The journey of life is not to be taken lightly. Each morning as I get to this point in my day where I sit down at the computer to write this entry I reminisce the previous one. Sometimes this is easy and even rewarding. Others are ones I’d like to steel off as I learned to do as a child. Still others are ones where I seemed to forget I was suppose to be seeking God and I only sought my own self. All of this certainly shows my humanness. However, each and everyday, I renew my commitment to serve God well, listen to His Holy Spirit as He nudges, and respond to each nudge as it comes. Do I do well with this? Reading those three categories above answers that. I don’t tally each day to see where I light, but always my goal is to have each reflection be easy and rewarding because my obedience has been sound.

Today I go to church early because our quartet is leading worship. At noon time our Celebrate Recovery leadership is meeting. In both cases the ministries look very different than before this current crisis. I keep wanting to have them go back to the way they were before all of this hit. However, I need to not steel off the crisis we are in. Many people say we are in the last days. I don’t doubt that’s true. However, I don’t know how to respond to it. I write this last sentence and I hear God’s voice say to not respond to “it,” but, instead, Respond to ME.

Yesterday’s message was about disillusionment. I don’t want to be living where I judge others. I want to support and to respond to God’s nudges with obedience that looks like support. I pray for God’s strength to do this well and that I will not steel off the reality of today, nor will I try to interpret reality through my own thinking. Instead, I will respond to my One True God–Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit He has given me.

This morning Paul is giving Timothy a great deal of information about being a good leader. Sometimes I wish I could put my life in reverse, back up so I could redo my earlier years. I am not talking about my childhood. I’ve never wanted to reenter those years . It was bad enough reentering them through the years of counseling. What I’m referencing today are the younger adult years. These years were absent of sound mentoring like Paul is giving Timothy in chapter 3 of I Timothy. I know that I had read this chapter and the others in these two little books but I had no one taking the information and helping me process it into my actions and decisions at the time.

When I read Oswald Chamber’s devotional this morning he had written about disillusionment. His writing was helping me see that when we are working with and socializing with others, we must be careful to not overly criticize or judge. We can get disillusioned when we have expectations for others which don’t fit them. We need to see beyond present behaviors and ask God to help us see others as He does. The time of judging man is never ours. God has an appointed time for which He will judge. He asks us to discern and to pray for discernment. I needed help with this area in my younger years and sometimes I do today. God sees all men as His creation just as you and I are. He sent Jesus to die for us and give us first hand opportunity to come to Him. So, He sure doesn’t want me judging or criticizing as I get close to others. He wants me to help, support, love and discern just as Jesus modeled so well.

This is my lesson for today!

Yesterday I wrote this statement towards the end of my blog: “Keeping my eyes on God and staying obedient to Him is what will keep me steadfast and patient.” Yesterday’s lesson for me was entirely on patience. Patience is a key practice of separating what is mine to do and what I need to surrender to God for it is not mine to do. Keeping my eyes on God and listening to Him is critical. The other piece to yesterday’s lesson which didn’t hit me until this morning is obedience. Today I need to address this more fully.

I started I Timothy this morning where Paul is writing to his “spiritual son” Timothy. All we know is that Timothy is young and is being discipled by Paul who is now older. Paul has learned a great deal from the time of his zealous pursuits of killing and imprisoning the Christians of the early church. He writes to Timothy outlining how to pray and for whom he should be praying. Paul also tells Timothy of his ignorant disobedience to God in his earlier years and of God’s mercy steering him into conscious obedience. It is this that hit me so squarely–conscious obedience.

There are times during the day when I don’t want to respond to a nudge God gives me. Lots of reasons may be given for this but it usually centers around being tired or focused on something else at the moment. Sometimes it is simply–God, I don’t want to do that. The fact that this too is sin hadn’t hit me as it did today. When God nudges it is because His timing is perfect. If I disobey the nudge I am putting my own timing ahead of God’s. The other part of this ties to the lesson of yesterday about patience. There are times when I want to do something and God is nudging that it is not the right time. If I choose to pursue anyway, I once again sinfully disobey.

