It is Friday and this week has been very full with Celebrate Recovery topping off yesterday. Our lesson was the one called HOPE. I was struck as I listened to it to hear the words in Step 2: “I came to believe….” This lesson of HOPE follows the first one, DENIAL and the 2nd one, POWERLESS. It is amazing to me that I am powerless to do anything about what I had believed for so long about who I am and what value I might have to God and others. I HAD to earn this. Finally, after all of these years, I found those words meaning a great deal when I heard them last night: I came to believe.

The first time I ever remember hearing the word, spirit, was my dad telling me he had to break or kill that spirit in me. Little did I understand that God had made me of value to Him from the time I was conceived. Not until I finally recognized and then rejected the lie of my own self-worth was I able to replace the lie with self-love, self-appreciation and self-confidence. I’ve written about this several times over the past couple of years. But, all of this came flooding back last night as I heard this lesson on hope. These words, I came to believe, were the start. I can believe because God gave me HOPE that what He created in me is of value to Him. I’ve been able to rest in this truth for the first time these past couple of years.

A couple of the men in share group are where I had been–replacing what they know is a lie. I know God will do the same for them as He has done for me. The lesson concludes with the statement, “Don’t give up until the miracle happens.” I pray this for them and they even brought this out in the open as they shared. How good our God is!

This morning I began I Corinthians in my bible reading. There is a striking message in the first chapter which God was highlighting for me. This message is “be one”. I have no idea when the original church (followers of Christ) began to splinter into factions which we now call churches (religions), but there is only One Church and that is the body of believers who are Christ followers. The churches we have today either lead people to Christ or they lead people to follow the ways of a man. All of us who look beyond ourselves for spiritual leadership know we are incomplete within ourselves. We have a yearning for something missing within us. Jesus says He is the Way, the Truth and the Light. John 14;6 says this along with this concluding fact: “No one comes to the Father except through me.”

I don’t write this today to condemn a church or religion. I write it because I want to be awake in looking beyond a religion to see if Christ is at the core of its teaching. God has equipped man to address matters of the flesh. He has given us medicines and procedures to lead healing of the flesh. However, when it comes to matters of the spirit–Jesus Christ is the only answer. HE alone is the GREAT HEALER. I sure want to keep this message very clear in my mind and actions each and every day.

Should it surprise anyone that when you hear a message from God that it would come about? Yesterday, when I wrote what I did in this blog, I had no idea how this would materialize, I just knew it needed to come together. As I got to the school the consultant was already there. I had time to share with her the need within the school to be confident that what “I am teaching” is right for the learner–the student/s. This consultant has a natural, confident approach to her so I asked that she put that style into words along with action as she taught and as she met with the teachers during the day and afterwards when we would follow-up her demo teaching in all of their rooms.

This morning as I reflect on yesterday I am in awe at how thorough the day went. The entire staff of teachers were open to the modeling and they asked most meaningful questions. All day long I could see their eyes light-up as they learned strategies which will work for them. I know all of this is secular work, but God has been teaching me over and over that His Work is not separated into secular or spiritual. It is always Spiritual and it is always LIGHT. He can work where He is invited and it is always about belief, trust, faith. It makes my heart humbly happy to be able to work with Jesus and His Holy Spirit in this capacity.

“I give you authority”. When our pastor was delivering his sermon Sunday morning he used these four words in the context of the authority God had given to His Son Jesus when Jesus came to the earth in flesh. Later, in Luke 10:19, Jesus says to his disciples, “I have given you authority….”

At the time I heard these words I was prompted to write them down which I did on my prayer list I keep in my bible. In the last 48 hours this phrase has been circling in my head. Now, this morning, it is starting to take root. It has done so in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’m working with a school where I’ve asked a consultant to come to model math instruction for a group of teachers who have lost their confidence and their student learning shows this. They’ve begun to believe it’s about the kids and their homes, etc. I’ve been with them now for a couple of months and have assured them their students are just like millions more around our country. The learning loss is more about how we teach. Today, this consultant I’ve come to know well will model a confident delivery of instruction which includes several ways to know while I’m teaching that students are learning. She will deliver her instruction with authority which inspires a learner to want to learn what they are hearing and seeing.

