Have you ever considered how God just keeps repeating Himself until we finally “get it”? In my scripture reading this morning God changes Sarai’s name to Sarah (princess). Abram’s name is changed to Abraham (father of a multitude). God did this in spite of their previous choice to have their “promised son” born through Sarai’s maidservant–Hagar. They had to wait another 14 years for the original promise God had given them to take place, yet it did take place and that was when God changed their names. This is all found in Genesis 16-18.

In my Joyce Meyer Amplified Bible I’m reading, there are footnotes from commentaries and notes from Joyce going into greater detail regarding these events and their application for today. Israel, the promised land, wasn’t to be a tiny country as of today which I mentioned yesterday. It is the land God promised Abraham. Sarai and Abram decided to take matter in their hands and Abram gave birth to Ishmael through Hagar. These descendants are our Arab nations today surrounding Israel. I know all of this but this morning God was pointing out to me how patient He is as well as what the consequences of our choices are when we don’t wait on God.

I have always wanted to prove myself worthy to God when God has been wanting me to believe He provided my worthiness. I believe this now with all my heart. When God changed the names of of these people, He was giving them a new identity. This might sound trite, but when I was born my older siblings named me after an older cousin, Ernest Nichols, who had been killed in WWII. They liked him a lot. My folks didn’t have a name for me so I was given this name. When I was in my early elementary years, my name was changed to Earnest which means honest and sincere. I have always thought this was something to live up to even though I knew I couldn’t because of my past. However, God, making me a new creation, tells me this change was on purpose. He didn’t create me to hide something but to be honest and sincere about using my past in an honoring way as He would direct me. How much I love Him for this too.

What an amazing God we serve!

As I was reading my bible reading this morning I find that God promises Abram (not yet Abraham) the land from the great river of Egypt to the river Euphrates. I don’t know if you realize how much land that is, but it is huge. Today it encompasses many nations only one of which is the small country of Israel. As I was reading it I was stricken with the reality that still today we limit what God wants to give us by our sinful choices. I realize more and more just how much the cost of sinful living is. I also am realizing just how much we limit God’s blessings by these choices.

To be a new creation as Jesus gives to us when we accept Him as our Savior, is wonderful. I am only now learning that living in this new creation is to awaken to the monumental lies Satan wants us believing about living for God. This idea that I could work my way to God and someday be good enough for Him is one of the biggest lies. I keep coming back to the fact that in my mind I needed to do all the things I thought dad should have done and then I’d be better than him thus making me pleasing to God. How awful that thinking! I now see dad was a sinner saved by God’s Grace through Jesus Christ. This is the same that I am. In my living for Jesus today, I now see the sinfulness He has erased from my Father’s eyes through His Work on the Cross.

I don’t want the ending years of my life to only be a speck of what God intended for it as Israel is only a speck of what God had originally promised for it. As I awaken more and more, also what awakens within me is this commitment to live well in obedience to Christ one day at a time. As He sheds His Light, I want to recognize and take each step with Him.

Every spring I have this sense of urgency to get everything done in the garden, yard, flower beds, lawn all at once! Of course it isn’t necessary but my love for doing them and my emotions tell me I must do it now. This morning is no different. Being gone all last week and working yesterday I want to be outside from the moment the sun is up until it finally rests tonight hoping by then the yard is finally complete. Now that I’ve written this I find nothing in it which addresses what God would have me do today. I write this sentence and realize that the beauty of every flower, tree, vegetable growing in the garden, etc. is all a gift from God for us. So, as I do what I do today I don’t want to forget this gift He gives us.

My spirit has always wanted to please what I love. The Holy Spirit within me wants me to please what God loves. So, now that I’m much more aware of the Holy Spirit within me I want to please Him most. I’m glad God has given me time today to be in the yard. I’ll be grateful for this all day long!

How glorious to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Then, all of a sudden, it is the day after and life continues. However, I don’t want it continuing as it had. When Christ left this earth He promised the disciples His Gift–The Holy Spirit. He said to linger until their infilling came. That they did–they lingered until they were anointed with The Holy Spirit. (Read the beginning of Acts and you’ll see this).

This year, for the first time in my life, being filled with The Holy Spirit is done. I know in my mind that this gift was given when I accepted Christ, but for me to be awakened to the powerful source of Him has taken all of my life. The truths of the Bible revealing God’s promises is so marginalized by man and our own selfishness. We want God to be in our lives instead of us being in God’s life–His Spirit. It isn’t until this fundamental shift fully awakens in us that we can be surrendered. And, most importantly, it needs to daily take place. If I don’t daily bring myself to the Throne of Grace and surrender my will, I will slowly but surely shift back into the selfish me that wants God supporting me rather than me supporting God. It is just a shift of a few words when writing it, but it is a life-changing shift when we live it out each day.

Being Spirit-filled has had a lot of twists put on it from man and from our many denominations supporting Christianity. However, the one thing we all have in common and that is surrender. We will never be free of our daily selfishness if we don’t daily surrender it so God’s Spirit can begin its intended purpose. God is patiently waiting for each of us to daily surrender. I do this today.

He is RISEN! He is Risen Indeed! I can hardly fathom the depth of love it took for God to give His One and only Son for each of us. Knowing He would accomplish is one thing, but to actually give your son to die for each of us is the greatest demonstration of love I can imagine. How fortunate to serve this God!

We got home yesterday without a hitch. It was a couple of great flights. I hadn’t anticipated however the disconnect I feel this morning from our own Easter at home. Having gone through the Easter week with Amber’s family and church family and now being here to go to church at our own, I lack the connection I’ve always had. It’s an odd sensation but I know it is one which will soon dissipate when I get to choir practice and the Hallelujah Chorus begins to resonate in my spirit to Worship this Son called Jesus Christ! What a wonderful Savior He is!

