Totally surrendered. These two words have been what God is teaching me of late. In my own pride I’ve said to myself that I am surrendered to God’s Will. However, it has also been easy for me to back away from some things God has put before me. I tell myself that I am already doing much for God (in my own mind) so He won’t care that much if I say no to this one thing. Boy, doesn’t that sound like man and his thinking?

In the past few days God has been challenging me to fully commit and remove this negotiating from my behaviors. Jesus didn’t negotiate his behaviors with His Father and God doesn’t want me/us to do it either. In fact, the only time Jesus attempted to negotiate (in the garden when He prayed that God would remove this death from him) He then said, “Not my will but Thine be done.” These are the words I have told God many times but I am quick to question it if I am fearful or unsure.

Trusting God fully has been a huge lesson which life is not done teaching me. What trusting God looks like is total commitment each and every day. Today, I’ve made my commitment. Tomorrow, well, I’ll need to do it again.

Yesterday was one of those day where I felt as though I was in a whirlwind which kept me refocusing on this and then that and then back to this again. In all of it I felt like doors were opening which had been closed until right then. Some of this had to do with the consulting I do and then the other had to do with my youngest daughter wanting to relocate where she and her family live. By the end of the day I had a splitting headache even though all of the whirling had been positive. I couldn’t sleep last night due to all of it.

This morning I brought it all to Jesus as I journaled. As I was writing out all that happened and my feelings I found myself seeing Christ walk away from the crowd and from His disciples to “sup with His Father”. Instead of getting up to spend time with God last night, I stewed and pondered. I did pray but the prayers were mostly like pleading for clarity. This morning I’ve been able to praise Jesus and His Spirit. I’ve surrendered the details to THEM. Even at my grandpa age I am very human. God is showing me what total surrender is like and how to turn my humanness over to Him. It is not a sin to be human and have a headache. However, a new creation quickly knows when to walk away and sup with the Father so He can give His Light.

I am ready for today and Jesus is at the helm. Thank you Jesus!

This morning’s continued reading in Ezekiel ties so meaningfully into yesterday’s blog. In Ezekiel 37 God is telling him to command that the dry bones take life and spirit. In so doing these meaningless objects were given life with purpose.

As I was reading this I was envisioning everyone of us who comes to Celebrate Recovery and the scores of others who haven’t yet come. We see ourselves as “worthless dry bones”. We wish we had some purpose, but we are filled with the fear that if purpose were given to us we would just blow it as we have done so many times before. Yet, when each one of us takes our first step and then the next and so on, we find that God is beginning to knit our bones together and breathe new life (hope) into us. At some point in time, even when we don’t realize, purpose for others begins to happen. People we don’t even know are watching, are getting hope for themselves by seeing new life breathed into us. God is using our mess to create a hopeful message for someone else.

I find it so incredible that over and over God is taking the dry bones of our lives and giving purpose and meaning to them. He truly DOES make us into a new creation. This process of taking what was lifeless and giving not only life, but life with vigor and purpose makes me tear up all over again. Our God is absolutely WONDERFUL. How much I love Him!

As I started my devotions this morning I was asking Jesus what He wanted me to know today? It was as though He were right here saying it is time for me to trust His Holy Spirit. In trusting Him, I needed to heed His every call and surrender anything which would hinder me from surrendering something. His Words were: “Let Him have His Way with thee”. Those words bought to memory the old hymn I hadn’t heard since my teen/college years. They are:

Let Him Have His Way With Thee

1. Would you live for Jesus, and be always pure and good?
   Would you walk with Him within the narrow road?
   Would you have Him bear your burden, carry all your load?
   Let Him have His way with thee.
   • Refrain:
     His pow’r can make you what you ought to be;
     His blood can cleanse your heart and make you free;
     His love can fill your soul, and you will see
     ’Twas best for Him to have His way with thee.
2. Would you have Him make you free, and follow at His call?
   Would you know the peace that comes by giving all?
   Would you have Him save you, so that you need never fall?
   Let Him have His way with thee.
3. Would you in His kingdom find a place of constant rest?
   Would you prove Him true in providential test?
   Would you in His service labor always at your best?
   Let Him have His way with thee.

As I did my scripture reading God was having Ezekiel tell the Israelites one more time about Him giving them a “new heart” in Ezekiel 36: 26-27. With all God’s work of late I truly related to Joyce Meyers comments: “…The new heart God gives is one that desires to love and be involved with people….” “…God gives us His Spirit and only because of His Spirit within us can we obey God and His Word. The Holy Spirit, Who dwells in us, strengthens us and enables us to do the will of God….”

As the journey continues with Jesus at the helm, surrender grows and the desire to surrender all grows greater and greater because Trusting and Believing are no longer Hope, but Truths.

Happy Father’s Day! There is something that keeps coming to me each morning as I have my devotions which I haven’t spoken/written. A tremendous hurdle victims of abuse face is trusting God. I’ve skirted around the topic numerous times and talked about hating God, etc. But, in reality, the topic of trusting God is huge. I’ve always known God is eternal and that when I get to heaven with Him, I will be too. That much has never been a struggle for me. It is this earthly life and the fact that God gave man such freedom to choose that makes many abused victims question trust in this God of ours.

As our men get deeper into the curriculum of our Mending the Soul class, this topic of trust becomes more verbally spoken. I recall when I went through my divorce in 1979 a saintly lady in our church wrote me the kindest letter. She said that God must love me dearly to allow me to hurt the way I had been hurt. At the time I thought that was such a bizarre statement. Yet, I hung onto it because the lady who wrote it was one I respected greatly. Today, I realize what she meant.

