The weight of sin on each one of us can be so subtle that we don’t know it is there. This is what I’ve been experiencing for the past several weeks as I’ve been doing this book study I’ve mentioned numerous times. Once again, it is: I Give You Authority, by Charles Kraft. This book was suggested to me by my spiritual mentor/prayer warrior. The author’s main purpose in writing it is to help the reader not only know that Satan’s demons are real, what they do is real and what they do in society today is still as real as it has been since creation.

Recently, what I’ve been reading has exposed the beliefs I’ve had about God’s creation of dad, my bother Rich and myself. I’ve never gone there in my thinking nor has any counseling session taken me to this point. My abuse from them started before conscious memory began for me which has left me with an insecurity about who I am and why I was created. Even though I’ve forgiven them for the years of abuse, if I saw their faces in my mind, it always triggered the memories of abuse. Yesterday’s meeting with my friend brought out the ugliness of this and the bondage it had on me. God has been helping me to to not only love myself and appreciate myself, but He has been steadily helping me to have confidence in myself. So, in yesterday’s meeting I was able to address the bondage called “lack of confidence”. As I addressed the truth of this bondage in me and saw it as a tightly closed closet within me, I was able to open the door on which Christ was knocking. The demon had to flee in Christ’s presence and I am free today. I am free to see Rich as my brother and to see dad as my dad. Yes, they sinned, but Christ forgave them of this. Now I no longer have the weight of their sin upon me–Praise God!

I don’t think I’ve ever written so late in the morning. The man I usually meet with Thursday am came today right as I was starting to write this. I now know why God wanted me to wait in writing it as He wanted me to recognize more of His Work before hand. God’s promises are SO TRUE–as though anything God says isn’t true! Knowing the truth, believing the truth and trusting it in all areas of my life have taken a lifetime and a long lifetime for me. No matter–I am just so grateful to finally see the cleansing blood of Jesus cleaning every aspect of me. In so doing, it is also helping me to see and know my brother and my dad as genuine human beings who struggled with aspects of living their own lives. Instead, until now, l have seen them as abusers who were human. God is so AMAZING and I keep seeing more and more ways that this is true!

I am no theologian, but this morning’s devotional time took me into what I believe would be a theological moment. As I’ve written a couple days ago, I’m reading through Leviticus and journaling the promises of God as I find them. Today I was reading about the blood sacrifices and their purposes in chapter 17. It was there that I read a reference to Genesis 2:7 when God breathed the breath of life into Adam after he was created. Adam was already alive at the moment, but the breath of life which God breathed into him was the breath of eternal life–God’s Spirit. The created body of Adam now carried the life of God in its blood flow. This is what separated him from the animal kingdom. This is also why Christ’s shed blood on the Cross was so important for you and me. Adam’s blood was polluted when he sinned. Christ’s blood was not.

I have never pictured in my mind the truth about this blood sacrifice and the blood’s importance to me (each of us). What really took me back for a moment was that I have the life blood of Jesus flowing through me cleansing and nourishing every part of me. This body of mine which I’ve struggled with all of my life has the continuous cleansing blood flowing through it! This body of mine which I’ve always viewed as abused and tarnished throughout has been cleansed completely and I today can see it this way! Is this theology? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I AM CLEAN by the blood of the LAMB–JESUS CHRIST! What a revelation of truth!

Today’s lesson for me is simple, but profound. Yesterday I spent the day with a consultant working with a district I serve. Today I will be with her again and tomorrow also. We spend time after observing instruction to analyze what we see so we better offer what is needed for the staff. The human reasoning is always at work. So, what does this have to do with my lesson of today? In my devotional reading it focused on the difference between human reasoning and spiritual obedience. In the world of flesh we try to use our reasoning skills to better prepare for today and tomorrow. In our spiritual world we don’t usually know, if ever we do, what God is going to have us do if we are obedient to His Spirit’s nudge/s. Reasoning often gets in the way of our simple obedience, at least it sure does for me.

This seems like a simple lesson to put into place, but…. The devotional went onto say that following our obedience we are able to discern what obedience allowed to take place. Obedience coupled with faith/trust is key. A simple lesson, but so profound.

It is amazing to read God’s Word from the perspective of living today rather than to know about what took place so many thousand years ago. Today in Leviticus God was giving Moses directions for the Israelites about eating. Following the directions there was another promise which is found in Leviticus 11:45. It says in part, “…therefore you shall be holy for I am holy.” Not only did God promise from yesterday’s reading that the glory of God would appear to all of them, He now tells them they will be holy because He is holy.

These promises of old are not dead promises. In fact, they are even more accessible for us today because of Jesus Christ and His promised gift of The Holy Spirit. I don’t just want to know this, I then want to believe it and lastly to live it out day by day in how I live each day. These promises, for which I am only starting to see are real for me, are right here for you and me. It is as though blinders are being lifted from my eyes. I love this! Thank you Jesus!

As I was journaling this morning I was telling Jesus that the Old Testament I’m reading through has so many rules and regulations. Since they don’t really apply to today since Jesus did His supreme sacrifice, do I need to reread them again? I was nudged to instead look for God’s promises in His Word. So here I am reading in Leviticus and right in the chapter I started in I saw Leviticus 9:6 “…The Lord will appear to you.” and then in the same chapter, Leviticus 9:23, “…and the glory of the Lord appeared to all the people.” I felt nudged to take a small notebook and begin to write down the promises God gives man throughout the Old Testament.