Today all of our family here will be coming for Easter dinner and the little ones will find eggs while the older ones hide them. Kathy spent yesterday prepping for the meal and I kept myself from mowing the lawn so the grass will hide the eggs just a little bit more.

I’m in a whirlwind of learning from the book, The Spiritual Man. I just wonder if I can ever be so free of flesh and soul sins. As I was journaling this I was instantly reminded that I can be “one day at a time”. This is how God works with me and each of us. I want to be free forever, but for this earth, it is one day at a time. This is my commitment and I’m so grateful God made a way for us!

I found myself wanting to reread this morning the first chapters of Genesis. In them God is creating man but in the second chapter there is much more detail about His doing so. There is also the words that the river flowing through the Garden of Eden is the head of the 4 rivers which include the Tigris and Euphrates. I understand that the other two rivers are not in existence today. Well, that’s our geography lesson for today.

I had to take a break from this writing to go with my daughter to take my granddaughter to her high school and stop for donuts on the way home. It was well worth the break!

Today is our last day with our kids. Tomorrow early we will fly back to Idaho. I always love this break from home’s routines but it will also be nice to have Easter with our other kids and grandkids. I will likely not post tomorrow since we have to be at the airport by 5:30 am. God is good whether I’m posting or not!

“We don’t need a better living. We need a better dying. ”  This is a quote from The Spiritual Man.  As I read it yesterday I instantly wondered what the author was meaning.  Then he went on to say that it is not until we die to “self” that we can truly “live for God”.  So, in order to live well we must first die well.

As I began to start Genesis this morning for my Bible reading, I read once again about the creation of our world/universe and all that God did in those first 6 days.  I found a difference this time however.  This time I was reading it with the consciousness of my current awakening to all that God is teaching me.  God had created the perfect “living well” system for man and all that He gave man to have dominion over.  Then, man took that fatal step of choice–yielding to temptation.  It has never been the same since then.  However, God has provided a way of escape which allows us to personally have the “living well” within us.  In order to maintain this we are to daily, and sometimes many times a day, choose God’s nudges rather than our selfish nudges.

I find myself realizing like I never have before just how much I have based my decisions upon the lens of my earthly father.  If I were doing better than him I was doing good.  God has wanted me for so long to realize He is the Father I am to based my decisions on.  I’m glad to finally be awake to this huge flaw in me.  How much I want to live only for Him and choose only His Ways.

It was 37 years ago today that Kathy and I had that blind date which God used to bring the two of us together. How grateful I am for the way all of this turned out!

This morning I finished reading Revelation. This book is the one I always wish I could end reading it with a much greater understanding of the details within it. I realize we are limited in our capacity to grasp the fullness of scriptural meaning but I also know what I read is true and will come to pass. Most importantly to me is having my family all on board. I suppose every parent, grandparent, feels this way. With Resurrection Sunday so close, it only heightens the sensitivity to this.

As I continue to read my book, The Spiritual Man, I find more and more truth I want to have God help me with. It is one thing to think selfishly (I suppose that is natural since we are a being of flesh). However, to act selfishly is the troubling part. What comes into our minds is just that–what comes into our mind. However, how we respond to that is what we are held accountable to. This is exactly what God is placing on my heart as I read. The Holy Spirit is always tenderly responding to us helping us to know there is an option to what we are hit with. These options don’t always make sense at the moment, but if we stop for a second to process the nudge, it means there is a choice to make which supersedes our motive. I’ve had so many of these I’ve wished I’d responded differently to at the time. This is what I want to continue to improve upon as my life moves forward.

I’ve mentioned the book, The Spiritual Man, by Watchman Nee, which I am slowly reading. In the book’s preface, Watchman writes about his struggles to get the book written and if one is reading it to be prepared for their own struggles. I think I am beginning to understand just a sliver of this.

Watchman does an excellent job clarifying the make up of man from the flesh. He clearly helps the reader to know the defining differences of flesh, soul and spirit. He goes deeply into the sins of the flesh and now he is going into the sins of the soul. The sins of the flesh are often the “habits” I know so well from my involvement in Celebrate Recovery. These include my own habit I’ve needed to address involving pornography. However, as I was reading yesterday and found him addressing the sins of the soul, he defines well these sins as the selfishness we always battle no matter how “good” something may be in the eyes of man. An example of these would be my own desire to start the recovery classes we have been doing this past year. How these groups are managed, communicated, led, organized, etc. are all choices of man which I have led. Yes, there have been times when I wanted something just the way I wanted it and it was “non-negotiable” in my mind. The classes are wonderful and have profited those attending but I can limit so much by the way I manage. As I move forward with these I want to better address the voice of God’s Holy Spirit within not only me, but within the group of us.

I am coming to find that The Holy Spirit is very tangible once we better awaken to the hugely selfish soul we possess. I’ve always viewed my selfishness against my dad’s and thought if I’m not like him I’m more godly. Well, God has made it clear His Holy Spirit is still waiting to take control of all of this and He wants to be the scale in which the work I do is weighed. I have much to address here and much to awaken to. This journey is almost like it is just beginning. Wow, I want to be a good learner and listener.

A couple months ago my daughter thought this would be a good week to come and visit. Even though it’s a time when we’re all together, being Easter week there are things happening every night. Kathy and I both wonder if this was a mistake yet God never makes mistakes. I simply am going to relax and flow with it.

Last night I gave my testimony to their recovery group. It is always amazing and touching to know that God never wastes a hurt we have experienced. One gal in the group told my daughter she is now able to confess somethings from her childhood she thought could never be spoken out loud but now she knows she can. I love how faithful God is.

This Holy Week is one to stay in reverence of what God did for each of us. I don’t want to lose sight of this. He is worthy to be praised!