Today feels like the day after. What I mean by this is that yesterday was a day where one is left wondering–God, what is next? It started with my brother-in-law notifying us that his wife had passed. We knew the time was close, but that never removes the grief one encounters when the time actually comes. A couple hours later I received a call from a new counselee needing help–“today”. I was able to meet with him and set a path for future meeting times and provide the truth of HOPE. Later in the day I was given more troubling news. The one needing to talk also used the term–Worship and Trust. These three words were given to him when he was contacted by one praying for him.

This morning I have been given the option of staying tuned only into the grief of man or I can choose to Worship and Trust while I see this grief. I can see the issues of yesterday clearly, but as I look at them and allow Christ to enter into the scenes I see outstretched arms which long to embrace. I can worship this Savior and Trust every move He makes. I don’t know the timing of these steps, but I do know He will take them and use all of this to His Honor and Glory. So, today I choose to Worship & Trust, not just now, but throughout the day.

Today’s devotional time began with this statement–“Exchange Your Thoughts”. What I didn’t realize was that these 3 words were going to be the entire lesson of this morning. When I began the 3 years of counseling 13 years ago, my mind was bombarded with continuous thoughts about who I am and what I should/shouldn’t be doing. Most of them were focused on why I wasn’t worthy to do what I was doing and why I should quit. I’m primarily talking about two things: leading Celebrate Recovery and doing the consulting with schools. I was believing lies and was trying without success to stuff those lies so I could move forward each day. So, as I began the counseling the counselor would take one of these thoughts and we would go deeply into them. The EMDR (therapy for PTSD) would assist in surfacing the abuse of my past which led to me believing these lies. This process started helping me exchange my thoughts for truth.

As I worked through my devotions, each part was focused on this same theme. I write all of this because this start of my counseling others has caused me to “fight the lies” all over again. I find myself using the process of taking one lie and helping the counselee go deeply into what has caused this lie to seem as though it were truth. In so doing this, I have my own thoughts such as–“good grief, aren’t you something–trying to help others when you are…………..”

II Corinthians 10:5 says: “We take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” Today, I understand this verse so much more clearly. I no longer have the hundreds of thoughts to take captive. There are only a very few these days, and I can do this and will do this–now that I have been clearly reminded. God is so patient and He wants me to use my learning to help others with theirs.

The joy, yet sadness of loss, is a paradox. The joy is that when we lose a family member who is a believer, we will see them upon our entrance to heaven. The sadness is they are no longer with us until that entrance. In less than a month I’ve lost a sister and a niece. Now, we are losing a sister-in-law. She is one of those where the “in-law” can be removed. You simply want her as your sis. All three of these are believers. Heaven has welcomed two and the other is very close. Yet, I rejoice and know that JOY is close by. I hurt for my brother-in-law (who is as close to me as a brother). He and Debbie have been an inspiration every since I married into their family.

Some of the JOY of today is flying in this morning. I will get them from the airport in a few hours. Sadness–yes, JOY, yes. These will be part of this Christmas and we will celebrate the truth that Jesus came for these very reasons. We can be confident that those we lose will only be ‘for a while”. I’m so grateful for this blessed Savior we are celebrating and the assurance He promises!

The Christmas tree is up, decorating is done, presents and stockings are wrapped, our oldest grandson has arrived as of last night and our Oklahoma family will be arriving tomorrow morning. Yes, the Christmas season’s celebrations can officially begin.

I can’t begin to outline just how much of my life’s enjoyment has been wrapped around my view of “man”. The joy in events and life itself was determined by the way “man” got along with others during the events. I was listening to my grandson last night and heard similar comments about his present life and how “man” determines enjoyment by his behavior. Then, I read this morning’s devotion about JOY. It reminds me that JOY is found in all circumstances of every day. The only way this can be done is when our eyes are off of man and onto Jesus. Our state of mind can be joyful when we live in the world of man but keep our eyes looking up to Jesus. We can only be responsible for our own behavior and response to life. Our heart can then be joyful when this is done.

Everyday I get lost in the day. I’m thinking I need to have devotions about 4 times a day so these reminders come often enough that I live by them more intentionally. Once each morning is usually a good start and then…. Well, here’s to a healthy start!

Well, the surprise of yesterday was totally unexpected. The counseling session was not at all what had been intended. The father didn’t come. When he was called, he’d forgotten. That right there screamed a message to me. The son was very saddened. He was ready and prepared to give his message of hope to his dad. Instead, he got an unspoken message that you don’t count (which he already struggles with). All of this now said, we needed to look at God rather than man. By the end of the session we had agreed that God was taking more time to prepare all of the members for the session which will now take place in two weeks. We didn’t walk away with understanding, but we did walk away with peace.

