All of my life I’ve wanted to find the time and place where temptation is never going to haunt you and we will be strong enough to walk away from it no matter what it is.  I’ve realized this place is not going to be a place here on earth.  It is a place called heaven and our entrance there is death from here.  With this being known, I still find myself wishing it could be some other way.  Somehow I seem to have this strong desire to abandon humanness so I can live in the panacea of life without any sin or temptation.

Yesterday was a day back with the school district.  It was a very healthy day getting the administration together and finishing the work of the grant’s budget.  One of the admin had arrived early to the meeting giving him and me some time together.  It was a God moment for me.  He began to open up about his past employment and what had brought him to this present job.  Today I thank God for this time.  It opened the door for a much deeper conversation I’ve felt I needed to have with him but I had no tangible way of getting there.  Now I do.  He’s a bright, energetic young man with a great skill set for his job.  However, life has burned him and I had been noticing some characteristics in his day to day operational practices which told me he was “scared”.  Now I understand and can come along side of this.  God is really good–isn’t He! 

I’m headed back to the district today so we can finish the grant’s entirety.  Next week we will go through it with the community members and then it will be submitted.  Hallelujah!

Last night was the restart of our recovery classes.  Christmas and New Years were both on Tuesdays this past season so we cancelled for the two weeks.  It was so good to be back into the classes and addressing once again the content of them.  In my own class on abuse we are into the damage of abuse separating out shame as guilt from toxic shame which is shame from thinking you are valueless.  It was a heavy conversation last night.  Each man present including myself knows the sense of valuelessness and the abuse which brought this belief about. 

This morning I happened to be reading again in Acts.  Paul is busy taking the message of Jesus Christ to the many territories the book mentions.  Joyce inserts a message which was very pertinent for me.  She talks about her 4 kids coming from “in me”.  They carry characteristics of her because they started “in me” meaning her own body.  She compares this to our “being born again” when we accept Christ into our life.  In so doing, we have Christ “in me”.  We have the characteristics of Christ now in us and we also have the Holy Spirit to make these characteristics more a part of our daily living.  As I was journaling about all of this I could suddenly realize a dramatic point.  The sin which was done to me by my brother and the beliefs I’ve had stemming from dad’s critical spirit were generating a toxic shame which had me believing I was valueless.  However, all this time, Christ has been helping me to replace what I thought was “in me”  with His Life now “in me”.  This new life (new creation) is full of value because it is the very Son of God and He is “in me” along with The Holy Spirit!  Talk about value!

Well, this is a lot to take in but it is so critical.  I truly am a new creation and this morning I have a much richer understanding of it.  How I thank God for His faithfulness to me and to each of us.  He is far from done too–He says so. 

Last Sunday Kathy and I attended a new Sunday School class at our church.  It is being taught by our senior pastor’s wife.  She is an outstanding teacher so I wanted to attend it just because she was doing the teaching.  The class is all about the Old Testament characters and their relationship with God.  I’m always intrigued by man’s relationship with God, including my own. The incredible thing I heard which won’t leave me alone is that God’s intent in creating us is to have a relationship with us–it is as simple as that.  Throughout the Bible and throughout time He continues to open doors for this relationship with Him to happen.

This morning as I was having my devotions I was journaling about the things which God has me doing and hoping I’m doing them well for Him.  In so doing, I asked the question I always conclude with:  “Father, what do you want me to know from You for today?”  His response took me for surprise.  He made it very clear that my relationship with Him will never be built from what I do for Him.  He created me to BE in relationship with Him and that didn’t have anything to do with DOING.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this, but this morning, it went right to my heart.  He went onto say that I’ve tried to hide my (supposed) incompetence all my life thinking what I heard when I was growing up from dad made me less than competent.  This person God created is just how He wanted me.  As I go to complete any work He has me do I am going as the person He created to go do this work.  I don’t need to hide anything.  If there were something I was unable to address/do He who is in me (The Holy Spirit) will take care of it. 

I know I have struggled with the insecurities of relationships forever.  However, it is time to let God help me see this as a character flaw He wants to address.  I am ready to face it too.  So, thank you Father!  I love You for loving me and seeking this relationship with me. 

Today the routines of life return.  Last week most schools were still on break so even though the business world was back to its routine, lives at home were not.  Today all of this returns.  As much as I enjoy breaks in routines, I need routines to accomplish my best work.  Routine are like memory enhancers for me.  I lose many important details when I don’t have a routine established to house them. 

Today I awoke with several things on my mind–ones I could easily stress over today and place into the pit of worry.  As I was journaling them out and attempting to give them to God He reminded me once again that these very items are His opportunities.  God worries over nothing and He wants me to release all of these details to Him and His Holy Spirit’s Work.  I did just that and it is so very freeing.  When I was younger I would go to work very early so I could get involved in work which would occupy my mind so “worry items” would be replaced.  Today I get up almost as early but I’m not always going to work and the work I do go to doesn’t allow me to arrive at 6:00 am.  God has been needing me to learn a great lesson from Him about releasing the grips of sin–worry–to Him.  I’m so grateful for Him in all of this too. 