When I hear the men say the things I use to say I want God to take care of those scars/deep wounds right now so they don’t need to hurt and believe such lies. However, I’ve learned to trust God’s healing process and to not question it. God doesn’t “fix” as I would try to do, He HEALS. And, with the healing He provides deep understanding as to His reason for giving man such freedom to choose. If God didn’t give full choice to man, man would turn around and say, “Well, that God of ours just manipulated me into ‘loving him'”. God didn’t manipulate me into any of this truth. He has patiently led me to it over many, many years. Today, I choose to BELIEVE & TRUST!

Almost 7 months ago my sis just older than me had a stroke which left her unable to continue to work and has completely changed her life. She has two sons who live close enough to her that they have stepped in and become her right-hand men. The older one has been there with her each and every day since she was able to move back home. Her home has sold and today she moves into a senior apartment. There is 6 months of details I could add to this but truth be known, each one of us is a human with a fragile life which we cannot determine its outcome. Yes, we can certainly determine much of what we do during this lifetime, but the deterioration of our flesh is not in our control. I love this sis of mine. She has been my cheerleader throughout my life. We talk several times a week and now it is my turn to cheer her on. She is only two years older than me so we have fully lived through one another’s lives and the events of them.

I thank God for Bonnie and I thank God for her sons–especially her older one who could manipulate his own schedule to be his mom’s number one caretaker. The beautiful part of this too is that his wife and daughter have been right along side of him throughout these past seven months giving all the support possible and never complaining about the sacrifices needing to be made. This is all a testament of a Godly family unit. Boy, do I thank God for it!

Well, anyone present to hear the testimony last night at Celebrate Recovery would say, “Wow, that young man is a genuine example of God’s handiwork!” It was one of the finest, if not the finest testimony I’ve ever witnessed. It is never easy to sit in the share group following the testimony and listen to the ways God used your story to give insights to another. At least it is never easy for me. This young man said he wanted to leave so he didn’t have to witness this part, yet it is a real confirmation of God doing the work and man being obedient to His leadership and to The Holy Spirit’s nudges. This young man has an entire life ahead of him. I look forward to watching how God continues to develop him and use him.

Our God is AMAZING and we get to take part with Him as we surrender and obey.

Yesterday turned out to be one with great learning. I went to see my prayer warrior. It was to be an hour but turned into two. She is such a Godly woman with tremendous insights from God’s Word. She helps clarify so much for me. She reminded me that praise is to always start our prayers to God. Praise shows trust/faith, even if it is only the faith of a mustard seed. God inhabits our praise. I needed that reminder. I always start my journaling with notes of praise but by the time I begin my prayer time I forget this key and I go right into needs–not today. I’ve put my praise reminder at the top of my prayer list now and it is in red.

Today one of our young men will be giving his testimony for Celebrate Recovery. He is coming so far in his walk and development of Godly wisdom. I really look forward to not only hearing it tonight, but to also see how God will use the message to touch others’ lives. I sent him a message this morning encouraging him as I know he will be nervous and will already be. It is a joy to be part of one’s journey and get to witness the continuous healing and growing God does in one’s life. Then, to witness the one giving back to God by sharing the journey’s steps for the sake of someone else’s needs. Our GOD is so GOOD!

This morning’s devotional time has brought about some clarity I asked Jesus about when I first started to journal. I asked Jesus when I would finally quit having to deal with the lies of my abuse? Lies such as: one cannot ever overcome, one cannot ever be Christ-like, you’re just a sinner so get use to it, pornography will always haunt you because you’re just one of them. These thoughts not only haunt me but they are the ones I hear when our men come together in class. They are also ones the men at Celebrate Recovery often say.

In my devotional reading Charles Spurgeon says it is a sin to question (disbelieve) the promises of God that He gives us in scripture. His exact words are, “Banish any unbelieving fears, for they bring great dishonor to God….” As I continued my scripture reading in Ezekiel I read more about what God was telling him regarding the punishment the Jews were experiencing due to turning their backs to God’s leadership and following their own desires. In Ezekiel 22:30 it says, “And I sought a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the gap for Me….” Joyce Meyers writes. “God is looking for people today who will ‘stand in the gap’ for others just as He was in Ezekiel’s time.”

My questions to God this morning were answered in a very meaningful way. First, banish my unbelieving fears and stand in the gap prayerfully for others who struggle with their own unbelieving fears. Joyce concludes her writing by saying, “Then you will be a blessing to them, and you will make much faster progress toward the fulfillment of your destiny.” Second, it is very important that I stay honest with my struggles telling the ones I trust so they can stand in the gap for me. Lastly, it is also equally important that I ask what the struggles are for others so I may stand in the gap for them. This is James 5:16 in action, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Summer is only 5 days away and with it my trips to school districts is ending for the year. I go to one at noon today and I believe that will be the last for a few weeks. It is nice to have the time to just be home and take care of yard and garden. There are some random workshops in the summer, but they will primarily be ones done at home. That’s nice!

Last night Kathy and I were able to connect with friends who live about 25 miles away. We hadn’t been together since the pandemic started. It was so good to spend the evening with them and get caught up on one another’s lives as well as our families. He is a pastor and was the first man I ever told about my past. At the time they lived 400 miles away so I felt safe in telling him. If he shunned me it wouldn’t matter. I only saw them once a year anyway. He didn’t know any of “my friends in Idaho”. Instead, he gave me a couple of books to read which helped frame some lies I’d thought were truths about myself. I was in my earlier 30’s at this time. A few years later I entered into the first counseling I began having.

As I reflect momentarily on this I’m reminded just how far God has brought me from that first night of sharing. Wow, our God is so GOOD!