Well, the service is over.  What a magnificent one it was.  God was truly honored and Pastor Jim was also honored as God’s servant to this community.  I heard over and over from friends and community members that attended the dinner following the service that Jim was not only their pastor, but he was their friend.  He was the first reason they came to church and stayed attending church.  God took over in their lives, but God used Jim to bring them to Christ.  It was an honor to be part of this time.

The rest of yesterday was spent with my daughter and car shopping.  I believe we found the one that is right.  There is work I need to do today to get the financial steps taken.  I’ve asked God for His leadership in this.  My daughter’s previous loan wasn’t paid in full from the insurance so there needs to be some refinancing work done.  I’ll see how this works out today.

Last night I was wrung out.  I went to bed even before 9.  I forget how emotional energy rather than physical energy can drain oneself.  Experiencing the service for Pastor Jim and working with my daughter and this car fiasco took it out of me.  This morning God has been reminding me of my continued need to surrender each day’s work to Him.  He is the one in charge of it and my role is to complete what He gives and trust that He IS in charge.  This is a reminder I need daily and several times throughout the day.

In I Timothy today I was reading how God wants us to be leading His work.  God makes it clear that He honors this but we are to know that His Work must be lead through surrender.  This is in direct opposition to man’s way of leading.  I want to stay on the path of learning to trust God’s complete leadership and not just praying that He guide me.  I want Him leading me and me obeying fully each day and throughout the day.

In just a few hours one of God’s nicest gifts to man will be honored and celebrated.  However, my heart grieves.  I got up this morning drained.  Yesterday afternoon and evening were mostly spent preparing for the music which will only be half of what is planned for the service.  Jim was a lover of music and used it strategically knowing it spoke to people’s hearts when words were not sufficient.  He’d then use that open door to help people step into what God was speaking to them about.  I went to his viewing ahead of the quartet practice and spent time with Lois, Jim’s wife, and their two children who are adults not much younger than me.  Jim’s body was present, but that’s all.  God has taken His Own Spirit and spread Himself throughout hundreds and thousands of lives through Jim’s ministry and work.  The Spirit of God and Jim was what I felt.  Today will hardly do justice to all of this, but what I do know is that God will be Glorified. Whatever Jim did he did it to glorify God and this will not be different today.

As I came to God this morning I didn’t know how to do justice to the part I will have in this service.  He immediately reminded me that He knew and He is planning to do just this.  My feelings of emptiness are on purpose.  He wants me empty so I can be filled with His Purpose rather than what I think should be said when it’s my time to share.  So, with that reminder, I am humbled and ready.  I’ve surrendered me to God Almighty.  There is a well of tears wanting to escape as I write all of this.  I loved this man!  What is so astounding to me is that I know Jim loved me.  He would tell me so even when I was a young man.  I wasn’t use to being loved in a Godly way by a man in my early years but Jim used me in God honoring ways and Jim loved me in God honoring ways.  This is a legacy I want to pass on in God and Jim’s names.

I can tell I’m home–I’m anxious about work, Pastor Jim’s service, finding the right car for my daughter, and am I doing all of this through God’s leadership or am I trying to take the reins from Him?  It does seem several things are coming to a head.  My daughter got a call from the rental car company and the insurance is stopping coverage for the rental tomorrow.  Seems we must have a car found by then?  Secondly, I’m working today with a doctor’s appt. in Boise later in the afternoon yet I need to practice for a duet I’m singing in for the service tomorrow at some point this afternoon.  The quartet is already practicing tonight for 4 songs tomorrow.  I realized while lying in bed last night that I will be on the other side of the state next Monday night working and I’m to do a final choir practice for a song I have a solo in the following Sunday.  I’ll be coming home Tuesday from the work just in time for the recovery ministry training to begin.  I do know God’s timing is perfect and I’m to be patient and simply do my part.  That would not include becoming anxious and second guessing every step I’m taking.  God says to trust Him and this is a good time to do so without all the YIKES!

This morning’s devotion time brought me back to my early days when I would spend so much time with Pastor Jim at our church.  I was in my early 20’s.  I had just started teaching and he began to use me more in the work of the church.  I was teaching a class of 20, 5th and 6th grade boys on Sunday morning and again on Wed. night for what was called CYC–Christian Youth Crusaders.  I would lead Sunday morning and Sunday evening singing and often have a solo or a duet even with Jim.  I would often go have coffee, lunch, talk about church growth and dream big time with him!  How I loved those days.

