the gift of Kathy.

Today I head to Wallowa along with our youngest daughter and her family. It is always nice to get away for a while. I think the test will be on Mary, Kathy’s sis where everyone is staying! I’ll give you a little report on this tomorrow! The journey today–Wallowa!

Today the message of Love still dominates. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours with my prayer warrior. I talked with her about “being love”. God is Love the word says. “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” I John 4:16. He created us in His own image making us to be love too. All of this takes me back to a counseling session when I was asked to define who I am. I said I was an educator, a singer and a gardener. I was told these are what I do, but who is the person who does them? I was thrown for a loop with this question. I was to ask Kathy and a couple other trusted friends who they say I am for the next session. I was also to bring Kathy to this session. I didn’t talk to her about the why she was coming until we were driving in. I couldn’t bring myself to ask the question of even her for fear of what I’d hear.

During the counseling session the counselor asked Kathy to tell me who she saw me to be. She said some complimentary things for which I was suppose to agree that they were true. Towards the end of the session I was told we were going to perform surgery and cut the “umbilical cord” tied to my false beliefs of who I am. I am more than a doer, I am a being. This left me so insecure that the next day I went to the lead of our quartet and said I couldn’t sing with them any longer. I am not a singer I said as I wept. Finally I was able to tell my friend what this was all about and he then told me he never sang with me because I was a singer, he sang with me because of who I am–the being, not the doer.

To be love is a created part of us–each of us. I can easily see how man, selfish man, has perverted love in so many ways due to our selfish nature. But, the reality is that we are created to be love just as God is Love. The loving things we do stem from this nature. My prayer warrior yesterday helped so much. She even said, “Look at all the garden produce you brought me. That is love!”

Satan wants us believing the lies we were taught from life. God, however, is relentless in continuing to show us His Nature and helping us to live His Nature through our own living. We do this because He created us this way, not to earn the right to be called His children as I have lived for so long. What a wonderful God we get to serve!

Once again the message of LOVE permeates my devotional time. I’ve seen love as a commitment, as an intense emotion, as a goal to strive for, as a desire to protect—and then I read the three little books of John and hear over and over how we are to “be” love. The more we love the more obedient we are, the more we surrender knowing what to surrender to. These characteristics are the ones portrayed to us by Christ’s time on earth as He lived obediently to His Father’s purposes. Now John is telling us that this is our purpose. To live surrendered to Christ and obedient to Him as He modeled so well.

I’m trying to write this message and as I do I am processing all that God has been dealing with me. He has been dealing a great deal with faith, trust, surrender, obedience and now He is awakening what is foundational to them all–LOVE. It is so much easier to live life fully surrendered and obedient when you love and sense being loved. I’ve always tried to do loving things like doing my work well, singing for the right purposes, taking garden produce to my kids, etc. This has been love. Now to “be” love is a new awakening.

Last night a gentleman I’ve sponsored for a few years called to thank me for loving him, understanding him and giving him insights he couldn’t find. He told me I was like a loving dad. Boy, this makes me tear up. God is so faithful and He has such wonderful ways of showing it to each of us. His emphasis of late on Love has helped me to begin to see love in each day.

My life didn’t start knowing love. I knew commitment. God is now showing me that my childhood is my past and I can be free from its lies. A new day is here.

As I was finishing the chapter of I John 4 again this morning I began to read chapter 5. As I turned the page something unexpected happened. It was the last chapter of this little book and I said, “No God, let there be more!” I’ve never read a book of the Bible before where I didn’t want the book to end. The awakening to God’s message of LOVE which John delivers so well is one I’ve needed all of my life.

As I was starting my devotional reading this morning I opened the first one and the verse said, “How much better to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.” Proverbs 16:16. The devotional went on to talk about our priorities which should never be to place money as our motivation when God is then made second. We can not serve two masters. However, the only message in this verse for me was “wisdom” and “understanding”. I have spent a lifetime reading the bible through. My goal for years was to read it through once each year. But, today, the motivation to finish the bible is gone. To understand the wisdom for which it speaks is my only goal.

I don’t know how many of us struggle with the understanding of love like I have and do. However, I’m finding a yearning I’ve never had before to not only find love from the sake of God’s wisdom, but to understand love. It is the understanding of love which then becomes the “being” love which God is and for which I wrote about yesterday. I think this will take the rest of my life and….

The book of John and the three books of I, II, III John have a huge message I’ve not understood or accepted well throughout my life thus far. This is the message of love. There is no disciple of Christ who addresses love in their writing as much as John does. Paul certainly addresses it in I Corinthians 13 as he writes to the christians of Corinth. Yet, John’s entire theme of writing is significantly and continuously bringing the reader back to the critical side of love. I John 4 emphasizes this and today my eyes were opened to this in ways I’ve not seen before.