Things weren’t working out for today the way I’d hoped they would. I wrote yesterday about the meeting with the pastors which only one was coming. I’m still going to meet with him later this morning. I had one other meeting I’d hoped could take place this morning which wasn’t materializing either. I write this and realize just how much I want each day to go my way instead of walking into each day wanting to go God’s Way.

When we do God’s Will He will appear to us and after we do God’s Will His Glory appears to us as is promised in Leviticus 9. God’s Word is AMAZING! I’m glad to have my eyes opened to a greater learning.

This new week begins. Tomorrow I’m to meet with the pastors in the neighboring town to see if there is interest in beginning the joint Celebrate Recovery from their churches. We met with them a month ago and planted the seed for this. I heard yesterday from the lady who is hosting the location for the meeting that only one pastor is planning to be there. I want to jump ahead and translate this into my meaning which isn’t a good one. However, as I had my devotions this morning it was clear that I’m to move forward without my expectation. This is God’s Work for which He has me doing mine–obeying. I can’t interpret God’s timing and I sure can’t know the future He is planning. What I can do is obey for today and I know this is what He is wanting of me.

God is such a GOOD GOD. I want to please Him by obeying as the day begins and continue throughout the day. In reading Leviticus 5-9 this morning I read that Moses sacrificed the ram to purify his brother Aaron and Aaron’s sons. In so doing Moses put the ram’s blood on the tip of the right ear, the tip of the right finger and the tip of the big, right toe. Joyce Meyer writes that this is to signify that they would hear God’s voice, do what He asks and go where He wants them to go. We are to do the same for the blood of Jesus Christ was shed for us. I loved this clarity she provided. This is obedience. This is my assignment.

I realized in writing the above date that today would have been my parents 93th wedding anniversary. That alone ought to let someone know they are getting old!

I have mentioned several times the book, I Give You Authority. I awoke last night and couldn’t sleep. It seemed I needed to get up and address some lingering, deep issues. The chapter is entitled, Past, Present, Future; which my friend and I will be addressing this coming week. By now I can so easily see what the author is talking about when he addresses the secret places within us and how these places are homes to an evil spirit or to more than one. God has been showing me through this time of reading that some beliefs I’ve had do not need to be held onto any longer. I’ve already address the belief of unworthiness recently. It was time to address some of intimacy. I know what I’m writing can be controversial to folks living in a culture as our own where things like evil spirits are poo-pooed. I believe that alone is one of Satan’s biggest lies he wants man to believe.

Intimacy is a huge topic and SO personal. However, the three things my prayer warrior told me are huge in this topic: self-love, self-appreciation and self-confidence. It is time for me to be intimate with myself so I can be intimate with others the way Christ modeled–“…to love others as I love myself”. All I know is this is where God has me. I thanked Him for this as I had my devotions this morning. I trust HIM and will obey HIM.

Yesterday ended a 3 day marathon of on-line meetings. Yes, these meetings are a nice way to get information out to folks eliminating the need to be face to face, but it is still a lot of sitting. Now that I write this, I recall thinking how much I had to sit when I’m in a face to face meeting. It isn’t about the on-line, it is all about the number of meetings and the length of them. OK, I have this squared away now!

Yesterday afternoon when the meetings were done I had a message in messenger from a student I had several years ago. He wanted to know if I’d share my phone number which I did. He called me last night and we talked for almost an hour. I found it amazing and saddening that he is going through a tough time. When I told him I relate to his hurt he asked me how I’d know? I briefly told him my background and why I am so involved in recovery ministry. He said he was afraid to share his story for fear it would be told to others. I assured him that in the 12 years of working with recovery I’d never heard once of someone sharing another’s story. The agreement that “what’s shared in the room stays in the room” is kept. No man shares his story with the hope it gets told publicly. He will hopefully come to tomorrow’s step study class. God is always working with us. How grateful I am to be a part of His Kingdom. I now pray this young man will follow through and will face his fears tomorrow and come. To God be the GLORY!

Self-love, self-appreciation, self-confidence. With so much self in these three terms, I would cringe writing this only a couple weeks ago. However, when you write these terms from God’s perspective, He wants us to know these three are a strong definition of what is meant by Christ’s words in Mark 12:30-31: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” If we truly love ourselves as Christ says, we have these three characteristics. It is not arrogant to possess these unless this is interpreted through the lens of man thinking all of this is about man. I have struggled all of my live trying to avoid ever thinking about these characteristics because of the condemnation I received from my dad any time I received an honor from doing something well. However, I’m now learning these characteristics are a natural state when we are obedient to God’s nudges through His Holy Spirit within us. When we see the good which comes from obedience it is not arrogant to sense the gratification. The confidence isn’t arrogant, but instead, it is knowing well the God we serve and trusting fully in Him to be the power to accomplish what He has put before us.

The inner voice of condemnation is gone. I haven’t heard it for over a week now and yet I’ve seen God working through efforts He puts before me. The kickoff of our Celebrate Recovery last night was a good example. One man told me that my passion to serve God has motivated him to do the same. He desires now to serve God passionately. He said he use to think that was “dumb”, but not anymore.

God is so AMAZING! What an honor and a gift it is to serve Him.