Turns out the website problems are only due to our wireless provider. The problems of the day use to be things like the tractor won’t start. Today it is so often connected to electronics and their functions or lack thereof. Life has its problems.

Yesterday was spent with our family getting together as we do about once a month–at least the afternoon was. I enjoy it at the time and then when I get away and relax I realize how unsettled I often feel by the time it is over. We brothers always do the same thing–bring up each other’s weak spots or behaviors and hone in on them and laugh and laugh. Today I realize this behavior of ours, at least for me, makes me feel disconnected. We rarely talk about the important things in life. I’m not even sure why this isn’t done? If we are with our wives, we are more apt to connect to important things. We get together to stay connected as family yet we use the time so poorly regarding closeness to one another. I’ll need to process this a little more.

The lesson of trust and surrender is still on the front burner. I’m going to see if today goes better in this arena. When I’m at work or with the ministry work I find myself better able to address this. When I’m with family I don’t know how this is done? It seems unsettling to me right now. I know this is an odd entry for today, but it does reflect just how I am feeling. I’m sensing I just need to go into the day and surrender “these feelings”. Feelings are just that–feelings!

The website is giving me fits this morning. I’m doing this on my phone which is not my favorite way to write. Nonetheless here it goes.

Yesterday’s post talked about trust and rest. Well, the trust I lost about 10:00am and the rest didn’t come last night. I’m sorry to have to confess this. It’s true however. This morning I could easily see why. The details I worked on pretty much got taken care of but I forgot I was on assignment for God and not me. I don’t own these details ——God does. I worry about how they will get completed, etc. Today I said I’d work on this lesson some more. God reminded me it is bigger than a one day assignment!

It really is amazing to stop each day and take a reflective moment to see what Jesus is doing in our personal life and in the lives of those He has placed with us. I don’t know about you, but if they are placed with me I sense a responsibility to help them with any area they may struggle with so they have health and joy in life. The weekend has had much disclosure of struggles in it which I know I’m not to carry as mine, but I’m to give them to Jesus who is the REAL HEALER and give of LIGHT.

Today I’ve been up for a while giving all of these burdens to Jesus. He is teaching me to praise Him for these burdens for they are the very things He uses to help people see their personal need for Him and His Healing Touch. He also is the LIGHT for which Peace and Rest come.

Yesterday’s sermon was all about God’s Rest. As I was journaling this morning about the weekend, Jesus reminded me of yesterday’s sermon and its application to me. For several weeks now Jesus has been teaching me and showing me my personal need to TRUST HIM fully. This morning He show me that the result of Trust is Rest. When I actually Trust Him I will Rest. This is the Rest God gives us. It isn’t enough to say I trust or know my need for trusting. If I truly TRUST GOD, my result will be REST.

Today I am going to begin a conscious TRUSTING as I go through the day. Life’s journey God has given to each of us does bring us not only to HIM, but to the freedom He so wants us to experience. Much of this freedom is tied directly to the belief I (we) have in TRUSTING GOD.

It seems life’s stumbling blocks include the ones which impact this website. Yesterday’s entry was written and simply would not publish. I had finished it and when I tried to publish it, the button wouldn’t function. It was present, but wasn’t live. I could put many “human reasons” this happened but I’ll just leave it alone and write today’s entry for all seems to be functioning correctly today.

My friend did come yesterday morning and we had a tearful, truthful conversation regarding the issues at hand. I do love watching how Jesus takes all of the messes of life and turns them into moments where He brightens the Light and Hope for our healing. My friend wants healing so badly. I know this so well from my own journey, yet I also have wanted to stay in charge of how it should happen. It has only been as I’ve learned (and I’m still learning) to let Jesus be in charge of my healing. My ways often become the messes He has to turn around. This is what took place for my friend, yet I trust Christ’s faithfulness to take the actions of present (messes) and use them for His Honor and Glory.