Love is a noun first and foremost. God is Love. They are synonymous terms. Love is also a verb. It is an action verb and it also is a state of being verb. Today God is addressing my need to understand Love as a state of being verb. I have struggled my entire life with who I am. I committed early in my life to never BE like my dad or BE like my brother. (The state of being verb.) In fact, I didn’t want to be like any of my brothers as far as the way they handled love. I was going to do a better job at this. Little did I know that I would end up “being love” very similarly to my brothers. Also, in addition, I learned to fear what I saw man do with what he called love. This love looked too much like abuse and for me it was abuse.

Today I see in I John 4:16–“And we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” I’ve known living in fear, I’m learning what it is to actually live in love. Christ told us to be discerning with man, not to judge him, but to discern him. In this category of love, I’ve feared far more than anything else. I see all of this quite clearly today and now God is wanting to begin replacing this fear with Him–His Love. This time I accept the invitation with open arms!

Well, let me address yesterday—as I left the pickup and explained the problem/s, I was told it is likely _____________ and it will be about $2,500.00 which the pickup is barely worth. I left it and went to address some car items for my daughter which were scheduled and simply maintenance (I’m good at dealing with them). Later when I called to see what I was up against with the pickup, I found that their concern wasn’t the problem and it would be a few hundred rather than a few thousand to repair it! My anxiety I spoke about yesterday? Well, God tells me to give it to Him rather than carry it around for years as I had done. The problem with the pickup has always been the same. My fears are what made it worse and my not addressing the fears continued the anxiety. A very strong lesson.

Today’s devotional message from all sources centered around something else God is wanting me to address–bearing fruit. I’m praying for the ministries I work with–Celebrate Recovery and Restoration Classes. God is asking me if I am ready to be a “tree planted by the river of water bringing forth its fruit in its season?” (Psalms 1:3) The devotionals both spoke of bearing fruit and I John chapter 3 talks about showing and living God’s love, not living my biases.

I loved the analogy of my life being like a tree which bears God’s fruit. This tree gets its nutrients from the “river of life–God’s life” which it is planted by. If this is true I will attract those who desire the fruit. The fruit is tasty and safe to eat. It actually brings healing to the soul of man. This fruit is noticed particularly by those living in shame, guilt, mistrust and the list goes on. I can’t do this on my own. This is what God transforms in us as we continue to walk with Him daily and surrender the biases of life we (I) possess which tell others our fruit can’t be trusted.

God is so amazing! He wants my work—our work for Him to be His Kingdom Work which can only be done if our source of strength comes from His river of life.

Today I am tackling something I’ve been putting off for years. I am far from a mechanic. Even though I can often know what a problem is, dealing with it or repairing it is beyond me. My pickup has had one of these issues for several years. I don’t drive it often so I’ve put off dealing with it. However, the problem is worsening so the time has come. I’ve made the appointment for this morning. Kathy is following me in and I’m leaving it. Even though I know the people well who own the business, I have a huge, anxious spirit. I look forward to it being fixed, but….

I write this because this example typifies my level of trust with things I don’t know. I’ve always said I’m not one to procrastinate, but I procrastinate to the extreme when I’m dealing with unknowns such as this. If there is anyway possible I can live with the problem, I will instead of tackling it and finding out how “stupid” I was in having it fixed. This is “old me” talking I know, but this is real me in the present who needs to take this step into faith.

I am not sure what God is wanting me to learn from today’s lesson, but I do know He has been nudging me to take the step being taken today. I’ll be glad when the unknown is known and what the learning is to be from this step. This is such an example of knowing what I know, but living each day what I believe instead of know. I sure need to grow my “believing”!

Each Thursday morning I meet with a gentleman who comes to our home. This man has his own struggles and is working to overcome. We are going through a book entitled, I Give You Authority. It is one we chose because so often in recovery each one of us butt up against our belief system that we are unworthy of any healing due to our past. We may know this isn’t true but our day to day living doesn’t often act as though we believe it.

This book was suggest to me for the two of us by my prayer warrior. When I had asked her to be praying for this man she asked me to consider taking him through this book. I must tell you that it is not only a huge help for him but also for me. The author does an excellent job allowing the reader to grow in the understanding that it is not so much what we know about God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit, it is far more about how much time we spend with them. As we sup with them daily and throughout the day, our intimacy grows with them and we develop more and more of the Christ-like characteristics and beliefs.

This is exactly the way Christ lived while here on earth. Scripture tells us in all of the gospels how Christ would go away on his own to spend time with His Father. In so doing, God continued to minister to His Son, lead and guide Him and acknowledge Him for Who He really is. He wants to do the same for you and me if we will grow our time spent with Him. He doesn’t want to just be our GOD. He also wants to be our most intimate Friend. I sure want to grow in this area allowing my belief system to more fully understand who I am in God my Father.