Yesterday was a blessed day. The church service was excellent and the step study which followed was a wonderful expression of man growing in his walk with God our Father. In the afternoon our two local kids and families came for a family potluck. We have begun to do this once a month starting yesterday. I was able to talk with my daughter about this personality profile. She added a good deal of clarity and depth to what I had frustrated over. I found she was wanting to also talk about her own frustrations so it turned into a very healthy moment in time which God used for both of us.

Awakening to being a “new creation” is a lifetime event I’m finding. Even though I had become a new creation at a young age, I lived in my old self being unable to let him go. Even after I “let him go” I’ve lived in the intermission of him and the new creation. It seems as though the new birth of being a new creation is finally growing into one who now needs to know who he is to the One who created him. This brings out the faith/trust I wrote about yesterday.

This morning God gave me a verse while I was reading in the Psalms. It comes from 91:1, “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [whose power no foe can withstand].” I’ve known this verse for years but today a different person read it with new understanding. Before, when I read it, I was trying to take the prisoner to this secret place. The prisoner came to hopefully find freedom in this secret place. Today, knowing the prisoner had been set free years ago, came to the secret place and found peace knowing The Almighty protects this secret place. There is no burden or temptation which can overtake us when we trust The Almighty knowing it is His Power who protects and conquers, not mine.

The meeting I said would take place yesterday afternoon did happen. We met for a couple hours talking through why all of this seemed so fearful to me. It was very helpful to simply get the anxiety spoken and out of my head. During the two hours we were together I could simply feel myself relaxing. It almost became funny to have let something like this take momentary control of oneself. I’ve spent so much of my life working to “not be”, it just didn’t occur to me that I already was created “to be”.

This morning’s devotional by Charles Spurgeon added another layer of wisdom for me. He talked about “great faith”. He brings out how important great faith is. Jesus only uses the term two times in scripture. One of the times was with the Roman centurion and the other was with the Canaanite woman. These are found in Matthew 8:10 and 15:28. Spurgeon said having little faith can be like having a chariot to ride in but without wheels. When we need to flee a situation or temptation we do so by dragging our chariot base with great burden. If we would simply put wheels on the chariot we can flee easily. Putting wheels on the chariot is a demonstration of great faith.

I asked God this morning to help me put wheels of faith on my belief. I want to be a man of great faith knowing there is nothing He won’t help us to overcome as long as our faith in Him is GREAT. He is GREAT so why have I questioned this for so long? Mark 9:24 says in part, “…I believe, help thou my unbelief.” God is doing just that!

Today I feel wide awake to God’s truth that I am a new creation. My first jubilant celebration is that I’m not my dad and my second one is that I am not my brother. I am a new creation. For the past couple of years my two oldest kids have been talking about a personality assessment which is called Enneagram. They have studied it a good deal and have come up with a “possible definition” for me. I had bought the book but had loaned it to my oldest grandson who read what he wanted and kept forgetting to return it. I finally got it back a couple weeks ago. I began to read it and kept getting more and more fearful from the reading. I kept seeing family members I didn’t want to be like such as dad. There were also the weaknesses of each type which I struggled to read. I found myself lost in the dilemma finally knowing I’m not the old self I feared, but how can I ever be who I was created to be? How can I be comfortable being who God created? Is anyone comfortable with who they are?

I finally called my sponsor and asked if we could get together this weekend. He’s coming over this early afternoon. I’m not sure what the outcome of this will be, but I need to process all of this out loud with someone “I trust” as in yesterday’s scripture I quoted in the blog. All of this may sound crazy to some readers, but it is the reality of my journey for this current time. I know God is wanting me to work through this so I can trust who He made me to be. I’ll have another report tomorrow.

Last night was Celebrate Recovery. Our prayer warrior is having her 90th birthday a week from today so Lois’ daughter had me video several of the people having them wish her mom a happy birthday. We all sang to her when we had worship. It just made my heart happy to do this. I wish I could be a “mouse in the corner” when she is watching all of these folks on video. We will also be videoing folks Sunday morning to add to the surprise.

Last night’s lesson for CR was CONFESS. It continued to add to the message God is keeping in front of me. Obedience to God takes continual “confession to ourselves, to God and to someone we trust.” This is step 5 from the 12 steps. It is accompanied with the scripture, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16.

This morning as I was journaling about all of this and its impact on me, Jesus reminded me that this is truly what He has been try to teach me all along. The Self-love, self-appreciation and self-confidence comes from this type of obedience. When God says to love our neighbor as ourselves in Mark 12:31, He wants us to hold ourselves accountable in the same way He wants us to support one another. If we do this, our neighbor can likewise hold us accountable. We join God as a team loving one another as God has pointed out–but it all starts with CONFESS. Great lesson for me and for each of us.

Today I finished the journal I’ve been using. When this happens I always go back to the start of it to see where I was in my recovery as it began. I then go to the middle of it to check the progress at that point. We are taught to do this in Celebrate Recovery and it has proven to be a good way to celebrate and to set goals. The journal started the end of last May so the pandemic was well into its influence. As I turned to the middle I found where we were able to start CR again in the early fall and I was able to restart the step study for men. There were 9 of us at that point. There are 5 of us now and we finish in two more weeks. It was a great time to reflect on the progress all have including me.

My post yesterday about obedience is truly where God is wanting me to stay focused. I use to wish/hope for the day when all temptation was gone, obedience was easy and following God was “a piece of cake”. Little did I know or realize how strong the flesh is and how selfish it is. I knew what it looked like from dad, I just never wanted it to be true for me. Yet, it is. Obedience is like all other recovery items–one day at a time/one moment at a time. It has taken me a long time to accept this as truth. I want to live in the reality of obedience rather than in the hope of it. The truth of one day at a time makes it far more possible knowing my flesh is just like everyone else–selfish and needing surrendered.

