Between yesterday and today I have had such a heaviness for family. My sis Bonnie in California is back in the hospital. They don’t know if she had a seizure, stroke or something else, but she had been down for many hours before she was found by her older son. I talked to all of them last night a couple of times and it is yet to be determined. One of my nephews is headed to Portland today for his stem-cell transplant this coming Friday. He is admitted into the hospital tomorrow for the preparations. My sister in law is going into the hospital tomorrow here locally for a growth in her upper colon/lower intestines. A friend’s dad died over the weekend and another friend is in Reno having breast cancer treatment. All of these very close to me are needing assurance that God is their Comforter and Healer.

For a moment this morning I needed God to remind me He Is GOD. He did just that! He is not only God, but He is also my dearest Friend who lives within me and around me. This isn’t just true for me but it is true for everyone of my family members, friends and all others who have invited Him into their lives. What a wonderful assurance and comfort this is. Today, I TRUST in our ALMIGHTY GOD!

The trip is done and I got home last night a little before 1:00 am. It was a whirlwind, but very profitable. All day long yesterday I kept thinking about what God has been revealing about flesh-living vs spirit-living as Paul talks about in Galatians. The superintendent and secondary principal are both Christians desiring to live fully devoted to God’s leadership in their lives. As I was modeling how to conduct a difficult conversation with a teacher who doesn’t want to change how they teach to better reach their students, I simply let go of my old need to have a list of questions I’d created ahead of time to ask. I simply relied on the questions that came to me as the teacher and I conversed. The principal and vice principal took notes while this happened. I knew when I was finished because I felt my mind and spirit relax. The seeds for the need of change had been planted and now it is time for them to be given opportunity to grow.

As I reflected with the principal about the process of confrontational conversations, she asked where my questions and responses originated? She went on to say she needed a list to work from. She had taken notes on what had been said, but where is my list? I assured her I use to work from a list, but I am learning to trust God’s Spirit to provide His questions I should be asking and the responses He wants given. My biggest step has been learning to trust God’s Spirit and to surrender my need to have my “flesh ready”–my mind.

There is one more discovery I’m finding about this surrender of flesh. God is in all aspects of our living. I use to do my church work to please God hoping He would also help me in my secular work and would find me worthy of His help because I’d done this and that for Him at church. This wouldn’t necessarily be in the forefront of my mind, but when I came upon difficult situations at work, I’d remind God I’d tried to be faithful to Him so would He help me out. Only now am I becoming much more awake to God’s Spirit working wherever He places me. It is humbling and so gratifying to begin to understand this.

It has been quite a while since I’ve needed to improvise on my day-to-day living preparations. But, now having my luggage delivered yesterday so I could change my clothes and actually prepare with the things I’m used to having, makes me realize how good we have it here in America. The messed-up day I had Wednesday can be let go.

I’m reading in Galatians now for my Bible reading. Today has been chapters 2 & 3. In it, Paul is teaching them that to live for God we must learn to let go of living in the flesh and making decisions in the flesh thinking we are doing God’s will in this fashion. It struck me just how often I do this. I may think I’m living for God, but every time I get frustrated with the way something is going it is then that I can realize the frustration is about my doing the work in my own thinking rather than relying on The Holy Spirit’s nudges and obeying them. The frustrations of Wednesday were only frustrations because of my own flesh. God knew I was going to still be doing the work He had laid out for this trip. I still needed to simply rely on my faith in Him. It has been exactly that too as I spent my time here. Today I will finish with the last school and close the day with the superintendent before heading back to the airport. I’m going to purposefully do it in more faith than I have before. Spirit-filled living is truly all about living by faith and learning to let go of flesh is the huge step I’m still learning.

The journey has taken a different path for the moment. My flight yesterday had an engine problem so 7 hours later I was placed on a different flight. My bag had been checked on the other flight leaving my toiletries and devotional stuff clothes and coat. It is 20 degrees this am. I did get a call at 12:30 am that my bag arrived at the airport and they bring it today at some point. My hearing aids are in it too! So much for hearing kids today🙃. I’m praying all will come together no matter the obstacles. These are actually minor compared to what life often gives. I’ll praise God no matter what.

Today the journey takes me to Montana to the school district I’m with there once a month for 3 days. It is quite early so I’m only posting that I will have more to add when I write tomorrow morning. I want to say that God is truly working on me to know that when He promises to have His Holy Spirit live within us, we can believe this to be true. I have had so many obstacles keeping me from fully believing and surrendering to Him, but I’m so glad for God’s faithfulness to us (me). Even the silly details of life He wants to address with us if we only fully allow and trust Him to do so. How much I love Him!

As I wrote yesterday, God isn’t wanting me to leave the topic of living for Him until I’m better grounded in what that truly is all about. Last night at choir practice I could barely sing the solo I have in a song the choir is doing in a couple of weeks. The obstacles like rhythm and timing had finally been addressed so they no longer were in the way of singing it. It was my voice–I kept cracking on the higher notes and it is in the 1st tenor range so it is high. That’s never been a problem, but was last night. As I got home and went to bed I had numerous dreams throughout the night which would awaken me leaving me troubled. The last dream was a friend draining a “pus pocket” which wasn’t large on the outside, but what was on the inside was amazing. It just kept running out more and more.

When I awoke for the morning and started my journaling I asked Jesus for help understanding what all of this is about. Then my devotional was titled–“So Walk in Him”. It was all about walking in Jesus if we have invited Him into the depths of our lives and surrendered all there is in those depths. As I began Galatians 2 Paul is writing about his total surrender to Jesus and accepting His call not listening to man, but only to God’s Voice in his life. Paul’s message was the same as the devotional’s message–So Walk in Him. I grabbed my journal and added to it, “I’m not to walk with Jesus, but to walk in Jesus. If He resides IN me and His Holy Spirit is within me, I am to walk IN Them, not with them. They’re on the inside of me, not around me waiting for me to catch up.