Today we start the advertising for our restoration classes and Celebrate Recovery’s kickoff. We have needed a co-leader for one of the groups in order for it to take place. We were out with friends last night and I asked the one who had been through the class if she would consider it? Her response was, “I’m 99% certain my answer will be, Yes! But I need to pray and see if this is what God wants me to do.” I love watching how God works!

Jesus is really laying a foundation of believing for me. I’ve always looked at “believing” as something to do rather than as something firmly in place. The foundation I’ve had for believing has been made humanly in my mind. Jesus is wanting to replace it with His Spiritual Foundation. In the Spiritual realm, believing in Jesus and all that He is, is more solid than any foundation man has ever built in our human world. I never again want to limit Jesus by my finite belief. I want to believe and trust Him, then obey Him with my actions.

The issues of yesterday had nothing to do with the website. The tower that feeds our wireless was haywire for the moment. I called to report the problem and while I was on the phone another person called in so they knew it wasn’t about my home, but larger than that. Within 15 minutes it was fine again.

The weight of hurt I mentioned yesterday that was burdening me is still present. However, steps are being taken. I am learning that supporting someone hurting still needs to look like support. So often I want to step into “telling” when only God’s TEAM (Jesus and The Holy Spirit) are the Ones to tell. Yet, they don’t tell, they nudge. The main one who is hurting right now has a wife who called me early this morning. She wanted to talk through her own involvement in this. I just know God is wanting us to let Him be the Guide. He leads to healing while man often leads to deeper chasms or thicker/taller walls. Satan loves to feed man’s work and I don’t want to lead anyone into this.

God is so good! How much I want to learn about His Ways so my actions reflect Him. I do know Trusting and Believing are the first thing I need to do before entering into any situation. Ground the situation in Trusting the One Who heals and Believing He has a plan already which will lead to His Healing.

I’m not sure what’s going on this morning with the website but I’m writing this on my phone. My computer is just spinning with the site only partially opening.

I get to stay home today and I’m very glad. Today has much to do getting details done for our kickoff. We start this Sunday advertising the restoration classes and CR’s kickoff in 3 weeks.

My heart is heavy today with burdens for others. I’ve given them to God but the hurt behind the burdens is the weight. I know God is handling them so I surrender my desire to help them feel better. I trust our Father. He is always here for each of us.

Tomorrow will be a better blog day!

Today I write to you as a new creation because of the blood of Jesus Christ and His Gift to me for accepting Him into my heart and His giving me The Holy Spirit to guide my every step. Yesterday I completed the journal I’d been using. So, this morning I went back and reread the first several entries from last mid-January when I’d begun using it. At the time I knew I was a new creation but I was not knowing this in my heart for it had not been transformed yet to me. I well remember when I did the lesson in Mending the Soul regarding the topic of neglect as one type of abuse. This had been the role of my mom and I finally faced it and forgave mom for being human and not “the super hero” I kept wanting her to become. Today I recognize Jesus Christ as this Super Hero. What a blessed awakening.

In the past 7 months God has opened my eyes to Him and His Son Jesus and to The Holy Spirit. I truly am a new creation! Also this morning, I recognize that when we become a new creation we enter into the start of eternity. We have God, Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit with us just as we will in heaven, but we recognize so little of it at this point. When our time comes we will finally be free of sin’s bondage in our life. However, now I begin to understand that the freedom of this bondage has already begun for me in finally believing I am a new creation!

The struggles of the past few days are still real. But headway is being made thanks be to God. I can’t begin to tell you how grateful this man is to be blogging today free of my past. I will use it the rest of my earthly days but I will not be pulling it along with me as I do use it. It now is a tool for me to use rather than a weighted chain which I drag and try to hide. Praise be to God!

The burdens of yesterday are very present still today. In fact, they and the weight of them had me awake much of the night. The couple with a son in jail talked at length with me last night. We prayed together. The other burdens are just as real today too. As I came to Jesus with all of these this morning a couple things began to become clear. First and foremost, I’ve just begun to read Job. Jesus reminded me that just as Satan tormented Job in every way possible, he will do the same to us. Job didn’t have Jesus at his time, but I do today just as we all do if we ask Him into our lives. So Jesus reminded me to turn Satan over to Him. Satan trembles in Jesus Presence and has to flee!

