Today I start a venture I would never have believed true for me. As I think back to when I started this blog, 9 months following the publishing of my autobiography over 6 years ago, I never dreamed God would put this opportunity in front of me. I was thrilled God had opened the door for the educational consulting. It didn’t seem to align with my recovery, but instead, it gave me value as a human (this has been within my own mind). Today, however, God has opened the door for the direct involvement of my abusive past to help others address their own hurts, hang-ups and habits. God has been abundantly trustworthy and faithful in leading me through several years of healing so today I can believe I am a new creation. I’m old in flesh, but young in my new creation. Today, I believe! Isn’t our God wonderful!!

And just like that 4 years have come to an end. Today I will wrap up the work with the last of the schools here in Idaho. I’ll be headed there in less than an hour. It seemed strange to look at my phone calendar to see that the rest of this week didn’t have any schools on it. It opens now the window so, starting tomorrow, I can fully focus on the counseling. There’s a good deal to get organized so I’m hoping to spend much of this week’s time at our church getting details worked through and getting materials personalized for our church’s new venture. What caused me much anxiety a few months ago has turned into eager expectation–with “eager” sometimes still feeling like “anxiety”. Now, today, I can face the “anxiety sense” and remind myself that God is orchestrating all of this and I get to be the one chosen to enact it (with the help of several others).

But, for today, I ask God to lead this closure. The physical connection will end, but my love for the work of education is as real as ever. Thank you God my Father for 50 years in this worthy profession.

This was a first! My wife just asked me if I’d written a blog this morning? I quickly thought back to early this morning realizing I’d gotten side tracked working on the Celebrate Recovery Leadership training lesson for this coming Wednesday. In so doing, I lost track for a moment of the blog. The focus was the same, but the assignment around the focus was very different.

My bible reading was Romans 8. The chapter is called “Living by the Power of the Holy Spirit”. The book of Acts is filled with people being anointed with the Holy Spirit and then the ACTS of the people who were empowered by The Holy Spirit. So, now in Romans I was eager to read this particular chapter and wanted to talk about it with our CR leadership team this coming week when we meet. I’m also reading a book entitled: Unlocking the Mysteries of the Holy Spirit. It is a great read for me. So much about the Holy Spirit is left somewhat unattended by today’s church. Yet, the New Testament is filled with its value to us. Now that I am daily working to live and believe I’m the new creation God made, the empowerment of The Holy Spirit becomes increasingly important.

Writing all of this, I simply say I’m sorry for this late entry. God is working and I truly love Him for this.

I awoke very early this morning with a strong sense of anxiety. I thought through the things of yesterday and today to check for triggers for it. Nothing came to mind. I began to pray that if this is just Satan playing tricks with my emotions that I would simply go back to sleep. The next thing I knew it was time to get up. Only in my recent years have I been able to admit the amount of anxiety I contend with. I might have mentioned it in times past but at the same time I’d laugh it off as those it was simply a little torment rather than a mountain I couldn’t climb.

Stepping into this new area of “ministry” does have my mind and emotions playing all sorts of things. Deep within I know beyond any shadow of doubt that God has placed this here. I’ve never been in touch with my own emotions and the effects of them on my day to day living. as I am now. So, rather than stuffing them as in times past, I am learning to respect them as me and surrender them. I’m not going to be making decisions based on them. I find they are within me and they are triggered by all kinds of stimuli which only now do I begin to see.

God is so amazing! I want only to grow more and more into the complete new creation He has always intended for me.

I have finished my devotions this morning and am now ready to write today’s blog entry. Not very often do I ponder what to write, however, today I do. Do I tell about yesterday’s last meeting with the consultants I’ve worked with the past 15 years? Do I write about Celebrate Recovery last night? Do I write about the devotional’s message this morning which seemed to be written simply for me? Or, do I write about my thinking that I am much freer next week so I don’t need to use a calendar to schedule my days only to find that I’ve already double booked a time because I didn’t bother to look?

What I do know is that I’ve loved reaching the days of summer so I can be free of schedules for a moment in time. Yet, the very moment I get there I stumble into what has happened already. I’ve always looked at a scheduling calendar as a burden rather than a gift. I like carrying a schedule in my head, but over and over I lose track of something when I resort to this “fleshly pride”. I’m going to work on seeing my calendar as a gift so I actually know and can live more confidently. I’ve lived a long time, but there’s always room for the next lesson!

This morning’s devotional time has awakened in me something I’ve never thought through before. It comes from reading Romans 5 in The Passion. In this chapter Paul, author, is outlining for us the reader the significance of Christ’s redemptive work on the Cross and His Resurrection. The fact that it is all done out of God’s Grace and Christ’s obedience to His Father has always been clear. What hasn’t been clear to me until this morning is why this Grace is so important for us from the Hand of God.

