This morning as I was journaling I was telling Christ how insufficient I feel working with a couple of the new counseling cases. There was a new young man last night and I have a new one this morning. In both cases I have known their families for many years. The needs represented are ones I know, and also know how difficult and impossible they are to deal with in the flesh. With all of this in my mind, I was journaling this to God. I also wrote that when I was working with the issues in the educational world I had a confidence in what I did. I have none of that now. It is no surprise that Christ’s response was that this is exactly where He wanted me to be. HE is the Great Healer–not me. I know that but I still look to what I know to give assistance to what I do. In this case, I know God is the Great Healer and He wants me to put this into what I do by believing it and trusting it.

In talking to one of the two retired counselors last night, she told me that in all of her 40 years of counseling she has never seen so many men come forth seeking help. Even with the male counselors she worked with, most of their clients were women. She said this is a genuine indication of God working. As I put this together I know that if God is working bringing forth these men, I can fully trust Him to complete this work through His use of me. This is so humbling. I cannot thank Him enough for taking this man who kept himself in hiding, and using him for His Work. To God be all GLORY!

At the beginning of this year when I committed to living each day as a new creation, I was eager to do this. I had no idea what this commitment would develop into, but I knew I needed to be willing to address this and accept this challenge. One of my first big realities was accepting the truth that being a new creation doesn’t abolish our flesh and its influence on us. Being a new creation gives us the opportunity to use the gift of choice God has given to all of mankind. I’ve always wanted my flesh to be obliterated knowing that it was in flesh I was abused and I didn’t want to be an abuser who chose to use fleshly ways to hurt others. Life just doesn’t happen that way.

Growing into trusting what I don’t know and often can’t feel is a huge part of being a new creation. Walking into the unknown trusting all the while is a huge part of being the new creation. This is where I find myself these days.

God is wanting me to understand something I am truly struggling with. This is all about approaching God and being with Him in spirit rather than in mind. God’s Gift of The Holy Spirit within us can never have its fullness completed if I continue to come to God in mind and try to process His Word through my mental reasoning. I write all of this very naively. I only know that God is wanting me to let go of my mental reasoning and allow His Spirit to manifest itself in me.

My dad use to yell at me when I was a boy saying he had to break/kill that spirit of mine. I had no idea what he was talking about when he said this and even today I only can surmise what he meant. However, I do know that in my mind I had determined to never allow him to break me. I thought I needed to steel my mental strength so I’d be stronger than him or stronger than my brother’s abuse. Today I realize that mental strength is not what God is wanting me to cherish. He wants me to understand that in spirit I worship Him and find His Strength to believe and trust.

A new creation has a foundation in Spirit waiting to be one’s anchor. I am seeing this more and more. Relying on this seems risky, but I do know not to let my feeling rule. I trust God more than I ever have before in my life. What a great God we get to serve.

In the fall of 1968 I started college. Two weeks into this year I met a young man who asked me to sing in a quartet he wanted to start. This question started a friendship which has lasted throughout the past 54 years and I’m rather sure will continue into heaven’s eternity. This man’s birthday is today and I thank God for the lessons He has taught me through this friendship. How good God is!

Reading Revelation, coming off of the trip visiting the places talked about in this book, is nothing but rewarding. God is making it abundantly clear to stay true to Him and the teachings of His Son Jesus and to be fully awake to His Holy Spirit He has given to us who believe. To think that 2,000 years later His Word is just as alive as it was then and The Holy Spirit is just as powerful and meaningful as He was then. God wants us to not only believe but to trust that we are called to continue building His church. What a privilege it is to get to work with His Holy Spirit. I am forever grateful for God’s continued grace and mercy He gives abundantly.

Today I began the reading of the book of Revelation. Coming off of the recent trip to Turkey and Greece, this book is more alive for me than it has ever been while reading it. This year for me, as I’ve written many times, is the year of finding the truth about what living as a new creation is all about. First and foremost, it is believing you are a new creation. In so doing, one can begin to believe all that scripture says about you and our Creator is true if we have accepted Christ as our Savior and then if we have given Him permission to be Lord of our lives. With this in mind, I want to share what is hitting me this morning.

In Revelation 1:12-15, John describes the person who was speaking to him. This person was Jesus Christ Himself. One of the descriptors which is stated in verse 15 says, “His feet were gleaming like bright metal….” The footnote accompanying this passage reads, “Or burnished brass. …The Aramaic can be translated ‘the brass of Lebanon.’ Lebanon was known for the quality of its fine brass. Brass is a biblical symbol of passing through judgment. Jesus went through judgment for our sins, and with feet on fire He is now kindling fires wherever he walks.” (quote from The Passion translation)

As I read this I could see the change in people’s faces when hope is given to them through sharing God’s Word with them. The truth within God’s Word is the fire that ignites our own spirit to believe. Reading this and knowing the truth of this, removes the stigma I’ve always felt about sharing God’s Word. I’ve never felt worthy of this, but today, I know that being a new creation I don’t ever share God’s Word from my worthiness, it is His Own Worthiness which lives within me. Wow! God is never done with His work in us and how grateful I am that He never gives up!

