Today is my oldest grandson’s birthday. He is 22. How times goes by!
Tonight I teach the Celebrate Recovery lesson entitled “Forgiveness”. God has really been speaking to me about this lesson. This past year has been one where God has taught me a great deal about forgiveness, seeing what needs to be forgiven and then letting go of all the bondage. I’m on my way to take my grandkids to their schools. My daughter hurt her back and is practically bedridden at the moment so I’ll leave this topic until tomorrow.
This morning I sense a heaviness I can choose to carry throughout the day or I can give it to God Almighty and let Him carry it. I just finished journaling to God about the details of this weight. It is amazing to sit here at my computer and write “God Almighty” and then wonder why I’d even think of carrying this weight around when I am Earnie the human who struggles with his own burdens, when God has given me the option of letting Him carry the burden when He is ALMIGHTY? How crazy we humans are–I am!
Yesterday was a day of seeing and hearing clearly the burdens around me. I didn’t work yesterday but the entire day seemed to be filled with being needed to hear or see the burdens of others. Some of them I can turn over immediately but others are those I want to address. They are too close to home. God continues to remind me that when man interferes with His Work, it is man who is seen and not God. If God is to be seen and responded to, man has to let God shed His Light into darkness. Man can then choose to follow the Light of God. I want God to been the One seen so I will step away and surrender today.
Yes, the journey does continue. I’m not working away from home today so was going to sleep a little longer than normal–I thought. However, when I did awake I knew I had some things I needed to hear from God. I didn’t know what they were but I was sensing a bondage of sorts. As I began my devotional time I started to see myself and what God was wanting me to now know.
In my scripture reading I’m in Exodus and Moses was on the mountain receiving the Ten Commandments and all the directions he was to share with the Israelites. While he was there the Israelites were becoming more and more unsettled with their leader gone for so many days. Aaron caves into them and builds the golden calf which they begin to worship. God tells Moses to go back as the children have quickly drifted. Moses does and out of anger shatters the stone tablets God has written. 3000 Israelites are killed due to their disobedience. I’ve read this so many times and shook my head wondering why they were so weak? Today I saw a different Earnie. I likely would have not participated in the worship and creating a golden calf but what I would have done is gone into my tent filled with fear that my leader is gone and I would have sinned privately rather than overtly.
I don’t write this to beat myself up. God is wanting me to see and know that His Ways are not flawed. Eventually He had His Son Jesus die for all of these sins of man. I’ve needed to see the severity of man’s sin which includes my own. My hidden sins are no less black than my dad’s overt ones. We stand together at the Cross of Christ. The Kingdom God is making for our eternal home is a Kingdom of choice. Dad made his choice to accept Christ into his heart. He didn’t live a life like I’d have wanted, but that wasn’t the determining factor. Today, I stand with dad–sinners saved by Grace–God’s Grace.
Our pastor often uses the phrase, “God didn’t write the Words of the Bible to make it thick. His intent is for us to learn to know Him fully through all that is in His Book.” As I’m reading through Exodus I found myself this morning wanting to fast track through the chapters outlining what the Israelites were to do in building the ark housing the ten commandment tablets, along with how they were to worship God, and much more. God was very precise in how this was to be done. All of it had to do with reverence to Him. This morning while starting to speed read I stopped and asked God what His Words were trying to teach me I’ve not learned before? Here is what happened–
As I began to journal I found myself questioning why God wanted to be so dogmatic about my revering Him? As I did this I had a flood of awakening starting to take place. I’ve known in my mind that God is worthy of all praise and reverence. Yet, in my deeply hidden emotions I’ve despised reverence. We are told to honor our father and mother. I learned to do this out of obligation but never with reverence (except with mom). I learned to do this too with God. Only this morning did I see how much I was emotionally treating God the way I treated dad. Also, tied to this was how I was treated when I may have done something worthy of praise as a kid growing up. Instead of being praised, I was criticized and belittled so that “I wouldn’t get the big-head”. I learned to stuff and be obedient.
Today God is showing me what a new creation in Him does with his Creator. Also, He is showing me that when I revere Him I am to do it with all my mind, soul, body and spirit. All of this can be done and it is never arrogant, never sin, never wrong. This is going to take some time to sink in fully, but I want to break a big character defect I’ve carried for a long time. I asked God to help this older man learn His Ways as I now read how to revere as God wants to be revered.
Yesterday was a beautiful day. It started with planting a flower bed for an elderly lady who loves flowers but can’t tend to them any longer. Then, I went to my granddaughter’s tennis match to watch her and her partner win which now sends them to state tournament next weekend. I came home and planted another row of corn and mowed the lawn. All of this being done in the prettiest spring day. God is so good!
Our one daughter is having some remodeling done on the house. It is requiring them to do some painting this weekend. She called last night overwrought with how much and how slow it is going. Kathy and I said we’d go there after church this morning to help. It is an odd way to spend Mother’s Day but it seems almost fun. The grandkids are helping a great deal with this project and very excited about it. Of course it is their rooms being done and seeing them jumping in to do much of this only makes helping them desirable. We did go out to dinner Friday night to celebrate Mother’s Day with our two daughters here so spending today this way doesn’t seem like a robbery.
In my scripture reading of late Moses is taking the Israelite’s to their promise land. On the way God is telling them He will destroy their enemies one at a time (slowly) so they can occupy the land and take care of it without being too overwhelmed. I read that this morning and realized that is just the way He handles all of our problems. He doesn’t destroy all of them at once. He takes care of them as I am ready to move into the new territory. In growing into a spiritual man God is growing my awareness of Him and just how he works. How amazing He is!
