It was an enjoyable day yesterday. Last night we went out to dinner with close friends. She has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and has been quite fearful of treatment options. When Kathy and I were in Branson the week before I had found a necklace with a pendant which read–Fear Not (Isaiah 41:10). I had purchased it and we gave it to her last night. It was gratifying to see her response. She said she had wanted something to wear as a witness during all the treatment time, like the angel pin some wear. She said this fit her perfectly since she struggles with fear so often.
Thursday of this week I was asked by a consulting firm in Montana to do a monthly zoom session for their school administrators who are seeking help. The firm has consultants who work with teachers, but I’ve been their first to work with admin. I had already committed to do a session for their instructional coaches helping them know how to address some of the admin issues. This led to them wanting something more direct for the admin. I had told the caller that I’d have to ponder this and see what God says.
This morning I spent time asking God for clarity from Him about taking on this assignment. The first thing that hit my mind was, “Do you know what would need to be brought out in the monthly sessions?” For this question I simply said yes. I then heard in my mind, “Then what clarity do you need? The problem is not whether you could do this. The problem is tied to your identity. Do you believe you could do this?” When I heard this I knew immediately this is true. I’ve doubted this value all of my person all of my life. I’ve tried to create value, but nothing one does brings the value we already have in being a new creation. I’m not ready to say yes at this point, but I have a much clearer picture in my mind now as to what I must face in order to fully address the commitment.
Today Kathy and I celebrate 39 years of marriage. Attempting marriage again was a huge step for me and if it weren’t for some tremendous encouragement from my oldest sis I would likely have passed this opportunity to know what God had in store for the two of us. God knew Kathy was His choice to walk by my side and for me to walk by her side all the time looking to Him for leadership. I’m so very grateful I listened to God and to my sis!
Last night’s Celebrate Recovery experience was very rewarding. It is tough for anyone to hear the message that in order to be strong in recovery, we must first admit we are powerless to do anything about it on our own. It was rewarding and encouraging to hear the ones talk this message in our share group time. Some were new to the ministry so they were hearing this for the first time. Yet, in their sharing the message gave them genuine hope that they can do this knowing they must first admit and then trust our God to provide the Power we do not have.
This battle is already won in God’s realm. He waits for each of us to find this reality and then surrender the battle to Him. There are many more steps for us to take, but, this is the big one. It is the one that begins to let the Light of Jesus penetrate the darkness we have tried to fight on our own.
Tuesday evening I was looking at my emails to see the one our female ministry leader for Celebrate Recovery sends out. It read, “I am looking forward to hearing our lesson on “Powerless” this Thursday taught by Earnie”. I thought–did I sign up for this? I must have! Back in August we create the list of dates for testimonies and lessons for the coming year allowing those who want to participate in either category to sign up. I usually put the ones I commit to in my cell phone calendar. Well, this one I didn’t.
Since Tuesday night God has really been speaking to me about a much more thorough meaning of powerless than I’ve ever allowed myself to know. Throughout my childhood I learned that I was powerless to do anything about the abuse of dad, the abuse of my brother and the absence of support from mom. From this I had told myself I’d never let myself be a victim to any man again once I was free from home. This freedom would start for me in college–I thought. What did start in college was my hiding. Those years in my autobiography are called, “The Secret”. My power would come from no one finding out about my past when I was powerless. The world would know me as a confident person who was a teacher, a singer and a gardener.
One of the most fearful things I’ve done through Celebrate Recovery is allow myself to be powerless again. It was in therapy I faced this immense giant. I had to give up being a teacher, a singer, and a gardener to become a “new creation”. Little did I know that a new creation could still do teaching, singing and gardening. In the last 11 years God has been growing the seeds of surrender and understanding for me so that I now better know and understand the scripture II Corinthians 12:10: “…For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
My eyes were opened again this morning to another truth God is bringing out in the book of Romans. in the second chapter Paul is saying that we are judged according to the way we have judged others. This really hit home for me because those of us who have carried abuse in our background feel as though we have a “right to judge”. In fact, in the ministry of Celebrate Recovery one hears every so often something like, “Well, no wonder you feel the way you do.” Those words and others like them give a victim the mentality that I have permission to judge.
It has taken me most of my life to step out of judging dad. To stop judging him and to ask for forgiveness for this action of mine took many big steps. In my mind he deserved to be judged. But, Romans reminds me that God will take care of that–I don’t have to and I’m not suppose to. In fact, I will be judged the same way I want him judged. That is sobering!
Now that I am finally at this stage of forgiveness with dad I can and do see him as a victim of humanness and sin. God reminds me to look first to Him and then as I look at dad I do so through God’s lens rather than my own. Forgiveness is a huge step and for me it has taken most of my life. Yet, the result of forgiveness is a genuine freedom not found until it is completed. It is well worth the change of heart. I love God’s faithfulness to us. He truly is Faithful to the end.
As I began this morning with the reading of Romans, I was struck by words Joyce Meyers writes in the preface. She said she hoped more Christians would come to know and understand living day by day the way Paul describes in this book. I know a good deal about this book but her writing planted the seed in my mind to look for detail I haven’t caught before from God’s Light which shines through His Word.
