We got into Istanbul at 4:30 pm their time so by the time we got checked into our room and ate dinner it was bed time even though we’d only been up for about 7 hours. I was wide awake at 3:00 and got up at 4. I know I’ll adjust but it will take another day.

I received a prayer request last night that a man whose past is quite similar to my own has had a nervous breakdown. He’s hospitalized presently. He has talked to me numerous time about coming for help but hasn’t been willing to take the step. Exposure is so difficult. I’m asking God that this can be an open door to let the Light of healing begin.

God waits for our step of faith to begin no matter how small the step is. His Light of truth and healing patiently is there for each one of us. How I love Him.

We are 1 hour and 42 minutes from landing in Istanbul turkey. It will be 7 am at home but 4 pm here. Not sure how sleeping will take place tonight. We have been here before when I taught in Turkmenistan but I was much younger then. God is good and the ride has been great. I’m sitting by a lady on our tour who lives in Salem Oregon. Today is also my brother and wife’s 50 year anniversary. They are just waking up. I’ll have much to report in tomorrow’s entry. God is so good to let the 4 of us travel together.

As I begin to start today’s entry I am noticing there is no blog for yesterday the 20th. I remember writing it and I can recall the content of it, yet, it isn’t here. It isn’t in the draft category either which means it is lost or else I’m losing it! Yikes!

Today Kathy and I leave for the trip we have booked to take for 3 years in a row and now it is finally happening. It is to Turkey and Greece–The Journeys of Paul. The nice thing about getting to finally go now is that my younger brother and wife are also going. The total group is around 30 led by our pastor and wife. It is a 12 day trip so we will be returning on Oct. 3. I am not sure how well I’ll be able to keep my blogs current but I will do the best I can. God is never done with our journey and I don’t want to ever think I’ve arrived. He keeps the lessons going and I always want to be a good student no matter how old I get.

Today is starting as though an entirely new chapter in my life is forming. My journaling was telling God how much I desired to be more like His Son Jesus in my living each day. Believing as Jesus believed and having Faith as Jesus to always respond to the nudges of The Holy Spirit is my desire. When I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today, He responded by asking me to surrender my mind, emotions, and spirit to His Holy Spirit already living in me. The Holy Spirit longs to do this but patiently waits for us to release fully all of ourselves to Him.

As I began my devotional reading it was entitled, “The Help You Need Begins With Me”. It’s message was confirming the result of surrendering every aspect of one’s self to The Holy Spirit. When this happens (as the devotional reads) “Everything that makes heaven real lives in you, my child, because I live in you.”

My Bible reading from The Passion was II Peter 1. Starting with vs 5, the section is entitled, “Faith’s Ladder of Virtue”. A footnote to this passage reads, “It is possible to view this passage like an unfolding of faith…. It is also possible to view this passage as a mathematical equation: Faith+goodness=understanding, goodness+understanding=inner strength, understanding+inner strength=patience, inner strength+patience=godliness, patience+godliness=mercy, and godliness+mercy=LOVE.”

All of this is what God offers you and me if we will only believe and allow His Faith to complete itself within us. This is my next assignment.

Today will conclude this weekend marathon of activities and events. I can’t really explain the difference between times like this in the past, except I simply feel at peace. I’m emotionally exhausted from the morning event and the wedding, but instead of anxiety, I truly enjoyed it all and felt honored to be given the part I had in each. God is truly amazing as He continues to restore us.

The other amazing part of the wedding last evening was meeting people I didn’t think I knew at all to find I knew several of them from times past. The bride’s pastor and wife were people that went to college where I did and we knew so many folks in common. But what was more amazing, the pastor’s wife was a child in the church I attended all through college. Her parents are still friends I rarely see, but when I do, it is one of those where you simply pick up where you left off the last time. The reception was filled with opportunities like this.

I love how God works and it is fun to be part of them not carrying the past baggage I use to bring with me each and every time. Simply being a child of God who has a past is a new reality thanks to our Loving and Gracious Dad–Abba Father!

It is amazing to me how different my journey is today from when I wrote my autobiography a little over 7 years ago. The last section of the book is called, Finding Freedom. At that point in my walk with God, I was finding freedom. However, I was still in the searching stage of it and not living in freedom. Today, working through the belief that I am a new creation, has put living in freedom at the forefront of everything I do. It is as though The Holy Spirit is working His way into every aspect of my daily living. Learning to lean on Him at each turn has become something I look forward to doing.

What I wrote about yesterday held true. Last night’s wedding rehearsal was fun rather than a stressful time. This morning I will be giving a brief testimony to our audience as we prepare to sing a song which truly touches upon a struggle I’ve had all of my life. The song is Gaither’s “It Is Finished”. Only in recent years have I known the “battle has been won” for me.

Living in freedom doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t have any issues any longer. What it means is that when fears arise, anxiety want to take over, I believe the Holy Spirit when He reminds me I can let Him have them. I’ve never walked into a singing event like this one today where I look forward to it and there isn’t anxiety about telling a portion of my story. It is sheer gratitude I have today that I get to do this. How patient and merciful our Abba Father is.