As I prayed this morning I surrendered all of my questions and struggles about walking throughout my day trying to stay focused on Jesus’ Voice in my life. I simply gave Him the depths of my being where my fears reside, my flesh passions reside and asked Him to reside in their stead so I can be fully walking IN Him this day and each day to come.

The topic of living by the Spirit of God is a big one for me of late. It seems God is not wanting me to leave this topic until I get a better handle on it. The two Corinthian books is full of this writing and now Galatians is too. We are to live by the Spirit of God within us, given to us by Grace as we have accepted Jesus Christ into our lives. We are not to live by the old laws. Switching my living to being led by the Spirit within means I need to hear the Spirit throughout my day. What I naturally hear is my own reasoning/emotions. I’ve always thought of them as my lead and that the Spirit of God would direct them. Somehow I believe there is a different Voice I’m leaving out when I do this. I’m asking God to help me better understand so I live by His Voice within me.

Secondly, there is a topic that is routinely brought up in our class addressing childhood abuse. The topic is a child’s role with God when he/she is being abused in those childhood years. I don’t have a good answer for this as I’ve had my own struggles with the topic. I’ve said many times that I’ve needed to let this go and I’ll understand when I get to heaven. However, when I hear these questions coming from others and see the block it creates with their own relationship with God as a “loving God”, I can’t help but remember my own questions. There are many verses which tell us to not lead our children into sin by our own actions, but I don’t see any which say God provides protection for the children. If anyone has clarity on this, I’d like to know what you have found. I don’t ask this in doubt of God, I ask it for better understanding of God. Thank you.

Something happened yesterday during my devotional time I kept quiet because it seemed too odd to me and I questioned it. It had to do with my daily asking Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for the day. The message began that I would be disappointed this morning and needed to be ready for it. There was more attached to it but this was the driver of my questioning. Within 30 minutes following my writing of this blog I had a phone call. It was very disturbing as it questioned my integrity. It then condemned our ministry of Celebrate Recovery because of my involvement in it. There were only 3 people who knew about the details which took place a few years ago. I had actually challenged this person because of their own devious actions and it now led to this.

I called our ministry leader who had shared the role with me for 12 years and she said something that truly refocused me–“We need to pray for them.” At the moment I wanted to ring their neck and then I get the Godly message–they need prayer. For the rest of the day I did pray for them and will continue to do so.

This morning I’ve been challenged to TRUST God’s Voice when It speaks to me and ask for forgiveness for my lack of trust. God’s Holy Spirit waits for us to manage our mind and emotions so He can take charge. I don’t want to wait so long next time and I sure don’t want to question the Holy Spirit’s Voice either. Our God is so good. How I love Him and NEED Him!

The gentleman I mentioned in yesterday’s post has his first counseling appointment next Thursday morning. He called it an answer to prayer and I do too. I love how God works.

Paul, in II Corinthians, is getting after the people of Corinth for listening and following the teachings of false leaders. He challenges them to listen to what they are being told and line it up with the truth of what Jesus has recently told to the disciples. Joyce Meyer picks up on this topic and reminds the reader that our minds are the home of all thought and follow up words we say and actions we live out. Today we have so many messages which may seem “right” at the moment but if we took the time to line them up against God’s Word–the Bible, we would find we need to dismiss them. Some of these are: “Go ahead and take a drink, it won’t hurt you to have just one.” “Experimenting with same sex is ok, if you have the desire then it is fine to act on it.” There are so many additional examples I could put here, but in each one’s case we need to align these thoughts with God’s Word.

Society has moved away from God’s Word–His Wisdom, but that doesn’t mean we should. We need to follow Paul’s wisdom to the Corinthians and heed what God’s Word tells us. When our mind gives us a different thought use the 3-R’s I’ve mentioned in past posts: Recognize, Reject and Replace. God is Faithful and I find when I am faithful to following His Word, I am at peace within. Nothing is better than that!

One of the things I’ve noted about working with recovery is the process of one’s awakening to their need for taking steps. We often call it: peeling the onion. Last night I took a chip for 14 years of working with Celebrate Recovery for my own personal recovery. I told the group that I came to CR to overcome a pornography addiction. I’d never thought of myself as having an addictive personality, but this one had gripped me. After my first year I had told our leadership team I’d have to resign from leading. I was a failure in that the addiction was worse. Spending a year of raw confession and admission only increased the desire and I was helpless to overcome it. It was then that our other ministry leader told me I wasn’t quitting. Instead, I was to go forward the next week and take a chip. I was trying to address the wrong thing. I wanted to quit using porn when I was denying the depth of hurt from all the years of abuse I had kept walled away. She said I needed to go back to counseling and address what I still hadn’t. So, I took a chip the following week for a year of “not giving up” and switched my focus. It was then I started what became 3 years of therapy and counseling addressing the demons of abuse. CR became the support I needed as I weekly went to the therapy sessions which peeled an onion much larger than any onion I’d ever grown in my garden! I also shed many tears in the peeling process!

Today I see so many men stuck as I was after that first year. One gentleman wanted to talk last night afterward CR ended. He has been coming to CR for 4 years and is finishing the Mending the Soul class we do on Sundays. He is stuck (as I had found myself). This morning he is calling the counselor I now recommend who is truly great in this area of need. I rejoice in my heart knowing another child of God is taking a huge risk (another step), but the next best one. God is truly at work!