God’s goodness to us is simply amazing! I go far too long forgetting this dynamic truth. My devotions of late have been addressing the work God does in us ahead of His using the work. What I mean by this is that God has patiently allowed me to struggle in my own strength so I could finally find His healing from His Strength through surrendering. The greatest and most humbling part of this for me has been finding how my struggling years are used now in my story to help someone else find their own victory without struggling so long. It is so humbling to know that even the struggle God uses when I surrender all of this to Him.
Last night’s lesson on Spiritual Inventory II was very well received. It is important to do an inventory of our human life and coming face to face with the sins/ills of it. Yet, if we don’t take a look at the spiritual purpose of doing this, it will overwhelm us with shame so we go back into hiding/denial. Seeing how God takes these sins/ill thinking and turns them into a message for His use, is what motivates us to move forward. This is no longer about me, it becomes about Us: God, you and me. Wow, God is so amazing!
It is nice to have a day to feel retired. There are several things to do but there is no rush in getting to them until later in the day when I leave for Celebrate Recovery. I find that temptations can be an issue on a day like today so I’ve already contacted my sponsor so he can be in prayer for this time to remain healthy. Before I had found the belief that I truly am a new creation, I wanted God to remove all of this from me, thinking that would make me a new creation. Little did I know that a new creation is still of the flesh and experiences its weaknesses. I’m learning to live the life of a new creation who will someday leave the bondage of flesh but can live in peace while here knowing the fight is fought best when I put it before the Light of Truth in the power of Jesus Christ my King!
Today as I begin to write this blog I ponder for a moment regarding the what I should write. The one which stands out the most is how rich the daily messages are for me from God as I read my devotional and then my bible–The Passion. These two are authored by the same individual. I had no idea when purchasing them that I’d find such meaningful, deep-rotted messages each day which coincide with my need/desire for spiritual growth. I know God knew all of this and I can’t thank Him enough for it.
There is no place I’d rather be than in His (GOD’s) Hiding Place. Last night we addressed lesson one–DENIAL in our step study group. In it we had to identify all that we had been keeping in our own private hiding place trying to pretend it isn’t real or knowing it’s real but not wanting the world to know about it. In God’s Hiding Place we can find the place of peace knowing the world knows all about us and the reason they do is because God is wanting us to obey Him using our past to help others find safety in sharing their own. It has taken years for me to uncover all that I’ve had in hiding, but now that it’s no longer hidden inside me, I simply have peace–a grateful and humble peace. Only God can give such a GIFT and how grateful I am for it.
God is shedding so much light of late regarding my personal awakening to Him and me. Satan has had a hay day much of my life. I’ve allowed him to manipulate my emotions thinking my sins weren’t as bad as dad’s or my brother’s so even things like porn would be ok if I didn’t do it very much and didn’t do anything with it overtly. Now that I see my sins nailed to the Cross without a buffer in-between them I see clearly the black of my sins. Other things about my personal selfishness are also more clearly seen. I am deeply humbled and grateful that Jesus didn’t give up on me until I’ve seen this as I do today. Finding real freedom is truly stepping out of all my denials into the genuine Light of Truth.
The new step study we began last week steps into lesson one tonight which is Denial. I am seeing some areas of denial I hadn’t admitted until now. Fourteen years and God is still shedding Light into areas of darkness for me. I truly love Him for this. My hiding place all of my life has been within me where I’ve lived with lies that caused me fear and anxiety. All of this time God has waited for me to find His Hiding Place where He provides the peace which passeth all understanding. I love so much this new hiding place!
Yesterday I began describing what setting my personal goal this year has awakened in me. My message has been to realize the selfishness of the flesh and in turn, begin to understand how the Holy Spirit wants to replace this selfishness with His Unselfishness if I will turn it over to Him.
As I continued through the day yesterday I also had pointed out to me that my measuring rod for my selfishness had been my dad and my brother. Becoming a new creation in my own belief system has disallowed me from using my dad and brother. My measuring rod has begun to be Jesus Christ Himself. All of a sudden in so doing this I’ve seen a very selfish me. The hope Jesus Christ gives is so much greater than simply living better than dad. He wants me to know I can live in His Peace and Freedom with my total surrender. I know this is still a lifetime work, but I am much more awake to the work at hand. My work is the surrender of my will while I listen and know The Holy Spirit’s nudges and respond accordingly.