My devotional reading was entitled:  Whom Is God Sending to You?  Between reading it and the scripture reading in Thessalonians I was challenged to look at what I’m doing in light of what it does to impact God’s Kingdom Work.  I know God is not asking me to be the judge of what I do, but to do what He gives me to do believing, and to do it keeping Him in the front line of all the work whether for the church or for secular education.  He will be the One to use it if I am obedient to Him.  So, I’m going to move forward through the next days doing just this–believing and obeying.  I use to love having these conversations with Pastor Jim to confirm whether I was on track.  Now, almost 50 years later, God is wanting these conversations to be with Him.

Today’s journey has us heading back to Idaho.  What a wonderful trip this has been.  One of the things Kathy and I have done several times with family here is take a day and go to a little town in the mountains named Julian and then go to the Palomar Observatory.  We did this yesterday with my two sisters.  It was a perfect day.  The weather had changed on Monday to being quite chilly.  There was frost on the ground yesterday morning and there was some remnants of snow at Julian and on the mountain top.  When driving back from Palomar you could see the ocean with the sun glistening on it.  We ended the day having dinner with one of Bonnie’s boys and his family at an Iraqi restaurant.  Kathy and I thought we had gone back to Yemen for a moment.  The food was so similar and good.

I got the details of Pastor Jim’s service last night.  It will be a songfest just like many of his Sunday morning services would be.  People would complain because he didn’t leave himself very much time for his sermon, but then the next Sunday the service would be very much the same.  He loved music and I loved him for this.  His sermons were always spot on with God’s Holy Spirit using it to touch an area of need in your heart.  This would be true for a high school boy as I was when I first started attending all the way through his life.

As we head home today I thank God for providing this chance to be here.  Kathy and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that we were to come and this has been confirmed over and over while here.  My mind wants to shift to being home preparing for all the work forthcoming, but I tell it to stop and enjoy this last morning with our California family.  I treasure these two sisters.  They have been so very important for me personally as I’ve needed to heal from the wounds of abuse.  They have been God’s angels for me.  It is fun and humbling to return a portion of this love when they are the ones hurting from loss.  I do love them.  God is so good when we allow Him to be in charge of our every step.  I want to be much better at this in my days ahead.

Not only do I not get to this blog routinely on this trip, I find myself unable to express what I’d truly want to.  I just talk and listen to my sis Bonnie.  She and I say I’m going to write the blog and then we start on a topic and 30-40 minutes later I remember I haven’t written anything.

This trip has been a fun time to build relationships with family members I didn’t have before.  I would meet with them but the connections were more through my sisters or an aunt.  This time the relationships have begun with them and me.  I’ve enjoyed this very much.

Tomorrow Kathy and I will fly home later in the day.  My mind is already beginning to plan what is to be happening there when we arrive.  The funeral for my dear pastor friend will be on Friday, our family dinner was to also be on Friday so I think it will be delayed.  The classes for the sexual brokenness leadership training will be starting the following week and the work I do is also continuing.  Most importantly (ha, ha) is the planting of the garden seeds in the greenhouse.  Now that it is done I will be planting it when we return.  I had thought this weekend will be the perfect time.  We will see.  For today, we are going to go into the mountains.  There was frost on the ground today which is highly unusual here, but the sun is shining brightly so away we go.

Yesterday was a day carved and created by God Himself.  I didn’t get a post done just because there were too many interruptions to the morning and then we were off to my nephew’s church which is about 45 minutes away.  It is a small, very loving and caring group of people.  We were all so glad we went.   In the middle of the afternoon we went to my aunt’s home to have the rest of the day with her and my cousins that live close.  I knew my one cousin is a counselor but what I didn’t know is that she heads the recovery ministry at their church here in Escondido.  It is a mega church of about 5,000 people.  She counsels through the church and has headed this work for the past 12 years.  My word, that was about all we talked about for 6 hours.  It is also the church I think my sis Bonnie will be attending.  We wanted to find a church that would be a good home for her and knowing our Aunt and family attend this one, it fits perfectly.

At a little after 6:00 am this morning I had a text message from home saying my dear pastor friend, Jim McMillan, passed away during the night last night.  He has been failing rapidly, but I felt like I’d been hit in my gut with the news.  If there were a man I’d loved to have had as a dad, it was this one.  His wife Lois is my prayer warrior for our ministry work.  She said his service will likely be this coming Friday and she wants our quartet to sing for the service along with one other group Jim loved.  I know this will be a celebration service, but I also know there were hundreds and thousands of people who will miss this man dearly.  He has been God’s instrument in so many ways helping people through their tough spots in life.  I’m sure God has a special place already prepared for him.