Yesterday I received word from our senior pastor to move forward with the plan to have a guest speaker this next fall. I heard this man speak last winter and he is dynamic. He will be an excellent start for our recovery ministries as we kick them off. The odd thing to me was this morning. All of a sudden as I was journaling I became overwhelmed with the sense that, “We can’t do this!” What am I thinking? I have this happen often when I am developing a plan for future work. At that point I only see the good things which can result from it taking place. Once it becomes a reality I move into the mindset/fear that I’m incapable of this and I’d best shut the plan down now.
As I was taking all of this to God He pointed out that I am not to act on my flesh or Satan’s voice to my flesh. The message I have for myself is correct–I can’t do this. However, God’s message to me is that–He can and He will! I am to do my part while He makes all this happen. I love this assurance. God is so timely!
As I was rereading just now the entry from yesterday I realized something that hadn’t hit me at the time of writing. I was leaving to go work with a school district that is struggling. This work I know and can function in well. In going to it I was leaving some major issues here at home I knew nothing about fixing. However, my brother is an expert at all of this. He had given me the assurance he’d take take of them and I should go and take care of what I was doing. God has richly blessed me with “help”. I am so grateful for this and I realize He does this for each of us. There is always someone we can call who will step in and help us do what we are incapable of doing.
As I arrived to Celebrate Recovery last night and had finished the practice for worship with our little band, a gentleman was wanting to talk. We went into a private room and he told me how much he was struggling. He was depressed and could only see himself as the “loser” his wife and Satan were telling him he is. Today he is calling a christian counselor to see and Sunday he is starting the step study which is still open for men. He walked away last night with a Celebrate Recovery Bible in hand as well as book 1 of the step study. God is always waiting for us to reach the end of our rope so He can finally do what He wants to do from the start–give us the tools and the strength to become what He created us to be all along. I know this road well. I can’t lose sight of the fact that it is God in us one day at a time that keeps us on track. I am a sinner saved by Grace. Satan along with my flesh want me back. But, God promises us a Promise Land with Him and it can start here on earth if we choose His Ways. I’m staying with HIM!
It was 12:22 am when I heard my wife telling me there was no water in the house. It took a moment for me to realize who I am, where I was and who was telling me a message I was still trying to register for meaning. When all cylinders kicked in I knew there was little I could do with my background. I got up and went out to the well. I could tell it wasn’t running so I went to the electrical panel in the garage and switched the switch marked “well” in case it wasn’t making connection. It did appear fine however. I walked back into the house to have Kathy telling me the water was now on????? This morning as I had finished my devotions and headed to refill my coffee pot I could see a watering zone in our yard running. This wouldn’t have been last night’s problem, but it was another problem I didn’t know how to fix. My plumbing brother said he’d be over today and for me to simply shut the valve off which feeds the yard sprinklers. That much I could do. It is amazing how much in life I am helpless to address on my own.
Today I’m going to a school district to give assistance with their concerns. However, I learning that God and I are the ones going. I’m completing what He wants me to do. I’m going to be listening carefully to offer only what He leads. It seems like an entirely new approach to my consulting but it is one I want to stay with from this point forward. I want God in complete control.
The spiritual man–I ponder daily what this can truly look like. What I know more now than ever is that it always looks like a struggle. Man is a spiritual being immersed in a carnal world. The reason we are immersed in a carnal world is that we ourselves are carnal. At this point about all I can say that is good about carnality is that it is temporary. We die to it and get to live for eternity as the spiritual man God created us to be in the first place.
I wanted to read this book to help me be a better spiritual man, a better listener to God, a better man responding to God, etc. I didn’t expect to find myself seeing the carnality around me so much more clearly too. I just wanted to not enter into the flesh side of life for me. (See how carnal I still am!) However, God’s purposes I’m finding, when we do realize our carnality, is His wanting us to bring Him into the day by the very presence of His Spirit shining through us. We aren’t in charge of that. We are the carriers of His Light through our surrendered self. More than likely we won’t know how anyone is effected by our surrender, but God does and it is God who uses this to further His work with man.
Yesterday I saw God work in an enlightening way–at least for myself. The struggle I faced yesterday was given much clarity and as the day went on, I found myself finding clarity in several situations which needed it. If this would have happened not so long ago I would take this clarity and run with it today thinking I am now to do what I thought I should. However, God is teaching me that a carrier of His Light is always a carrier of HIS Light, not taking it back into my court as though that’s the right thing to do. Each day is a new day of surrender of self to The Holy Spirit Who is the God of the Universe. So here starts another day of surrender!
God takes chaos and gives it order. Yesterday I said I no longer want to try and take control of what is out of control. Boy, was that ever put to a test. I won’t go into the details of it but the test is on. This morning God indicated I need to look for His Light. Chaos has no light penetrating it. One cannot see beyond it. God’s Light only shows where God is. This I will look for throughout the day.
Tonight the group which was started last February to support those in families, or friendships with a person active in the LGBTQ, will meet for its monthly time. After the 5 weeks last winter ended, the group has maintained meeting the first Tuesday of the month. Tonight I will be attending it. I’ve wanted to be a part of it since we started last February but I was immersed in Mending the Soul which was certainly where God wanted me. I will be sharing some of my personal story relating to the topic with the group tonight. I will also be listening to them. God loves all of His children and He wants us to find His Ways as we are in relationship with all of His children. We can support and God wants us doing so as we learn what this looks like. Chaos which our society has is not of God, but God uses all things to His Honor and Glory as we turn to Him. I want to be listening for His Voice today and tonight as well as to see His Light and identify it as such.
Earnie Lewis 