Secondly, Jesus pointed out that the ministry work of our restoration ministry is approaching. With this ministry we trample on Satan’s turf. He has more bondage here with God’s creation than in almost any other arena. So, should I expect to be under attack? Absolutely. He is choosing to attack my friends and my family at this present time. In times past I would pray relentlessly for these problems and try to steel myself to the weight of them. Today, however, I gave them to Jesus. I feel much lighter at this moment. However, I also know I am very human and I’ll likely need to give them again many times today as well as many more times in the next days ahead. What I do know is that Jesus is The Almighty Son of God. He is no longer in human flesh–He just knows it first-hand so He is the very ONE who represents our requests to God and stands in our gap when Satan tries to do his ugly work.

God’s Grace is Amazing. Today I pray for God’s Grace, no matter what it needs to be, to intervene in the cases I know as well as so many more I don’t. I want to be Christ’s servant obeying His Spirit’s voice within me. To God be ALL GLORY for Great Things He Has Done, Is Doing and Will Do.

Today I wrestle with the fact that I’m back into the work schedule which I’ll have for the next 11 months. In addition to this, I have a load of prayer requests for which I want to see something done. Last night I got a call from dear friends that their son is again in jail. They have been battling this dilemma for a few years with him. Now it starts yet again. The other requests are quite different, but the thing they have in common is the need for God’s intervention and man to turn to Him. Just writing this reminds me of what I was journaling only minutes ago–these are for God’s work, not mine. I am to carry the needs to the throne of God’s Grace and let them go. When people are close to your heart, it is difficult for me to do that–let them go. I want to take today’s time and spend it seeing if I can assist in anyway with any of them. Yet, my personal path takes me another direction. Another opportunity for me to let this go and let God be God.

The recent struggle I’ve had with Jesus and my trust and belief of His love for me is now gone. I know He loves me just as I know my mom loved me. In mom’s case, her love was given in ways I couldn’t grasp when I was a boy in torment. However, this is not the case with Jesus. He is showing me that He is not crippled in showing love as my mother was. He is showing me how to recognize the multitude of ways His Love is being shown and was being shown even during the years of abuse. I pray today that those I love who are hurting can feel the Love of Christ and recognize it in these tormenting times upon them.

Yesterday turned into a wonderful day with a funeral service which was a celebration of a life well lived for God. Secondly, we were babysitting our two youngest granddaughters which was mostly Kathy with some assistance from me. Lastly, I did nothing to address the situation I wrote about yesterday. There was no nudge and there was no door opening.

During the night I awoke to find there wasn’t going to be sleep for a while. I tried praising God but that wasn’t bringing sleep. As I began to ask Jesus to help me with the struggle I explained yesterday He brought to mind the struggle I had with mom last February and March while I was still doing the class–Mending the Soul. It was the portion call “neglect” as a category of abuse. The class helped me see mom in an entirely different light. I always wanted to lift mom to a higher level than human. She was our family’s hero so she was like–superhuman. However, in real life, mom was human and I needed to let her be just that. The neglect I experienced was mom’s fear, confusion, helplessness in situations she felt powerless to do anything about except pray. That I know she did. My walking with God today has much to do with mom’s prayers so long ago.

This morning as I was journaling to Jesus about all of this He helped me to see Him for what He was and now is. First, Jesus was born into humanness with all the weaknesses of flesh. However, Jesus chose to not enter into the sins of flesh. Jesus’ life demonstrated for man that His belief in God His Father was demonstrated by His trusting and obeying. Today, He wants me to demonstrate my belief in Him by trusting and obeying Him. In this He proves His love for us by showing that my choice to do so will bring about His Will. My piece is to do my part as He nudges me. I am not to step ahead of a nudge for that is not obedience. These are big lessons for me, but I want to be a good student of Jesus trusting Him while I obey Him.