The last thing that is becoming very clear to me is that even though we are a new creation, we still have choice. I’ve spent my life addressing the sins of abuse–hiding them, counseling about them, writing a book about them, etc. In all of this I wanted to be free of sin’s bondage. What I thought I’d have on the other side of this bondage is freedom from sin. I hadn’t thought about the fact that Earnie would still have choice to sin as a new creation. I was too focused on sins of the past. I’ve heard many older people talk the choice to sin is ever before them. Finally I understand this. I want to choose obedience to God but my humanness is always with me. I truly want to be awake to this truth.

This little book of II Thessalonians is quite an insightful one. The three chapters have, in my words, a two focused message: keep your eyes open to the fact Christ is returning knowing what to look for; secondly, be diligent in doing what God is nudging you to do during this time, while being PATIENT.

I have never, until this morning, looked at patience from a spiritual lens. Patience has always seemed to be an emotion which keeps other emotions in check. Things like anger, impulsivity, talking too much, etc., are all kept in bounds when patience is practiced. I’ve always looked at this from my own emotional makeup. I can appear to be patient while inside I’m about to explode.

This morning as I read the 3rd chapter of Thessalonians, I find in verse 5 this message: “May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness and patience of Christ and in waiting for His return.” Joyce Meyer writes in response to this verse: “…I have learned that patience is not my ability to wait; it is how I act while I am waiting. I need to learn to wait with a good attitude.” My emotions will not lead me to steadfastness and patience as verse 5 says. My spiritual growth is what will do this. Keeping my eyes on God and staying obedient to Him is what will keep me steadfast and patient.

Jesus is an amazing example for living like each and every day. He had learned to stay steadfast with His eyes being focused on His Father’s plan for Him. The chaos of the world in which He lived was not where He looked for leadership in His life. We can all learn a great deal from this as we keep our eyes focused on God’s leading.

As I opened my Bible this morning to II Thessalonians I started to read the preface to chapter 1. I was jolted straight up when I began to read it. It said, “Remember that rebellion and lawlessness are two of the characteristics of the end times. Be care to stay submitted to the authority God has placed in your life. Use your time wisely and spend your life doing the things you know Jesus wants you to do.” This preface is written as a synopsis of the forthcoming scriptures and their meaning in order to prepare the reader.

My grandmother was the first person I ever heard talk about the end times. She told me that when Israel became a nation in 1948 she had thought that was going to be when Christ came. She emphasized the importance of what the above synopsis says, “…Use your time wisely and spend your life doing the things you know Jesus wants you to do.” Grandma truly did this. Wherever she was, she was witnessing for Jesus Christ. If Jesus ever needed a cheerleader he would have chosen grandma for she was truly sold out to Him!

II Thessalonians is only a 3 chapter book. But, it is all about Christ’s return and our need to be ready for it. I don’t spend a lot of my time talking about the end times, but I am not in hiding about it either. There are many biblical signs around us today indicating this time is approaching and likely here. Each of us needs to be ready for this time too. Ready simply means having our relationship and trust found not in man, but in Jesus Christ Himself. This is truly how I want to close out my life regardless of how long the end times last.

When I began this blog 4+ years ago I did so to let the reader know that once we find the freedom from our past, the journey doesn’t end. In fact, what I found about 9 years ago when I ended the 3 years of therapy and counseling was a start instead of an end. It was the start of living my life as Earnie, God’s created son who came to earth by means of my earthly parents–Harold and Opal. Up until that time I had lived to hide my past knowing it would destroy any chance of successful living in the present and future. It was deception on my part, but that’s where Satan had me bound.

Eventually, in 2015 I wrote the book, The Journey from Error to Heir. The book had three parts, The Abuse, The Secret, Finding Freedom. About 9 months following the book’s completion I began to be prodded by God to start this blog. I was realizing that there was so much more for me to learn on the freedom side of the bondage I’d live in for the 61 years prior. The book ended, but my living in freedom had only begun. Thus, the blog keeps he journey clarified.

God wants each of us to be warriors for His Kingdom work. When man gets fit for battle his body has to be tough and muscled. His mind has to be disciplined and focused. God’s warriors need to have this in place in the spiritual realm. In this part of us we surrender, we trust, we believe, we have faith, all which seem intangibles to flesh. All the mental side of us along with the physical side of us is to be kept on hold until our spiritual side is strong in order to be Kingdom warriors for God.

I could never feel strong in my spiritual side because my mental side kept me believing lies planted by Satan from my past. Today I believe more than ever that I am a child of the King and He has purpose and meaning for me just as He does for you. Growing in my spiritual realm has been such a new awakening for me. This is where I will stay for the rest of my days. I have so much to learn here!