The first finding was Paul’s statement that he wished those he was writing to could know what he knew and live in the confidence in which he lived. I have felt this way for the six men attending the Sunday morning class. I have lived through all of their confusion, anger and resentment, and finally found a tremendous peace which I’d not ever known. I pray for them to have this too. The second thing Paul writes is about living in complete faith without doubt. Satan is forever planting seeds of doubt and it is so easy to grab them and even begin to believe them. I did this for years and years. Today, I still have my moments. They don’t last long, but they still happen.
I am challenged to read Romans with confident faith that whatever Paul has been inspired to write will no longer be a hope, but a truth as I continue to grow in my walk with Jesus Christ. Living with doubt needs to be a characteristic of my past and not of my present or future. I see doubt much more clearly this morning. I want today to be focused on living without doubt, rejecting it and replacing it with faith. Thank you Jesus!
Yesterday we finished the chapter on Isolation in the Mending the Soul class. In a previous year I had written that I thought this chapter would be an easy one for me because I wasn’t isolating myself any longer. I had viewed isolation as meaning I kept my story to myself and did not talk about it with others. I was telling so I wasn’t isolating anymore. Well, the class brings out the truth that isolation is far bigger when we look how we isolate ourselves from God. We do this by “not trusting”, “not believing”, “ignoring nudges”. This list could get long, but this truth was one all of us in class need to address.
At the end of class one of the guys who is struggling most asked, “Where are scriptures that say God gave man choice?” He was referencing that I had mentioned several times that because God gave man choice and would not interfere with it, man had the opportunity to abuse. What God promised is that He would provide a way of escape. I struggled with this tremendously throughout my lifetime so I knew exactly where he was coming from with the question. However, I didn’t have any particular verse to give him. I just said I’d investigate this and get back to all of them through the week. Yesterday, before all the kids and grandkids came, I googled and found a listing of 59 verses addressing “choice”. I made a document of them and sent them out asking God to use His Word to help His kids to better trust Him.
Leading this class is a continual reminder of all the work God has done in my life. The freedom I have in Christ today is grounded in solid rock when before it was only grounded in a slim hope. God is helping these men move from this slim hope to a much greater trust they’ve not known. It is so touching to watch and participate in this transformation. How Good our God is!
It is very nice to be home. The journey to and from Missouri couldn’t have been nicer. We did experience a “gulley washer” of a rain storm our last day. Boy, living where we do in Idaho doesn’t even begin to show what a true rain storm can be like. I’ve known this term for most of my life, but we experienced one and so now I know why it is given this name.
The boy I mentioned yesterday did pull through his day nicely. God is so good!
Today we meet as a class of men addressing the abuse of our past through the curriculum of Mending the Soul. At first I felt guilty taking a week away from this. When I start something I like to keep my nose to the grindstone until the project is completed. However, God knows best. As I have been reflecting on this I realize a short break is actually good. There is so much to process in this class, it is actually a good thing to step away from moving forward and allow God’s Spirit to speak to us about parts we may have not gone deeply into as much as we should. I sure know the truth of this. I may open up regarding things in my past, but I quickly stuff them back down as soon as class is over. I try not to do this any longer, but I know this practice well. God is faithful however, and His Spirit will not let us keep them stuffed when doing so hinders our recovery.
The journey to Missouri and a little visit to Arkansas ends today as we head to the airport in an hour. Last night I thought I might skip writing this morning, but God had other plans. As I awoke and came to the little living room I found a message on my phone for a prayer request which is troubling. It represents a struggle which has been ongoing for some time now and children are involved. I said I would be praying which I already have done. The scenario takes me back to my own childhood. I wonder if there were those who knew to pray for me when I was a young boy? I know that God in His Almighty Being must have planted the seed in the hearts of my own grandma and maybe more. My grandma was such a prayer warrior. I pray for God’s intervention today for this boy who is facing a “giant” in his own life.
God is Good and I thank Him for this time in another part of His Creation where people love and serve Him.
Our last day in Branson has arrived. It has been a relaxing and enjoyable time being in this part of our country. Today we will go south into Arkansas to see if things change any as we enter into this state. It is fun to do a little exploring.
The focus of this morning’s devotion is bearing fruit. However, in so doing, remember that this ability to bear fruit stems right back to The Holy Spirit’s work in our life so the thanks goes to Him rather than to ourselves. We humans do have an ego and like to feel good about the work we do. However, it is a great reminder that bringing Glory to God is our sole purpose for living. I don’t ever want to forget this. I give thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him!
Sometimes the journey reaches a point where one needs to stop and check directions. I was contacted last night about taking some steps which I instantly felt as though I needed to act on them. However, just as quickly however, was a hesitance. Fortunately, Kathy said we would wait until tomorrow to take the steps due to the plan for today. So, I’m asking God for clarity about steps to take.
One of the very clear pictures one can see in the book of Acts is the direction The Holy Spirit gives when we choose to listen to Him. I am genuinely finding that the more I trust and believe in being the new creation Christ made me to be, the more I have confidence in listening to and obeying the nudges I sense from The Holy Spirit. I truly love and appreciate the fact that this Holy Spirit resides right in me. How amazing is this truth! It is for you and me if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord.
Earnie Lewis 