Today is the 40th anniversary of Kathy and my marriage. As I began to journal this morning I was overcome with gratitude for the tremendous gift God bestowed on me when Kathy came into my life. She is just as stubborn as me and is sometimes even more persistent than I am. These characteristics are often initial stumbling blocks for us as we live life daily, but in the long term, these characteristics have been one of the best gifts God has given the two of us. Kathy has never given up on “my recovery” and in believing who I am in Christ Jesus. It has taken me almost all of the 40 years we have been married for me to come to this reality. I’ve written many times about the 3-R’s: Recognize, Reject and Replace when it comes to the torments of life and beliefs I’ve had of God and me. These torments are being replaced with the 3-S’s: Self-Love, Self-Appreciation and Self-Confidence. Kathy has never doubted these for me, but I’ve doubted them all of my life until this past year or so.

Kathy is the completion for me God has always wanted. Her beauty is just as real inside of her as it is on the outside. Yes, we are both human and our flesh continues to get in the way at times, but the depth of love for one another is so much richer and greater than the flesh that shows up. God is the great Giver and this has been shown to me with His Gift of Kathy.

OK, it is confession time. While Kathy and I were on our trip I began to be tormented with temptations of porn like I have never been. I didn’t talk about it to anyone, I just kept stuffing it thinking this was truly weird. I had thought for a few moments that the demons of the past were still present in the locations we were visiting. As we got home last Monday night I found the temptations to be just as strong and they continued through yesterday. I kept wondering why I was in such attack but continued to not tell and try to fight them off.

Last night’s lesson at Celebrate Recovery was “Powerless”. I have taught this lesson many times but hadn’t signed up to teach it this time since we were gone. A new person taught it allowing me to listen. I don’t recall if the teacher said the following or if I heard the Spirit’s voice within say it, but the message was: “When we allow ourselves to be ‘powerless’, we then must replace the powerless with ‘belief’. If we don’t believe that the POWER of Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit are within us then it is futile to admit we are powerless. On the other hand, admitting we are powerless and believing that the POWER of Jesus Christ Himself lives mightily within gives us the opportunity to surrender the temptations to The Holy Spirit’s POWER.

Yesterday’s devotional title was “Let go and believe”. I thought that was a “right on” message, but didn’t apply it to the attacks I was having. Not until last night did it all begin to come together. Yes, I was in the presence of where Satan himself had begun to deter the new believers of Christ and Christ had revealed to John the messages He wanted written in the book of Revelations so they would refocus themselves. God, in my own distress was wanting me to recognize how powerless I am to stand up to demonic attacks and immediately surrender them knowing I am filled with the POWER of The Holy Spirit and these demons have to flee in His Presence.

This morning I have realized the message James had for us in James 1:2 which says: “Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds….” God uses all of these to grow us into more of His Son’s likeness. I don’t want to lose sight of this ever again!

Yesterday seemed to be a day when making new connections was in order. I delivered one of my books to a man I met on our recent trip. He wanted to read it and then meet afterwards. He could only share a short amount regarding a troubling childhood. He felt like he could share more after he knew my story from the book. Later this morning I’m meeting with a man who had shared over time that he’d like to meet with me but he just couldn’t bring himself to talk openly about his past. While we were on our trip he had a nervous breakdown. (He wasn’t part of the trip). He is now home and I was able to talk with him yesterday. I’m going to their home so we can meet for the first time. I know his wife is aware of more detail than I am, but this will be a start.

God is so faithful and I look forward to watching His healing work begin as the days unfold for both of these gentlemen.

It has been so good to be home even though I haven’t quite got my sleep pattern back to normal. I have been asked a few times already what it was like to take this journey? Last night while attending my granddaughter’s volleyball game, I was asked again. This time I said what was most impacting was visiting the places where people had embraced their following of Jesus no matter what the cost to them. When we visited Israel a few years ago I was constantly reminded how much Jesus was mocked by those who should have been his first followers. Even His chosen ones (disciples) took 3 years to come to their full belief. In this trip we were visiting places where people who had only heard of Jesus, came to believe and stood their ground for Him even to the point of death.

We are so fortunate to live in a country where following Jesus is accepted. It isn’t encouraged like it use to be. It often isn’t even respected, but it is still a right we have. Times are changing and I want to stand solidly for Jesus no matter what develops the rest of my life. The buildings we visited are now ruins, but the Spirit of the Church continues to grow, not because of buildings, but because Jesus Christ is REAL and He is the Son of the Living GOD who came to redeem each and everyone of us!

We are home! I have never enjoyed a trip more than I did this one. It was such a revealing time to relive (as best one can) the lives of Paul and Christ followers almost 2000 years ago and apply those times to today’s time. We haven’t change a bit. But, what is glorious is that Christ and His Promises haven’t change either! What He promised them so long ago is exactly what He promises us today: FREEDOM. Man keeps wanting to make Christ’s freedom look like what we want freedom to be. I’ve been right there most of my life. What Christ’s Freedom most looks like is soul freedom. The inner self knowing man can do nothing to me verbally, emotionally, physically which deter what Christ has promised. In our heart, mind and soul, we are free!

Living these past couple of weeks in a time warp has made very black and white the truth of God’s Word over the years. His message has never changed in spite of what man’s efforts are. He waits patiently to see beyond man’s words to finally believe His Word–only there do we find eternal truth. Being a carrier of this message to others is our assignment for the rest of our days. What a privilege we have to be Word carriers.