Growing my relationship with God has been the most wonderful opportunity I’ve ever been given. I’ve always known that to have a relationship with God through His Son Jesus was the driver for living. The idea His Holy Spirit was given to me was kind of like icing on the cake. All of this was wonderful to know, little did I know about the actuality of living daily in this relationship. My living in it had been one of discipline. I am pretty good at discipline and I thought God was proud of me for living for Him this way. Well, God has been turning this around of late.

This weekend, starting tonight, I am presiding over a wedding (yes, I have a ministerial license which I haven’t wanted anyone to know about). The rehearsal is tonight and the wedding is tomorrow’s early evening. Tomorrow morning our quartet is doing a concert and Sunday morning we are doing the worship portion of our church service. As I began my journaling this morning I began to think how glad I’ll be to have this weekend behind me. It is always after an event that I appreciate the opportunity to have been part of it. My enjoyment has always been measured by the “quality of the performance”. As soon as I thought this I was checked by The Holy Spirit’s voice. He said this weekend was an opportunity for me to be a tool in HIs service. He asked if I’d consider looking forward to these events right now knowing He was in charge and I get to be His servant carrying a message in word and in song?

Little have I realized how much I lacked in trust and depended on my own skills (which I’ve always been insecure about) when it came to doing anything for God. All of a sudden I’ve begun to realize I can look forward to each event starting with tonight’s wedding rehearsal. I can relax and enjoy it knowing I’m serving, not leading. The Holy Spirit is leading. I’ve readied myself and now I can go into this as an opportunity to carry a message God has given me. Trusting God ahead of time is what He wants me to do as our relationship continues to mature. WOW!

After yesterday’s devotional time and my awakening to a new area of growth I need to face, I went to see my prayer warrior. She and I talked in depth about confessing my fear and replacing it with Trust. I was reminded of the 3-R’s: Recognize, Reject and Replace. I was then reminded of the 3-S’s which are what I began to replace the lies with: Self-love, Self-appreciation and Self-confidence. If I know that God has placed me this ministry I am to believe. I can trust myself to be used of God because He will be the One providing the message/s needing to be heard and responded to as I yield completely to Him and Trust.

I am into the beginning of this ministry where the rubber hits the road. All of this has brought me back to many different times in my educational career when I took steps into newness and as I got to this point I would do just as I am now–panic. However, this time I recognize it and will take the steps to move forward.

I have set the meeting for this morning with one of the couples who contacted me. I am walking into this first session trusting. Yes, my fears are right at the surface, but I’m not giving them any ground to take root. It is the seed of trust I want to grow and honor God in doing so.

This year, as I’ve written many times, has been focused on my understanding of what being a new creation is all about. Knowing it and believing/understanding this are two very different levels. It is easy to know, understanding to the point of believing is at a much deeper level. Today, God is making another point very clear. A new creation may question what God is doing, but the questions do not stop the action God is wanting one to take.

As I began the training class for biblical counseling last May, I at the same time asked the retired, licensed counselor to assist me. Early June we started counseling with 3 different people who I knew wanted counseling but didn’t have the insurance to address the cost. This service would be free. I would be able to observe the counseling taking place for my own learning. This has been such a tremendous help too. The down side of it for me personally is that I began to see how beneficial the counseling was from a pro. The voices in my head were saying, “give all of the counseling needs to the ones who can actually help. A novice like you will only be a hindrance.” We now have two retired counselors working with me and they are doing most of the counseling.

There are new requests coming in and my first action is to think which one of the two is best for the need. This morning God asked me why I was removing myself from the team? I had to admit my fear and see my lack of trust. In biblical counseling one learns that you are the messenger of God’s wisdom and work. He is the Great Healer, not man. Trusting God to do His Work through you is foundational.

What I wanted to be a model for learning was becoming my scapegoat. I will act differently now that I’m awake to my flesh. I never want to be a hindrance to God’s Kingdom Work. I have surrendered my fear and am acting on trust as today begins.

There is something about coming from a large family–every other day there is a birthday, anniversary, or something. Today is my oldest living brother’s birthday. Several years ago my grandson who at the time was 3, saw this brother and said to me, “Grandpa, that man over there looks just like you!” He hadn’t met Uncle Herb until that day. Now all these years later, we still look alike, just older look alike! Happy birthday Herb!

Each day of late God has been guiding me into a more surrendered life. There can be nothing held back. Oh, there can be things held back, but if so, they will be brought into the Light and then, well, you’ll have to face the reality that it needs to be surrendered too. The wonderful part of this journey is that God’s Grace is always present. His mercy towards us gives us opportunity to “want to surrender” rather than “have to surrender”. When faith and trust grow in Jesus Christ, Father God and The Holy Spirit, one reaches a point where the old “have to do this” dies. The desires become the “want to do this” because Christ’s Holy Spirit is nudging you to do so.

I’m still learning all of this and the love for God only grows as I do continue to surrender.