“Trust and Obey for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.”  Do you know this old hymn?  These words as always so fitting for me when I start my day. 

This morning has been a sacred time with God and His Holy Spirit.  I have needed to open up about the mystery, confusion, I’ve had in my mind about God’s Holy Spirit.  The denomination I have been part all of my life does not condemn the filling of The Holy Spirit, but it does not stress it as important.  Some denominations belittle the topic and other denominations stress it.  Today I see all of this as Satan manipulating man confusing him as to what God’s Word says.  In Acts it says we are to be anointed with The Holy Spirit.  I know I have Him within me and now I want Him to be my control center as I said yesterday.  I don’t want to think of Him as mysterious or confusing and actually, this morning, I sense Him as a genuine Gift from God. 

I don’t know where any reader of this blog stands on the topic.  But, I challenge any reader to step out of any denominational wording and stick with the Words God gave us through Luke’s writings in Acts.  The work God’s disciples did once Christ arose was directly linked to their infilling of The Holy Spirit.  If we are to be the effective disciples of Christ Jesus today lets do it with The Holy Spirit’s anointing and with His infilling.  Otherwise, we will only be a voice of man.  I want to be a voice of God fulfilling His Kingdom Work which He has assigned for me.  Amen!

Today’s devotions had some clarifying and inspiring messages, one of which I needed to read and apply.  If you are anything like me you find The Holy Spirit somewhat as a mystery.  For God to be God of the Universe is good.  For Christ to be God’s Son and God’s way of showing man He is ultimately loving and interested in us is also good with me.  For God to give me (man) The Holy Spirit is wonderful, but I’ve always struggled with what this is actually like in real life–human life?  I’ve learned in recent years the home of The Holy Spirit is of course our body, but His operating home is our mind.  It is there He either controls us, inspires us, nudges us, etc.  This much I grasp.

Today’s bible reading is in Acts 8 & 9.  In chapter 9 Saul is confronted by a great Light–Jesus Christ Himself.  Later (three days) he is prayed for by Ananias and he receives The Holy Spirit.  Joyce Meyer writes something I needed to read about this.  She writes, “As a believer in Jesus you have the Holy Spirit, but does the Holy Spirit have you?  And, if He does, how much of you does He have?    It may be time for a complete surrender in your life.  Ask God to completely fill you with His Spirit and keep you ‘ever filled’ with the Spirit as Ephesians 5:18 teaches.”

Today I was able to read all of this with so much more clarity than I ever have before.  Knowing my mind is the home of The Holy Spirit–the throne for Christ Jesus makes me aware that what I surrender is all of my mind–my thoughts, my impulses, my actions/reactions.  God is wanting me to surrender all that I now know about this to Him so He is my control center and not me.  I can trust Him to do this relieving me of the need to “try” and do this.  He will do it.  This is my assignment for the day and for the rest of my life.  Praise God!

Yesterday was a day of obedience.  As I was out doing some errands I met with my accountability partner and told him face to face about the struggles of telling and the pride behind it.  It was so interesting to hear him say he has the same.  All men struggle with temptation and then telling it to another man.  I suppose women struggle with this too but it does seem they are better about the telling or at least talking about it.

One of our Celebrate Recovery attendees died yesterday late afternoon.  His body had succumbed to the effects of a life of alcohol.  He was a trooper in that a few years ago he made things right with God and he even helped some others who struggled as he did.  He is not struggling anymore!  His body is free of the grips of sin’s effects.  Our pastor was able to pray with him and his family right before he passed on.  God is amazing in all ways. 

This morning I was journaling out all the things I’m anxious about.  When I was done I felt better and asked God what He wanted me to know about them?  He reminded me that it was now time to let Him take care of them.  He doesn’t see them as problems as I do.  They are opportunities for Him, His Holy Spirit and Christ Jesus to bring others to THEM.  This is done when I surrender all my control.  God wants a spiritual outcome from them which means each one involved would grow in their walk with Him.  I want a human outcome which may or may not have a spiritual growth.  God, being who he is, will take care of both.  He may or may not use me but I will let His nudges tell me when I’m to involve myself.  This is a big step of learning for me but God is a GREAT TEACHER and I do want to be a good student. 

The journey does continue all right.  Yesterday’s post told you about my pride not wanting to admit I have struggles common to man.  I said that I wanted to submit to The Holy Spirit’s leading in my life and I’d do that by telling when I had a temptation battle in my mind.  I did let my accountability partner know of this plan and that’s where it stopped.  As the day went on the temptations arrived and I told no one.  I kept telling myself they would go away, etc. 