Someday this earthly journey will end, but until it does, I pray I can be an instrument of peace for God as Pastor Jim has been for me and countless others.

There are times when journeys have sweet spots.  These present days are some of them.  Kathy and I are simply having the best time with my two sisters.  We’ve done nothing but eat, talk, drive around and repeat these steps.  The talking has been deep sometimes and then we switch to laughter and crying.  I know it is a healing time for Bonnie.  Even though she is a strong person, there are just times we need to be able to be held and let all that pent up emotion out.

Last night my nephew came over with his wife for dinner.  We are going to church with them on Sunday morning.  He was so excited to know that.  He has been inviting me to go to church with him for years.  His mom is Alice and everyone was willing to go this time so that’s where we are going.  I’m looking forward to it.

My devotions were very clear this morning about not trying to do God’s work and then give Him credit for it if all goes well.  It was well stated that God wants me obeying His nudges so He is seen when His work is done.  He is the primary one, not the secondary one.  I doubt if most Christians want to be seen ahead of God, but we so often do our “good deeds” hoping they are pleasing to God and completing what He wants done.  We are thanked for helping out and we attempt to let God be praised in the meantime.  All of this is in reverse order.  We are the ones God wants less conspicuous and He wants to be the visible one.  Only bit by bit am I beginning to see how this works.  At this point all I know is that I am not to act on my own inkling unless I am sensing God’s Spirit leading.  This is truly a way of operating I want to become much more sensitive too.

Yesterday Kathy and I went to the movies with Bonnie and Alice.  We saw The Greatest Showman.  What a spectacular one it is.  There was a line in it that hit me right between the eyes.  It was that the main character was never going to be satisfied because the emptiness within him was never going to be filled by worldly success.  When I heard this I knew God was talking to me.  I’ve fought to be worthy in the world’s eyes my whole life never thinking I’d achieve it.  Even if I were complimented for something done well I’d discredit it.  I know God has been dealing with me regarding this lie.  He wants me to know He makes no mistakes with His work.  I know this and believe this too.  I still have this voice not far away in my mind that thinks feeling good about something done well is called arrogance or conceit.  But, God is wanting this to be replaced with the knowledge that He is saying:  “Well done My child.”    I’m going to work on this with Him or let Him work on me with this.

This morning my sis Bonnie and I have had a chance to talk and truly talk meaningfully.  I love this and treasure it.  She is God’s gift to me as a sister!

It is beautiful in S. California.  It is odd to have green lawns and flowering bushes but I do love it.  All of this is in addition to nice, warm days.

Have you ever had those moments when you had to be patient and yet inside you were filled with anxiety knowing you need to do something and yet there isn’t anything to do but wait?  I do have these every so often.  I’ve been somewhat this way with my youngest and her car dilemma.  This morning’s scripture reading in Colossians is telling me no less than 4 times to be anxious for nothing and instead find peace in waiting.  It is one thing to need to be patient, but it is entirely different to be patient while resting in God’s peace.

Paul is telling the Christians of Colossi to live in the new creation God gave them.  God was reminding me of this same thing as I was reading this.  The freedom and peace that passeth all understanding does not come just from waiting.  It comes when we wait on the Lord resting in the assurance of His love, timing, and complete control of our lives.  If you struggle with any of this I hope you will join me in living in God’s peace and assurance today.  Give Him all that is making you anxious.  How good our God is when we only give Him a chance.

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I’m really late getting this done due to the arrangements here in California.  I sleep at one sister’s home but she doesn’t have wifi.  When I walked to Bonnie’s I spend so much time talking I still hadn’t gotten to it.  Well, here it finally is for anyone who is still interested.

In my devotional reading this morning the writer of my devotional book told the story of Hosea and Gomer.  Hosea was a prophet and God had told him to marry Gomer, a prostitute.  His marriage was to be an example of God’s love for Israel in spite of their continuous breaking away from Him.  I know this is not the valentine’s love we American’s talk about, but it is truly the depth of love God has for each of us.  This is the love I also want to better know and allow God to give others through me.  There use to be a chorus we’d sing when I was much younger.  When I asked God this morning what He wanted me to know immediately the words of that chorus went through my mind:  “They’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love; yes, they’ll know we are Christians by our love.”