My devotional’s message today was that understanding is not what brings peace. Trust brings peace. I instantly tied this message back to yesterday’s event. We understood the message yesterday–“I forgot”. There was no peace in this. However, when we walked away from the session an hour later, we had taken a look at what God must be doing that we can’t see or know at this point in time. We accepted TRUST and found peace. The young man’s words were, “God cares.” And, I agree!

This morning I am walking into a counseling session unlike any I’ve had thus far. A young man who has been coming for a couple of months is confronting his father for the physical and verbal abuse throughout his childhood. I know his father quite well. As I began to pray this morning and asking Jesus what He wanted me to know, He said it was now time to recognize Him and His Holy Spirit. They have already been working on this and I am facilitating Their start of a healing process. Healing comes when the wound is exposed. Today will be exactly that–exposing the wound. I had to admit that I knew this to be the right thing to do, but my eyes were momentarily on man, and Jesus wanted them to be on Him. It makes me smile to write this. I hate being so human, but it is simply true and these reminders from Christ are deeply appreciated. I will now walk into this session surrendered and focused. How good our Savior and Lord is!

Last night was our Christmas blessing night for Celebrate Recovery. We have done this for 15 years now and it seems to grow in significance instead of just being a ritual to repeat. There were 50+ present. We had the Landing kids (13-18 years old) join us in this. They seemed to be deeply connected to its blessings as we adults were. It is amazing to see how God orchestrates the blessing which is randomly chosen from a container and read to its recipient. Each time it is as though it had already been planned just for them. I know there is nothing random about God’s working. Last night was another perfect example of this.

How great and wonderful our God is!

This morning I couldn’t help but reflect on Jesus’ message to me yesterday. In a counseling session last night (one I still observe from when we started last June), the counselor had the counselee address a traumatic event in his childhood from three different angles. In so doing the counselee was able to be freer from its tormenting dreams and lingering bondage. It was a good tool to add to my growing list I can use with my own counselees.

The process made me wonder about the sexual abuse I endured from my brother. I don’t have nightmares about it any longer, but I do sometimes have dreams about being sought out. I also have the tormenting temptations. I wondered if I should walk through this process using my own story? It isn’t one event–there were hundreds of times. I will talk to the counselor I observed about this. However, when I asked Jesus about it this morning, He reminded me of sin’s consequences. Temptations are not sin and they don’t have to be acted upon. I can always say no to them, confess them to my sponsor friend and walk away. I know this and take these steps.

God is opening my mind to new learning in areas I’ve always been curious about, but now I can use them with His Help for the sake of others and even my own continued growth. Living this life as a new creation is a lesson unto itself. I never want to stop learning from our Great Teacher!

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been reflecting on the difference between having Christ’s Help vs having Christ’s Leadership. I’ve written about this a couple different times, but it has not been resolved until today. When I was journaling I found myself wanting deeper clarity on this topic so I wrote out what I thought the differences were and then I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know. This is what I heard:

“You are asking things only few get to in their lifetime of living in the flesh. It doesn’t mean I don’t respond, but it does mean–will you respond? You have looked to a few of My people (Mother Teresa, Oswald Chambers, and Watchman Nee) who dedicated their living for me. It wasn’t what I did, it’s what they did. They yielded themselves to always saying YES to Me, no matter the cost to them. Their obedience is what they gave Me. This is what I simply ask of you each and every day. Is that price too big? I don’t think so, for the consequences for obedience are souls won for Me and souls finding freedom beyond salvation, as you well know. This, My son, is allowing Me to Help. You must choose the decision to take all the help and act on each one, not the “some” which are easier or more comfortable.”

I have been afraid to trust my “leadership” for my life. It would be so much easier if Jesus simply took the lead and I would simply follow. However, it became very clear that He will never take away choice. Obedience is always a choice. I see my pride as my major stumbling block. I don’t want to look like dad and his pride. However, Christ says to take my eyes off of dad and place them on Him. This is my first step of obedience for today.

Today, I began my journaling as I always do each morning. When I got to the end of my part and asked Jesus what He wanted me to know for today, I heard a voice unfamiliar to me. I started to write what I was hearing but felt this uncanny sense that this was not Christ’s voice. I stopped writing and rebuked this voice in Jesus’ Powerful Name. As I began to write again, the unfamiliar voice was gone and the voice I always hear was now present. I knew the other voice was that of evil, but wondered why today? As I got into my devotional reading I knew why.

Last Thursday in Celebrate Recovery one of our young men asked for prayer for a court hearing he has today. I put a post-it note in my devotional on today’s date so I’d remember to pray for him. It is a very ugly case which involves blatant sin where evil thrives. When I saw the note I stopped and prayed in Jesus’ Powerful Name to thwart all that Satan wants to take place today and let His Will be done in this courtroom. It was at that point the “peace that passeth all understanding” settled in me. I knew then that Jesus Christ will help this young man today and he will know He is in God’s Care.

What a caring and gracious God we serve!