All of this gives new meaning to PRAISE. I can praise Him for His faithfulness during all of the years it has taken for me to awaken. I can and do praise Him for His leadership in every detail of my personal life as well as my work and social life. He is FAITHFUL to the end. Hallelujah!
My goal for this year, which I’ve written about a few times already, has been to keep Jesus’ leadership in the forefront of my day 24/7. Most days I log that I haven’t done so well with this. I just get lost in my own thinking and do what I think without checking in. As I journaled this morning to start my devotional time, I was processing this with Jesus. Making this goal for myself has awakened for me just how strong and willful my own spirit is. This is the root of selfishness. I want to have a moment just to do as I wish. This morning I was addressing this willfulness with Jesus. So, when I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know for today, He said, “The Holy Spirit wants to join your spirit, be your spirit. At the same time Satan wants to be your spirit. Which will I choose? The Holy Spirit will complete you as God has always intended. Satan will make you think he’s completing you, but the motivation behind it will always lead to ‘incomplete’ along with dissatisfaction and sadness.”
Then, after journaling all of this, I opened my devotional I’m using this year to read, “The table of fellowship has been prepared. Come, dine with me and enter into a great joy–the joy of communion with the Holy Spirit. The highest joy and most profitable path will be found by living in my Spirit….”
All I could say was, “Jesus, YOU are AMAZING! This is my one true desire.
Wow, getting home at 1:40 am kind of takes the wind out of Saturday morning! Yes, I did sleep in until 7:30 but my body is thinking I need more than that with my mind saying there are things to get done! I’ll go with my mind until early afternoon and then I believe we will all agree that a healthy nap will be in order!
This recent trip was such a good one. One thing is for sure when we are dealing with issues–get one resolved to only find there are several more just underneath it which have been the triggers for the one at hand. This time of year I often find people getting discouraged about what they do. Helping them see their progress does help and reminding them what last August looked like shows the progress being made. Lastly, reminding them that the ultimate work is not being led by them, it is being led by the same God we all serve. Trusting Him at every level is key! How I love our God!
Today is my mom’s birthday. I always have a tender spot in my heart for this lady who was so small in human form, yet so mighty in the Kingdom Spirit. This might showed itself in the way she lived life, not in how she spoke life. She was a model for each of us kids and I thank her for this as well as I thank Jesus for giving her to each of us.
It is good to see God working here in this Montana school district. There are many issues they face, but each trip shows abundant evidence of dedication and progress. It is a joy to be a part of this process.
Today’s devotional time has shown more evidence of my need to live in God’s Spirit who dwells within me. Awakening to this shows how much I have relied on my mind rather than on God’s nudges. Yesterday was another example of this. Knowing God’s nudges aren’t “suggestions” but steps to take is a step of learning I know but don’t always put into practice. I’m going to keep working on this with His Mighty Help!
I happened to bring a book with me to read on the plane yesterday which centers on Prayer. It is written by Max Lucado. It is entitled: BEFORE AMEN. It is an easy read, but packed full of Godly Wisdom which applies to my goal of keeping Jesus in the lead of my day, 24/7.
I have all kinds of selfishness show up when I am confronting myself during the day as the reminders go off on my phone. Thoughts go through my mind like, “I don’t have time for this reflection at the moment”; “I’m fine Jesus” without my taking even a moment to know the accuracy of this. There are so many more but this is a start. This journey does continue, but as it does, I sure want it to reflect Jesus at every angle. He is the only ONE TRUE GOD!
Today I head to Montana for the 3 days a month I work with a district there. I awoke earlier than anticipated and for good reason. God has been reawakening me to the goal I set for this year. I had written that I wanted Him to lead me 24/7 each and every day. I had set a signal on my phone to alert me mid morning and mid afternoon so I’d have physical reminders to do reflect on the day. However, more and more I have drifted away from seeing them and taking a moment to mentally stay on track. Yesterday’s work with a school was a perfect example. I saw both of the reminders as well as my noontime one where I stay in touch with my sponsor. I ignored all three because I was “busy” with the issues at hand. When I saw the reminders I did what I have always done in past–hoped I was on track. So, as God guided me back to yesterday this morning I see very clearly my need to pause. I no longer need to hope God leads. I know He will and does if I only surrender and step out of the way doing what I know to be my part so He can do His.
I wasn’t at Celebrate Recovery last Thursday night, chip night, to get my 30 day chip for this goal, but I am not going to give up on what I know God wants me doing. I want to grow into a full-time servant of my Savior and Lord.
Earnie Lewis 