I was praying this morning for the teachers in this school to be enlightened by the modeling today. God reminded me that they had lost their confidence. When we lose confidence we can no longer feel in authority. The belief that “I can do this!” is very shaky. However, God is the very One who gives authority. I pray today for this group of teachers to see how they can begin to reestablish this trust and confidence.

God has done this for me in so many areas of my life. It is like a gift defeating the message my dad use to use: “I need to kill that spirit of yours” and “You just think you’re too good for this family–get out and go do your own thing and forget we are even here.” Today, God has replaced these lies with His Authority and with that comes a humble confidence that we can do this! I pray for these seeds to be planted today.

Our class, Mending the Soul, is now taking each of us into the reality that God is still God no matter what is in our past. Yesterday, we finished Facing the Brokenness, chapter 8. In so doing each one has to face all of the lies we have had about ourselves: our value, our capabilities, our purpose, and more. So much of what we have believed are lies which Satan has tried to keep us in limbo to whom God created in the womb of our mother. I know the difficulty of staying awake to these lies long enough that they become replaced with truth–the original value and purpose God had in mind for each of our creations.

The other real awakening in this lesson is the awakening to believing in truth of spirit. We have believed all of our lives what flesh has taught us. It is flesh that Satan has used to make one believe all of the lies that continuously circle in our minds and emotions. However it is in spirit we are to believe these are lies. When we start to believe we then begin to have this glimmer of trust that maybe there is value. We can also grasp for the first time in faith that there is more purpose than we ever thought possible. Talking this through yesterday in class was an eye-opening event seeing the men challenged to believe what they never thought they could.

I know this road which takes one to this point of awakening and I know the struggle of staying awake to the realness of being a new creation. It is Spirit facing flesh. In truth, I’m still on it. But, it strengthens my own commitment when I see others taking their first steps onto a road they’ve not dared attempted until now. Wow, our God is so patient and loving and how much I appreciate all of this about Him!

Today I begin with a much clearer head than yesterday. It is so nice to feel rested. A clear head also helps understanding what I read and hear when I am having my devotions. What is standing out to me as I am reading in Romans is Paul’s persistence in helping the reader understand our need to separate works from grace. In the old Laws of the Old Testament everything was built around works. Somehow that root is wired in our flesh. However, what is wired in GRACE is Trust & Faith.

As I ponder all of this I go back to my own struggle with value. What also came to mind is my struggle with porn. These are things I’m helpless to break on my own. I’ve always thought I needed to take action on them and I have many, many times! However, my actions never led to conquer. What has worked is my giving up on my efforts and simply trusting God and having faith that He in His Grace will take care of these issues. Yes, I need to turn away from my fleshly beliefs/desires. That is my part. But from there, the battle is not mine but God’s.

When I was journaling about struggles I asked Jesus my daily question. “What do you want me to know from You for today?” His response was amazing. It was the words of a song my friend and I have sung many times in years past. They are, “My name is Jesus. I know this road. I’ve paid the price for you. I’ll carry your load. I’ve just come from Calvary. My work there is o’er. My Name is Jesus. You’re not lost anymore!”

When I feel helpless to know what to do, it is for good reason. I’m not to do anything except Trust and have Faith. It is not for me to do. It is what God is waiting to do once we learn to stop and surrender.