Adam was God’s first creation of man. Christ was God’s second human creation. Because of Adam’s sin all of us were given sin, not from our choosing, but from Adam’s choice which resulted in death. God sent Christ to correct the consequence of Adam’s choice so if we choose Christ we then have life–eternal life instead of eternal death. Adam chose sin for man, Christ chose forgiveness for a sin we couldn’t correct. Maybe I’m the only one who has not fully grasped the significance of God’s Grace in this. Adam chose sin for me and God’s Grace gave me a choice for correcting Adam’s choice. Only God could correct this original sin done to us and He did it through His second creation of man–Jesus Christ who made obedience to His Father his first and only choice throughout His life here on earth.

I’ve written several times about the sins done to me from the sexual abuse of my brother and my dad’s physical and emotional abuse. I could never dispel these sins for I thought they were mine–those sins were who I was. Satan had me believing these lies. The blinders I’ve had kept me from grasping this huge Gift of Grace from God. Sin does not own me–God does. I don’t go in and out of God’s Grace, I’m always in it! A footnote to Romans 5:14 states: “Death passes to all who are in Adam, life passes to all who are in Christ…God sees every person as in Adam or in Christ.”

God has seen me in Christ since I gave my life to him as a boy. Today I see myself in Christ more clearly than ever before! Thank You so much God, Jesus and Holy Spirit!

Fifteen years ago this month I retired from a career in education with my local school district. That had been 35 years with 2 of them teaching abroad. The reason for retiring when I did was to give opportunity for consulting in education. This has turned out to be a venture only God could provide. I’ve loved every minute of it. The very thought that I would be stepping into a venture of counseling during these past 50 years would have been dispelled immediately. I’ve often wondered about this profession, but a person like me just wasn’t fit to ever be called a counselor. TOO MUCH BAGGAGE! Only God can take such a person and such a past and turn it into an opportunity of hope.

As I’m wrapping up the 50 year commitment in education I can’t help but be reminded over and over of God’s faithfulness. Romans talks a good deal about Faith and its critical importance to our journey with God. Within faith is found trust and I think the reverse of this is also true. Both of these spiritual characteristics have grown immensely as I’ve been taking the steps into this new venture. God is so AMAZING!

Today I begin the closure to the consulting work with each of the schools and districts I’ve served. This will take place twice this week–today and tomorrow. On Thursday I will have the last day meeting with the consulting group I’ve worked with for the past several years. The meeting yesterday morning addressing the counseling start taking place this coming Friday afternoon went well. I am so grateful I get to start this work with someone who has years of experience and is a strong Christian. She is truly a GIFT from GOD.

Today’s devotional lesson is FAITH. Paul is talking about Faith in Romans as he has written this letter to the Christians of Rome. My devotional separated out the difference between small faith and great faith. It is only in great faith that one can find serenity in the midst of the storm. As I had reread my entry yesterday, I was reminded that this new venture is only as successful as my faith allows it to be. Fighting the anxiety is one thing, surrendering it–letting go of it is the great faith. In so doing I can be at peace during this preparation time. One of the questions I asked my mentor yesterday was about preparation for the counseling session. Her response was to prepare your mind and spirit by removing most of the questions you feel you need to ask and allowing the Holy Spirit to prompt the questions one should ask at the right moment. Trusting The Holy Spirit is KEY to GREAT FAITH! Wow, it is a lifetime lesson and well worth the learning.

Each day brings me one day closer to actually starting the new venture of counseling. This morning I am going to meet with the retired licensed counselor who will work with me as we begin this. This coming Friday afternoon we will meet with our first person. He has volunteered to be this first one. He knows me well and I know him well. I also know what he wants to address in counseling and I relate well to it. However, it will be great for me to simply witness this process through the work of an experienced Christian counselor.

I have to say that my anxiety builds as I face this new ministry. I know the truth and I fight the lies. The flesh in me wants to submit to the lies, yet, I know beyond any shadow of doubt God’s leading me so I surrender these lies to Him and listen for the still small voice of The Holy Spirit who says to Trust and Obey. This I want to do well.

As I was reading the first chapter of Romans this morning in the Passion Bible I thought I was reading an article about living in today’s world. What Paul was writing 2000 years ago is hugely prevalent and indicative of our society today. It was as though the Word was not only relevant, but alive. It was then that I was nudged to realize God is wanting me to believe not just the Word I was reading, but to also believe as strongly the very One who motivated man to write this Word.

The realities of being a new creation are growing within me. I believe much more and question less these past few months. But, God is now wanting me to quit trusting more and simply TRUST. The need to question at times is one thing–it brings clarity. But to doubt, as I’ve so readily done in my past to the point of walking away from His nudges, is what I am to face today. As I was journaling this morning Jesus was reminding me that not only is He on the throne of my life, His very Holy Spirit indwells me. I have full access to Him. However, He only acts if I choose to believe–Trust.

I love how faithful God is with His teaching. He just keeps bringing forth His lessons in meaningful ways so we can grow another anchoring root into HIs Kingdom living.