The journey today will take us back to Idaho from a nice and relaxing time in Oregon. It is refreshing to come here and let your mind “be still” about so many things which seem to occupy it when home. In fact, I don’t even realize how much that is true until I get away.

This morning’s bible reading is in I Thessalonians. In chapter 4, verse 11 it says to “…endeavor to live quietly and peacefully, to mind your own affairs….” This was so fitting for me and this weekend. There are so many affairs at the present which to man need attention and they are severe items. To live quietly and peacefully in the midst of this seems contradictory to being responsible with them. However, what God is telling us through Paul’s writing is to take care of our own affairs. Somehow, we get pulled into the affairs of those around us and there are times we need to do this. God nudges us to do so. However, the direction here to mind our own affairs means we need to have our own affairs in order. If we are nudged to assist others, we will be ready to do so.

God’s Light shines for us in showing how to handle our own affairs. I may have things I want to tell others, but if what I wish to say isn’t anointed by God, I can be sure it will end up being words to the wind and sometimes words which cause an entirely new storm. Remembering this lesson as I return home will be a good assignment for me.

I’ve been coming to Wallowa, OR starting in the spring of 1982 which was the spring Kathy and I met. Since that time I’ve come back yearly and often several times in a year. I never cease to be amazed at the beauty and solace of the mountains and all that lies therein. Whether the sun is out showing the majestic mountains, the clouds are out dumping rain, the snow is coming down adding to the accumulation from the previous snows; there is a peacefulness which only God understands from His creation. I do love the mountains.

Our world today has so much chaos churning throughout it. Often it weighs heavily right behind the activities of the day making me wonder what will be next? I know that God is present in all of this and none of it is a surprise to Him. His scripture tells us to prepare for the coming of the Lord. All this to say, today I can’t see the majestic mountains. The clouds are bringing rain. However, I know my God reigns for I know what the clouds hide.

No matter the condition of our world, the same God Who created us is the one Who will someday deliver us from all of it. Yes, we must live in the chaos, support what we know to be right; but,”… keep my eyes lifted to the hills from whence cometh my help.” Psalms 121:1.

I’m sure you are just as aware as I am that as soon as you make a strong commitment to grow your walk with God, that commitment will be challenged. I don’t know why I forget that one piece each and every time. Yesterday was one of those times. Earnie’s will was standing out in the front of my mind and emotions all day. Did I know this? Yes, but I had the right to be! It went downhill quickly from there and stayed there. I wasn’t going to budge from my righteousness. Five minutes of communication ahead of time would have cleared this.

Good grief, I just reread what I wrote in the first paragraph. If I were meeting with someone who just told this to me I’d ask them what they thought there next step ought to be? Of course, I know what my next step will be and yes, I will take it.

There is something that surrender doesn’t remove–choice. No matter how committed our humanness is, we still have choice. Today I will choose to start the day addressing the humanness of yesterday. I am so glad our God is a loving, forgiving God!

It seems that every verse I’m reading presently and every devotional I read is hitting squarely this topic to total surrender to God’s Spirit’s leading. Only one of the devotionals is new to me. The other one is a repeat and the scriptures are certainly not new to me. What is new to me is the reality of living totally surrendered. It is as though I’m reading all of this for the first time.

So much of my issue has been my belief. I’ve never felt I could be totally surrendered. In fact, outside of a very few people, I thought that total surrender was a goal to work towards, but would could never be completed in human flesh. However, God has never quit working on the root causes of my lack of belief. Finally, I do believe! A huge factor in this has been my getting my eyes off of dad’s life and completely onto Christ’s life. If I were better than dad then I could be Christ-like, I thought. Likewise, if I were better than my brother I could be Christ-like. In all of this I would lose sight of Earnie’s sin nature which was my own, not theirs. Taking my eyes off of them and putting my eyes onto Christ has enabled me to respond more fully to The Holy Spirit regarding me.

The book, The Spiritual Man, by Watchman Nee says we recognize God’s Spirit through our intuition rather than through our minds and emotions. I have a superficial understanding of intuition, but I believe there is a depth to it I will be awakening to as days progress. I want to become this man who is fully surrendered each and every day. My goal is to never lose sight of this need to daily surrender the will of Earnie to God’s Holy Spirit’s will for me.