This morning as I was talking to God and The Holy Spirit about this I realized an area of my life I needed to address.  As a young boy I was committed to never living my life looking like my dad.  I thought I would live above his ways.  Hiding temptations or acting on temptations, either one, was needed so I didn’t look like dad.  This is how I lived above dad’s ways (in my head).  This morning as I journaled I asked The Holy Spirit what I was missing from yesterday?  He simply spoke to my mind telling me I am human just like dad.  Dad acted on his anger temptations with his words and with his actions (beatings).  My temptations are different but the fact I have them doesn’t make me like dad.  I’m like dad because we are human.  I cannot rise above humanness until I die out of this life.  If I am to live in the new creation (spiritual being) Christ gave me, I need to obey the Holy Spirit’s message of yesterday and tell.  He reminded me of Christ’s words when He said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light”.  This is true only when we follow the simple step of telling.  The burden becomes light when I surrender it by telling.

Never, ever did I hear my dad say he had an anger problem.  I doubt he told that to anyone.  My lesson for today is to not be like dad by telling my temptation rather than hiding it or acting on it.  I truly want to live by The Holy Spirit’s lead in my life.  I guess making the commitment yesterday doesn’t mean the habit is in place the next day.  I have to work on the new habit by stop acting on the old one.  Today I tell and not hide.

Yesterday I said I’d write today about what The Holy Spirit and I discussed when I began to journal to Him.  Actually, it was about how to be strong in Him.  Notice how I wrote this sentence?  How “I” would be strong in Him was what I was was wanting to know.  It is a genuine character flaw of mine to continue to think at some point in time I will become strong in the Holy Spirit.  Instead, I am being awakened to my need to submit, surrender myself so The Holy Spirit can be strong in me.  I am a messanger for The Holy Spirit.  His strength is made strong when I am fully surrendered to this truth.

On Monday I’d had a day of temptations of “old me thinking”.  I was tired and coming off of a week of family.  Satan was trying to get me to submit to his temptations and beliefs.  I didn’t tell anyone, just battled it all day in my mind.  This is why yesterday’s message was so important to me.  God is wanting me to know I am not the one who is made strong.  I find strength through surrendering.  I surrender by telling the temptation.  When I tell I bring the temptation into God’s Light–The Holy Spirit’s presence.  It is there that the temptation has to flee for Satan cannot stand in the Holy Presence of God when his lies are being exposed. 

Telling is one of my hardest battles.  If I expose temptations to others I think I am weak.  The old commitment I had after I left home was that I would never be weak again after being raised to think I was nothing but weak.  I couldn’t do what dad did and I had to compensate for the failure I was by being as strong as possible.  I know this is all a big lie, but at the moment of telling a temptation, this old lie screams in my head.  My commitment for 2019 is to face this mountain with the “faith of a mustard seed”.  God’s Word tells us that the faith of a mustard seed will remove mountains.  I’ve found the truth in this too in other beliefs.  Now it is time for me to apply it in this area of my life. 

2019 is going to be a year of living in freedom.  The new creation I am doesn’t mean I have no humanness left.  It means I’m learning to surrender this old human flaw rather than hide in its lies.     

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  My new devotional is titled:  Being Still With God.  It is written by the Blackaby brothers who had written the one I just finished yesterday.  I like their writings and I appreciate their walk with God and how they write about it.  Today they started with my needed message which is all about never letting your past dictate your present or future.  God has a plan for each of us which will use that past of ours for His purposes.  We need to be still, trust and then obey Him as He leads us.  This is exactly what He has been doing for me throughout my life and today I am ready to take whatever next step He wants taken.  However, He doesn’t want me taking them from my own initiative.  He wants me waiting (being still and listening for His Holy Spirit’s voice) to know when the timing is right. 

I also started the book of Acts from my Bible this morning.  Acts was written by Luke, the author of the book of Luke.  I found it interesting that both books are written approximately 2 years apart.  The book of Luke was written almost 30 years after Christ’s resurrection and Acts was written 2 years later.  Acts starts with the disciples being told right before Christ’s ascension to wait for the empowerment of The Holy Spirit–to pray and wait.  This is what they were doing too.  There wasn’t a timeframe around the wait–just the command to do so. 

As I was journaling I was asking God about His Holy Spirit when all of a sudden I felt the nudge to not talk to The Holy Spirit as though He were a third party in the conversation, I just started journaling to Him.  It was as though I’d just met my new best friend!  I smile even as I write this for the warmth of this reality is very real.  Tomorrow I will write what He and I talked about, but for now, I just want everyone to know that no matter what is in our past, it does not ever need to block our present walk with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit.  One of Satan’s biggest lies is that our past makes us unworthy of this Holy Team.  Well, I stand here and write this message declaring Satan a liar for I know first hand just how much This Holy Team has done to create this new creation I am full of love for THEM.