Today’s entry is rather late in being written. My three days in Montana were productive and almost like a whirlwind. There is much to address and limited time to do it so all I think about for those three days is the work to be completed. Well, something I should have been thinking about is my return trip. I needed to drive 2 hours to get to the airport and when I looked at my itinerary I saw a time which I kept in my head. The problem was the time I saw was the time I would land, not the time I would take off. So, my arrival to the airport was too late to catch the flight. The other thing I hadn’t noticed was that my carrier going to Montana wasn’t the same carrier I returned with. (I really do need a secretary!) Fortunately, the airline agent was most thoughtful and got me on the last flight to home but it got me home at midnight rather than 8:00 pm. I’m rummy this morning, but I’m so grateful for thoughtful people who have their act together when I don’t!

This item of love I wrote about yesterday has been addressed again this morning in my devotions. The idea that God invites us to “sup” with Him, “dine” with Him is something to ponder. When we are invited to dine with a friend they want to not just eat with you. They want to delve deeply into life with you because you are a “trusted” friend. This is not different with God. He WANTS to dine with me (us) and He invites us to do so. We just have to show up and wake up to this truth. This is such a great indication of LOVE. Light is shining into an area I’ve shied away from far too long. Thank you Jesus!

This morning as I began my journaling I ended by asking the question I do each day of Jesus. “What do You want me to know from You for today? His response was unusual but immediate. He asked, “Do you know that I love you?” He usually has more to say than a question but that seemed to be it for this morning. I started to respond to say that I did, but I started to take a look at my actions towards love and began to realize just how much I don’t know about love. So, I wrote that I know about love but living through my childhood where love was never addressed, I learned to isolate myself from abuse and I called isolation safe.

This morning my mind began to open to what ladies call the man cave. I’ve always pushed that statement aside thinking it is silly. Yet, this morning I realized that my man cave is the place I go to be safe–isolation. I do this mentally whether I’m in a crowd or alone. It is safe and it is relaxing. I don’t find myself doing this nearly as often as I use to do, but I sure recognize it.

This morning I felt challenged to face love and I asked Jesus to awaken me to it. I’m not sure what this is all about, but I do look forward to being awake to it. Receiving love is something I’ve been told I don’t do well, so now I’m ready to accept this truth and to grow into knowing and receiving love as well as giving it. What a morning!

If you are like me at all, you sometimes wonder how living out Romans 8 is possible. Paul does a fabulous job outlining the transformation from living in the flesh to living in the Spirit. It all begins when we accept Jesus as our Savior and then begin to live with Jesus as our Lord.

This morning as I was journaling I asked Jesus how this transformation actually takes place? How did He do this? Immediately I was given a word picture which was like this—-. Jesus said, when I gave My Life on the Cross for you I then created the capability for God to now see you as the perfect creation He made you to be originally. So when you accept Me as your Savior and live for Me as your Lord, God sees you as the perfect child He created. This isn’t dependent now on what you do, for I have already done it! This isn’t just a possibility, it is a fact. I’ve known this in my own mind for a long time, but today it was like my committed mind to Christ heard it and made it true (a fact) for me.

I had no idea just how much damage my childhood abuse did to my belief system until I came face to face with my disbeliefs regarding the promises of scripture. But, I can honestly say that these promises of scriptures are not just to be hope, they are fact. Living life with God’s Holy Spirit leading each and every day will eventually bring us to the complete truths of God’s promises. They are not eventual truths for living in heaven, they are truths for living each and every day today!

This morning’s journey starts quite early as I head to the airport to work with the school district in Montana. I was concerned yesterday with the work in the one school I’ve taken on in our valley this year. However, just as each week comes I am impressed with the commitment of the staff. Also, when there needs to be a difficult conversation because of the changes that need to be made, the conversation is received openly. This is such a good sign of one’s capability to overcome.

As I write this I think just how applicable this is to one’s recovery. I’ve needed to have many difficult conversations with myself from counselors/therapists in my past. Yet, my willingness to accept the message and act on it determines God’s strength given to me for my own overcoming. God is so patient with us waiting for our hearts and minds to be ready to “receive the message” and then act on it. I want to stay faithful to this the rest of my life.