This morning I awoke 30 minutes later than I had intended. I’d set the alarm before going to bed but neglected to turn it on. That hasn’t happened very often for me. I am usually awake ahead of the alarm and most days I don’t set it. Well, anyway, life is going to be just fine!

The reality that I’m no longer hoping to be a new creation is real. I am a new creation is true and the struggle to believe this is anchored in God’s truth and not my fragile hope. The message which continues to come before me now is one of consistent, immediate obedience. God’s Holy Spirit awaits this obedience. My devotions keep talking about it. In my lifetime I’ve truly wanted to be an obedient servant to God. But, I can go down the list of times when I took charge of “when and if” I did obey. I had my own boundaries around where I’d step. My faith/trust was too often in my court and not in God’s.

Today I find God wanting me to fully trust. This is what a new creation is taught to do. I find this message to be so humbling and yet filled with Strength–God’s Strength. As a child I thought I needed to be strong so that the ways of dad and my brother didn’t become “my ways”. God has lifted my eyes more fully to Him for He wants me to be strong in His Ways. This can only happen through obedience to His Way–His Holy Spirit’s nudges. Trust & Obey, the old hymn says, “Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to Trust and Obey.”

Sometimes on this journey of life we get awakened to a reality which is completely unexpected. This happened for me last night. Last Sunday morning our quartet sang a song right before the message was given. We had chosen this particular one because of its direct application to the sermon being given. I wrote about it that morning in my blog. I was asked to speak to the song ahead of its being sung because the title is confusing–God Doesn’t Care. I was even complimented several times by different ones about the effectiveness of the words used and the effectiveness of the song itself to ones who have struggled with their value to God. Even in choir practice last night a lady spoke up and thanked the quartet for its song Sunday morning. The choir applauded.

I was asked to stay for a moment at the end of choir along with one other from the quartet. We were told that the song was offensive to someone/s in the congregation. God Does Care about our sins and what they are this voice expressed. Even though I’d tried to establish this foundation ahead of the song’s delivery, it was missed by some. We all know that God deeply cares about sin. That’s why He sent His Only Son. The one talking to me said that when the Spirit of God is working, know that the spirit of evil is also at work trying to cripple God’s work.

I’m glad to be brought to this level of clarity. I had prayed for God’s Spirit to touch those in need with this song’s message. I have lived a lifetime of believing I needed to somehow earn enough points with God so I’d finally be good enough for God to care for me. There were scores of people who did respond to this message in the congregation and in the streaming of it. However, I never thought to pray for the evil one to be checked. This is my wake up. I pray even now that for the Light of Jesus to penetrate to the heart and Satan’s deception will be seen for the lie it is. God is the Victor!

I love writing March 1st! Even if winter seems to be hovering, it is spring in my heart. It won’t be long now until the warmth of the sun and the length of the sun-lit day brings forth the beauty of the earth. This is truly where I find much happiness. My gratitude to God cannot be enough in just words!

I’ve been addressing the Psalms as any reader would already know. I’ve realized how much of them I’ve simply overlooked. I haven’t wanted the emotional needs they express to be about me. God has certainly been awakening me to this. I have emotional needs just as everyone else does. It is time to admit this and allow the salve of the Psalms to penetrate these needs and be a balm to them. Every morning of late I find tremendous insights into God and me as I’ve been awake to this reality I’ve denied.

I’ve been on this journey of mine for 70 years. Little did I know how deeply the wounds of my childhood would restrict God’s beauty in this tremendous book called Psalms. As a child I’m sure I needed the shield of protection from the emotional wounds of Dad and my brother. However, God is genuinely wanting me to fully let them go and better see Him working through the emotionally based being He created. It seems odd to be writing this at my age, but it is the right thing for me to be doing. God is never done bringing us back to Him.

I found out yesterday that one of the teachers who had taught for me for 20+ years has died. Then this morning I had a prayer request that a gentleman I’ve known and sang for their wedding has passed during the night. This always makes me realize just how fragile our life truly is. The hope of Jesus Christ and eternity becomes extremely real the older we get and I am there.

Today our quartet is singing for worship in the first church service. We are also singing a special number entitled: God Doesn’t Care. I’m asked to introduce the song to the congregation. I had introduced it to our quartet a couple of years ago. The words are so powerful. The title makes one think that God doesn’t give a rip! However, the words of the song make it clear that it is the darkest, deepest sin secrets we carry are all covered by the blood of Jesus. God doesn’t care how awful we feel about our sins, He has forgiven them if we only turn to His Son Jesus asking Him to forgive us.

Today I also bring to our step study the introduction to writing one’s testimony. We are about to conclude this study and so it is time to give them the opportunity to give back to the ministry by writing their testimony and giving it on a Thursday night. There is nothing that brings more anxiety than the thought of doing this, but, once one had done it, one realizes how much God will use our mess as His message when we give Him the opportunity to do so. God Doesn’t Care–He takes all of our messes and turns them into hope for another struggler when we allow Him to do this.

Listen to this verse in Psalms 68:28–“Your God has commanded your strength [your might in His service and impenetrable hardness to temptation]; O God, display Your might and strengthen what You have wrought for us!” Even though I’d read this yesterday and had underlined it, I didn’t catch the significance of it until I reread it this morning asking God to let me hear Him as I read His Word. This time I heard Him. The truth that God has commanded my strength in His service and commanded my strength in all the impenetrable hardness to temptation just makes me feel empowered. This morning God has completed this within me. I can’t explain it other than this. God’s Work is miraculous–one just knows when it is done. I thank You Father God!